A teenage girl bounces out of her room and heads to school . . . dressed in a skirt so short it hardly covers the essentials. When her mother stops her and sends her back to her room to change, she rages. “Why are you trying to make me look like you? That’s not who I am!” She has mistaken her clothes for her identity. But that’s actually not that common a mistake for a young teenager.

Theorist and human development specialist Erik Erikson said that human development involves eight tasks. When a person successfully navigates the task for a phase of life, he or she is capable of moving on to the next task. When a person fails to successfully address the task, they end up suffering with that development task indefinitely. For adolescents, Erikson said the task is identity development. If they fail to determine who they are, teenagers will struggle with role confusion. So, how do you help the teenagers in your youth group navigate the developmental task of building their identity?

Identity development is not a simple task. We can tell teenagers that they are designed by God and that they need to build their sense of self on their relationship with Christ, but that Bible study will not give teenagers all they need to end the quest. For most young teenagers, the task of identity development involves some level of experimentation. They “try on” different identities to see what feels right to them. (A friend of mine used to call this phenomenon “trying on hats.”) Identity building will require some time and may involve some failures . . . some funny, some frustrating. Teenagers need our patience and understanding. They also need our input.

Tell youth that they are valuable. Help them to know that they are made in the image of God. Make sure they understand some of what that means. Teach them what it really means to be “in Christ.” Guide youth to see that they have a purpose in the kingdom of God, that they are useful to God, that their life counts. Help them to see the work of Christ in their life to make them righteous, to make them holy. Tell them and keep on telling them.

Confront in love the faulty attitudes that teenagers develop about their identity. Give them experiences that help them to understand that ministry to others makes them a richer person than living a selfish life does. Help them to understand that their identity is not found in what they do on the outside, but on who they are on the inside.

Be a role model for your teenagers. Show them what a real Christian life looks like. Don’t expect perfection of yourself but be intentional about living your life for Christ and seeking forgiveness when you sin. Help students to see that a life lived for Christ is a rich and full life.

The process of identity building is tough and it can be frustrating for youth leaders. It is disappointing to see teenagers trying on hats that don’t square with who God says they are. Don’t give students over to the voices of the world. Give them some good hats to try on and encourage them to replace the foolish ones with the ones that will lead to a Christ-centered life.