February
This Sunday a new ninth grader was in the youth group. I watched as he sat with several guys his own age–guys he didn’t know. They didn’t really talk to him much and he didn’t say anything to them. How do you help a student to connect with your group?
We can harp on our students to make youth feel at home. It is good when they start to understand that they should try to make other students to feel welcome. But it is terrifying to ask most 14-year-old students to make friends with a kid they have never seen before. They seldom know what to say. They definitely don’t want to be perceived as stupid by the new kid–or by the other kids that see them trying to talk to the new kid. Most 14-year-olds lack the social skills to make someone feel at home. (If we are really being honest, we’d have to say that a lot of adults suffer from the same deficit. But, let’s not go there.)
So, how do you break through and help students feel welcome? There are probably a lot of answers to that question, and I’d love for some of you to respond with your thoughts below. But, let me tell you what happened Sunday.
One of the kids picked up a trivia game. Several of the kids got involved in trying to answer the questions. Before I knew it, all of the kids were laughing and trying to offer their answers. Every kid, including the new ninth-grader.
There is something about play that allows us to let down our inhabitions and start to connect with each other. Maybe play helps us to get the focus off of ourselves and onto the game. Or maybe laughter is just good for us. But play almost always has the effect of helping people–especially teenage people–to feel comfortable with each other.
Does the game suggested in this week’s Bible study seem silly and pointless? Perfect. Use it to get your students comfortable with each other.
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Paul,
Great idea. I am going to pass this idea of getting kids involved through games and what makes them laugh. Not a bad thought for adults to consider either. Thanks for all you are providing with SYG.
Jay
Paul, as an avid game player, both in my home as well as my ministry, I concur that gaming (the traditional “social” ones, not the zombie-staring ones we call video games!) is a powerful tool for helping people socialize. It breaks down inhibitions, allows people to get to know you without too much pretense (you really get to know someone while playing games!), and it’s using the power of play to build comraderie. I even met my wife while playing a game with friends!
Over my 20+ years of student work, I’ve seen us make the shift from “active” youth ministry with it’s crazy games and unusual stunts to a more “reflective” youth ministry where little “fun” is had and the new CATCH PHRASES are “depth” and “seriousness”. I’m SORRY, but I think we are in danger of throwing the baby out with the bath water. Play is powerful; it’s not a TRIVIAL PURSUIT! It’s especially powerful when it involves students engaging one another without the help of electronic devices and being forced to use their verbal abilities to communicate.
One thing that I feel would be a tremendous benefit to ministries (both to adults as well as students) is to offer some simple classes on interpersonal communication. With the steady decline of the use of verbal skills, we are in danger of losing this ability. We already see evidences of this around us as couples struggle to communicate with one another, and friends being dropped so rapidly from our Facebook pages and social circles simply because we do not know how to openly engage each other in conversation. Our ever-increasing draw toward non-social communication (ie texting, Facebooking, Blogging) has created a MONOPOLY on our social networks, but little “social” interaction on a real level ever occurs.
Engaging in play, particularly the kind that “force” us to use verbal skills, are needed and useful for our ministry. So, let’s break open the Word and dive deep into God’s purposes for our lives…then let’s build community around our tables, both with food and games! UNO ATTACK anyone?