The age of marriage has risen sharply in recent years. The idea that teenagers should be preparing for marriage may sound archaic. Robert Havighurst included preparation for marriage as one of his developmental tasks for adolescents. So, should we be helping teenagers to prepare for marriage or is that an old-fashioned idea? And if we should be helping them, how should we go about it?

Assisting students with their developmental issues is really not our primary calling in youth ministry. We are called to make disciples. However, discipleship involves a total life commitment. Helping teenagers walk with Christ means paying attention to all of those things they are going through.

Still, is Havighurst out of date, or do teenagers really need to prepare for marriage? Our culture seems to view dating and sexual relationships as recreation. Some teenagers “hook up” with multiple partners for heavy make-out sessions and sexual encounters, but they don’t see this as related to their future marriage partners at all. That is a gross perversion of everything God says about male/female relationships.

The Bible never really talks about dating. (It was more typical during biblical history for marriages to be arranged than for individuals to find their own partners.) However, in American culture dating is the way young people learn about opposite-sex relationships, discern what qualities in a partner fit them well, and ultimately find their life partner. Teenagers are learning to relate to the opposite sex. The problem is they often get bad instruction on what makes a healthy relationship. The flirtation with members of the opposite sex IS preparation for their future marriage . . . even if it is preparation for a bad marriage.

How do you help your teenagers prepare for their marriage? A marriage that may be many years away?

First, teach them what the Bible says about romance, marriage, and sex. Help them to understand that they are building their character in the way they treat members of the opposite sex now.

Second, guide them to begin to think about how they can be architects of godly families. Talk to them about potholes many people fall into that cause their marriages and their families to fall short of honoring God.

Third and most importantly, give them godly examples. If you are married, work to make your marriage strong. Help them to see that, though good marriage is work, marriage can be a partnership in service to God. And whether you are married or not, find other people in your church who can model what godly marriage can and should be for your students. Help them to have opportunities to interact with and hear from people who are working at creating a godly home.