Building relationships is essential to effective youth ministry . . . especially in a small church. However, simply having positive relationships with teenagers isn’t enough. Teenagers need adults to invest in their lives. For effective youth ministry, we need to be investing in the spiritual growth of teenagers.

Developing a discipling relationship with a teenager means that you allow them to see Christ at work in your life. (Of course, this means that you have to be engaged in a growing relationship with God yourself.) Teenagers need to listen to how you talk about your relationship with God. They need to know how you go about solving problems as a Christ follower. They need to know how you deal with temptations, and what you do when you fail. In short, teenagers need an example of what a real relationship with Christ looks like.

Developing a discipling relationship with teenagers won’t happen if you give up your position as an adult leader in order to be a friend to your students. Yes, develop friendships with youth, but you can’t become their peer. They need for you to set limits, help them to know what is expected of them . . and why. As teenagers age and develop maturity, your relationship with them will change. You will have to set and enforce rules with younger youth. Most of the time, older teenagers will respond better to a call to be an example of Christ. It is also true that you can’t joke, play games, and tease youth and still be an adult. But, don’t give up your role as an adult if you want to have a relationship that leads youth to spiritual growth.

Developing a discipling relationship with teenagers involves speaking truth into their lives. Teenagers need to hear you tell them what it will take for them to live godly lives. Teaching them in structured times is important, but it may be even more important to talk to youth about spiritual issues when you can talk to one or two students. Don’t fall into the trap of only addressing things they need to avoid. Talk to them about how to use their gifts to make a difference.

Developing a disciping relationship with teenagers means being willing to walk into their lives. Invite youth to talk to you about their spiritual lives. Let them know that you want to help them to walk closer with Christ. Allow them to talk with you about problems if they choose to, but always point them to Christ for the answers.

Discipling relationships are core to effective youth ministry. In a small church, you may not be able to produce programs that are as slick as the big church across town. You may not have the money to do all the things a larger church can do. But you can develop a ministry where adults intentionally seek to disciple teenagers by developing relationships with them.