Ministry

By Paul G. Kelly

Drinking alcohol for the purpose of getting intoxicated has become a significant part of the experience of youth adults. At least, that is the conclusion of Christian Smith based on a significant research project looking at the lives of 18- to 24-year-olds in America. I know, big news, right? We all know that large numbers of college students drink to excess. The thing that caught me in Smith’s findings in Lost in Transition is that he suggests that young adults believe they are just living out the life script our culture has given them. They claim going to parties and getting drunk is fun, but when pressed about what is fun about it, most of them admit it is really kind of boring. The only thing that seems to make the parties fun is that they are getting drunk. And that seems to lead to more frustrations and heart-aches that fond memories. So, why do they drink? They have been told that they are young and should be enjoying themselves. Everything they see seems to suggest that the appropriate way for a 20-year-old American to behave is to go to parties and get drunk as they are wandering through the college curriculum or enduring the military training.

I know, you are thinking I’ve lost my way. This is not supposed to be a blog about young adults, but about teenagers. Reading this book about young adults has just got me thinking: These are the adults that we are producing in youth ministry? I mean, I’d like to believe that those who are attending our youth groups are the exception. I’d like to think that they are the anomalies that are making great life decisions and, if they try alcohol at all, it’s only to taste wine at communion. The problem is, the research doesn’t seem to confirm that. And more, reconnecting with lots of former youth group members on Facebook has left me a little shell-shocked at how little influence the church seems to have had on many young adults.

At church on Sunday, I was talking to one of our 16-year-old guys. He’s a believer who is growing in his faith. The chairman of our deacons, a good godly man, walked up and asked him, “How is school going?” The young man replied that it was going okay. Then, the well-meaning deacon asked, “So, are you having fun?” The young man said, “Sure.” The deacon smiled at him and said, “Good, because that’s what it’s all about, right?” Is it? I don’t want to discourage kids from having fun, but is that what it’s all about? If so, it seems to me Jesus should retract a lot of what He said in the Gospels. Is it possible that even well-meaning, spiritually-oriented leaders have unintentionally perpetuated the cultural script that being a young person is about nothing but having fun? Is it possible that when teenagers go to parties and drink to excess, they are only trying to fulfill what we have told them is our expectations for their lives?

I may not be able to change the culture for the next crop of young adults, but I certainly can use the bit of influence I have with the dozen or so students at our little church to teach them that life is about more than fun. Sure, life is full of laughter and fun experiences, but those are not the things that life is about. Life is about a commitment to Christ that sometimes is fun, sometimes is difficult, sometimes brings laughter, and sometimes brings tears, but is ALWAYS worth it. Life is about sharing relationships with those God has put in my world. Life is about the adventure of God’s mission, using the gifts He has given me to be a little part of what God is up to in the world.

Talk about the problems of intoxication. But more than that, give kids a bigger life script than to do whatever it takes to have fun.

By Paul Kelly

For many of us, the Christmas holidays (holy-days) are the most happy and meaningful days of the year. Unfortunately, that is not true for everyone. The days of gift-giving, feasting, and celebrating, some people struggle with their worst experiences of depression of the year. Why do so many people deal with depression at the holidays? And how can your youth ministry help?

Christmas is the celebration of the advent of the Christ, and our celebration of it is wrapped up in family. That may be the source of the problem for many people.

• Broken families create a sense of dysfunction that makes the holidays feel hollow.
• Loss of family members to death through the previous year make Christmas feel more lonely.
• Disappointment over family not turning out as expected feels particularly acute during Christmas.

So, how can your youth ministry make a difference?

1. Take note of those who have lost loved ones in your congregation. Take your youth group to visit them to carole or deliver cookies. What you do is not all that important. What matters is showing extra love to those who are missing a spouse, a parent, or a child.
2. Plan some special events for your youth. Christmas can be very busy for you and other adults. It may be easiest to avoid special events for youth because of everything else that is going on. But some teenagers in your group may have more of a sense of family in the youth group than they do in their home. Little gifts your youth ministry gives to students may be the most thoughtful gifts some students receive. Time to sing around a piano or bake cookies together may be the only opportunity some of your students get to do things like these.
3. Create opportunities for students to give to others during the Christmas season. Teenagers need to be taught the old lesson that to give is more blessed than to receive. But it may be especially important for students who are disappointed with what their family does for them at Christmas. Learning the increased blessing of helping others at Christmas can help students to find joy by getting their focus on others.

Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. It is also a wonderful time to minister to the people in your community. Even though you have a lot going on, give some thought to what will help those who are having a sad Christmas in your church.

By Paul Gunn

The lives of today’s students have been shaped by 9/11. All their lives they’ve known people in the military. ROTC groups in high schools are flourishing. With the promise of a job in a stagnant economy along with the training and educational benefits, some of your students see the military as a viable option for their futures. For years of youth ministry, I never had even one student  join the military. Then all of a sudden after 9/11 several joined. Maybe you’ve not noticed, but this is indeed a war generation.

