Death is one of those subjects most of us would just as soon avoid. Many teenagers in your youth group will face death. They may lose a grandparent. In a few crisis situations, death may strike a friend. A few may experience the death of a member of their immediate family. When teenagers face death, how do you help? Here are a few things to keep in mind when one of your students experiences the death of someone close to him or her:

1. Every grief experience is different. How a teenager will experience grief depends on a vast number of factors: the personality of the student, how close the student felt to the person who died, the extent to which the death will change the student’s life, how profoundly the student experiences the death as a threat to his or her own mortality, the social support system that surrounds the teenager, and more. Don’t expect teenagers to follow a script in the way they deal with death. Allow each of them to express their feelings of grief in ways that fit them.
2. Students may act out their feelings in ways that are harmful to themselves or others. Some teenagers may lash out at others. Some may be violet or destructive. Some may turn to alcohol or illegal drugs. Stay close to the student. Make contact often, especially when the student loses someone very close to them to death. Watch for danger signs. If you discover (or suspect) the teenager is engaging in dangerous behavior, get help. Don’t try to address this on your own. Talk to the parents and then find a Christian counselor who can help the student with intense anger and pain.
3. Death comes in many forms. The hardest losses to get over are usually sudden. When a parent dies with a sudden heart attack or a friend is killed in an accident, teenagers will tend to play the event over and over again in their minds. They will question what they could have done to prevent the situation. They may blame themselves for the death. Listen to teenagers thoughts and concerns. Make sure they know that you are seeking to understand how they feel. It is unlikely the teenager could have done anything to prevent the death; assure them that they are not at fault.However, death can also come in the form of long, drawn-out illness. A parent may contract cancer or a grandparent may die after months or years of illness. While the long illness can be tormenting, teenagers usually have time to say good-bye and to work through some of their feelings during the illness. Occasionally, parents will try to shield their teenager from the news of impending death. That is seldom helpful and can be harmful to teenagers. It may help parents to talk through with them how to tell their teenager.

When a teenager in your youth group faces the death of someone close, the most important thing you can do is be close. Offering love, support, and a listening ear, and assuring them of God’s love and concern for him or her is normally the most valuable thing you can do.