Wherever you look in the media . . . television, movies, the Internet . . . you will find adults who are acting out the current stereotypes of adolescence: the mook and the midriff. Teenage guys love watching shows that feature the mook. He is immature, gross, and wiling to try almost anything. He lacks any moral center and laughs at any criticism. Is that really the way teenage guys act? Like most stereotypes, it is over-done and hardly captures the real heart of the people it lumps together.

Teenage girls are not usually interested in the mook, but they have their own stereotypical star . . . the midriff. She is very aware of her own sexuality at ever earlier ages and uses it to attract attention and get what she wants. Midriffs don’t need to be smart or athletic or capable . . . just pretty.

According to Robert Havighurst, one of the tasks of adolescent development is to learn how to develop appropriate relationships with both sexes. The images our culture provides for students of what relationships are supposed to look like are shocking in their lack of honesty . . . and fall far from the human relationships found in the Bible.

Guys need healthy relationships with guys. If you pay attention to television, most relationships between guys involve guzzling beer together, oogling girls, and playing practical jokes on one another. Okay, maybe an occasional practical joke isn’t too bad, but this is hardly the way the Bible describes the relationships among young men. The Bible calls men to “sharpen” each other, to push each other to be stronger in faith and truer in character (Proverbs 27:17).

Girls need healthy relationships with girls. Too often girls see their relationships with other girls as competition for the attention of a young man. A girl in my youth group once threatened a visiting girl never to come back because the rival attracted too much attention for herself. Girls need to understand their great value in God’s eyes and find support and encouragement from other girls rather than seeing competition.

Guys need healthy relationships with girls. While this certainly means that relationships need to be pure in the sexual sense, I think a healthy guy/girl relationship goes beyond that. Guys need to learn to understand life from a girl’s perspective and girls need to see things through a guy’s eyes. Relationships should develop into a warm brother/sister relationship in which the guy feels protective of his sisters and the girl wants the very best for her brothers.

So, how do we foster this kind of relational maturity among our youth groups? Small youth groups are great places for teenagers to really learn to talk, to care for each other, and to sharpen each other. Discuss what a healthy guy/guy, guy/girl, and girl/girl relationship looks like. Help teenagers to see that it is okay if girls tend to relate to each other face to face while guys tend to relate side to side. Lead students to make your youth ministry a place where people feel safe and protected and where they can practice building solid relationships with both sexes. Pray that God will break down pretenses and help your students to interact with grace and honesty.