The concluding episode of this year’s “Celebrity Apprentice” pitted 75 year old comedian Joan Rivers against poker champion Annie Duke. Donald Trump’s Board Room was a malicious fight between these two stalwart women. It boiled down to this: Annie accused Joan of personal attacks on her. And she was right. Joan accused Annie of being two-faced, acting calm and business like in the Board room but talking about her viciously behind her back. And she was also right. I can’t think of two better examples for those of us who work with teenagers. Examples of what not to be, that is.

For my dissertation, I researched objectives that youth leaders all over the world would agree are essential to youth ministry. Seven essentials had high agreement among the 102 youth leaders from 27 countries. Six of those dealt specifically with what we are trying to accomplish in the lives of teenagers. Essential seven, however, dealt with who we are as youth leaders.

Essential 7: As youth leaders, be honest, genuine, and sincere in relating to youth.

In Ephesians 4:15, Paul called believers to speak the truth in love. Are we willing to speak the truth to our teenagers?

• They need to know the truth about the faith. They don’t need more time to talk about the football game. (That’s what math class is for.) They need to know what the Bible says and what it means.
• They need to know the truth about themselves. At times teenagers lack character. They need to know that you care enough to tell them it is wrong when they hurt another student with their words. They need you to tell them when their harsh words to their parents is wrong. Of course, they also need to know that they are carefully made and greatly loved by their Father.
• They need to know the truth about you. This may be the hardest. We like to make ourselves out to be super Christians around the youth. Okay, it’s not true of me or you either. We are flawed. We sin. We struggle to do the right thing. We hurt other people. And we need to be honest with youth about who we really are. The exciting thing is, we are in good company. Nearly everyone in the Bible had the same flaws we have.

However, being genuine is not enough. Paul called us to speak the truth IN LOVE. The point that Joan Rivers missed in her tyrade against Annie Duke was that God has no intention of us being honestly cruel or honestly hurtful. We are called to GENUINELY love. We don’t have the right to not love some of our students. They need to know that we truly love them . . . regardless of the other truths we share with them.

This is a great addition to the 7 Essentials. Yes, we must disciple teenagers. But, who we are is more important than what we say if we are to make disciples.