For Jesus, discipleship was relational. When he called his disciples to “follow me” (Matt. 4:19), Jesus was inviting them into a relationship with him. It was not a casual relationship but an intentional relationship. He was inviting them to spend time with him, learn from him, watch what he did, listen to what he said, and prepare for the ministry God had for them. Discipleship with the teenagers in your church should take on a lot of the same characteristics. Students need more than an hour a week sitting in your Bible study class. They need a relationship with an adult in whose life they can see the Gospel fleshed out.

Building relationships with teenagers can be a challenge. The truth is, it can be a challenge to build a relationship with anyone. I suppose that is why our country has such a high divorce rate. Investing your life in someone else takes time, and that usually means sacrificing things you would prefer to do. Giving teenagers your time can be tough.

Building relationships with teenagers can also be a challenge because teenagers may not seem to be interested. Most teenagers are hungry for an adult who will care about them, but they may not trust adults. How do you build relationships with teenagers? Here are nine things I think are important.

1. Building a relationship with a teenager normally takes time. Don’t try to rush it. Be a consistent presence in their lives.

2. Showing up at things like football games, band concerts, and school plays indicates genuine concern. Students may not say much, but they will notice.

3. Ask students about their interests. You will often get a grunt, a shrug, or a non-committal “fine” when you ask how cheer-leading is going, but students do like the fact that you ask.

4. Let them see that you are human. Don’t tell teenagers about everything you struggle with; they probably aren’t ready for that. But do let them see that you have questions, you fail, you are unsure at times. Also, let them see that you genuinely desire to see God at work in your life.

5. Talk about your faith and about Christ. Most non-Christian teenagers appreciate you talking about what Christ means to you even if they haven’t made a commitment of Christ for themselves. Plus, that is where the intentional part of intentional relationships really begins.

6. Invite them into spiritual conversations. Ask them to pray for you. Ask them where they see themselves spiritually. Ask them what struggles they have walking with God.

7. Spend at least as much time listening as you do talking.

8. Challenge them to be people who stand for Christ. Share with them ways you think God could use them . . . right now and in the future.

9. As your relationship with a student grows, be willing to lovingly confront them when they are unkind or unchristian. Use the sandwich technique: tell them something you appreciate about them, the thing you are concerned about, and then why you value them enough to tell them about your concern.

Most of us would not be where we are spiritually except for the investment of some Christian mentor. In your youth Most of us would not be where we are spiritually except for the investment of some Christian mentor. In your youth ministry, you have the opportunity to be that for someone else.