The support system around a new recruit is very important. Encourage, do not discourage. When one of your students joins the military he or she joins the millions of men and women who have sensed a similar call throughout American history. If the student’s parents freak out, encourage them to talk the decision through with their teenage child. Then, if the student makes the decision to enlist, encourage them to get the t-shirt and the bumper sticker. If possible, work with the recruiter to have the oath tendered in front of your church congregation. Then ask the parents and veterans to surround the new recruit for prayer. I’ve done this on two occasions and it was powerful.

Basic Military Training is not designed to be easy. It is designed to rebuild the person for success. The first few weeks are rough. As time passes the drill instructors grow fine leaders who gain enough confidence to be the world’s best war fighters. MAIL (as in the old-fashioned letter with envelope and stamp) is GOLD to a person in BMT. When the parents get an address, immediately send lighthearted letters of encouragement with Scripture passages, devotional thoughts, and prayers. Share some local news and ensure the troop that nothing exciting is happening at home and all is well. Do not talk about problems back home. But, send lots of letters. No troop has ever complained about receiving too much mail. Encourage students and adults to write. Ask them to keep the letters  simple. Only send letters that fold flat and fit in letter size envelopes. Write the address exactly as it is given to you and do not put any drawings or sayings on the envelope. You do not want to do anything that creates a teasing situation. Do not send packages while in BMT. Trust me on this. Opportunities for that will come later.

If possible, attend the graduation ceremony. The trip will be well worth the effort. It will mean so much to the family. The new airman, sailor, soldier, or marine will proudly introduce you to everyone.

Paul Gunn is a full time chaplain with the Air Force Reserve and a recruiter of chaplains. He served as a youth pastor for over 22 years. In his spare time, he directs missionfever.com.

By Donna Jones

I can still remember it. A white van drove into the mall parking lot. I watched my 21-year-old son climb in with nothing but a change of clothes and toiletries. Then, the van drove away, taking my first born son to a military processing center in Amarillo. My chest hurt . . . couldn’t breathe . . . tears flowed like the Niagara Falls. Kevin, my husband, Christopher’s father, was popping buttons off his shirt, he was so proud. Not me! I was scared! Driving home I came to a red light and laid my head on steering wheel and cried out to God: “I CAN’T DO THIS! IT’S TOO HARD AND I NEED YOU! THAT’S MY SON!” You know, He knew how I was feeling!

For the next three months I cried. Then what I was most fearful of happened: a terrorist attack catapulted us into war. All the fear rushed to the surface. But something changed. When we finally got to see that 6’2” man proudly standing before us in his Navy uniform, I started to see him through different eyes. It seemed that God began changing my fearful heart and began teaching me how to pray like I’ve never prayed before.

Fast forward two years . . . We got a call that Christopher is being sent to Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. Afraid? I’d be lying if I said no, but there was also trust. Over time I was being taught that I could trust God with my child. There was a peace in knowing that whatever happened, God was in control and Christopher was safe in His Hands whether it be on earth or in heaven.

So I prayed! Prayer became that connection with my son who was on the other side of the world, but also with my Father. I learned to pray not only for Christopher’s safety, but also that he would find favor with others around him and that he would be a light in a very dark place. I prayed for grace and strength and that he would always feel God’s presence when loneliness overcame him. I prayed that young soldiers who walked along side Christopher would come to know the Lord and secure their spiritual safety.

Whenever fear began to overwhelm my heart, prayer was my only peace. Prayer knitted my heart and soul to God in knowing that He knew what it was like to send His Son off. Not in a white van, but to a dark, ugly world to die. His mission was to SAVE and REDEEM those who would hear and respond to His voice. So if you are a parent of a soldier, run to God and pray. He does hear you! If you are a church youth leader, remember what moms and dads are going through . . . and pray for them, too.

Donna Jones is a mom in Odessa, Texas. She and her husband Kevin raised three amazing Christian kids who are all now young adults.

By Chris White

Barely eighteen years old, I graduated high school and was headed to basic training. Although military service had a long history in our family, I was unsure of what to expect as I headed for my first duty station. It didn’t take to long before I understood this life would be much different than living at home and going to high school.

Each and every day I faced a barrage of new challenges. The drill instructors are skilled at preparing young men and women for duty. Part of this preparation is ensuring each enlisted person has been challenged in every area of life (mental, physical, emotional, and even spiritual). As I reflect on life, my military service played a pivotal role in my faith development.

Determined to live a life of faith proved to be one of my first big challenges. My drill instructor had our platoon, some 60 guys, in a training room talking with us. One of the first questions out of his mouth was, “Which of you in this room is religious and believes in God?” It was decision time: Not raise my hand and try to fly under the radar or raise it to acknowledge my faith and bear witness for God? Out of all those guys in that room, I was the only one to raise my hand. Everyone laughed. My drill instructor said, “Go ahead and laugh privates; when things get tough, this is the guy you are going to come to.” Throughout my time in basic training and advanced individual training (AIT), there were three guys who came to know Christ as a result of my being there and being willing to take a stand.

As a youth minister, you have a great opportunity to encourage students who have enlisted in the military. If I were to talk to your students, here’s what I would tell them: Allow God to use you in the midst of any circumstance. God can and will use you if you are willing to be available to Him. As you prepare for military service, remember God’s promise to Joshua and to each of us found in Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go.” Seize this time in life as a key opportunity to live out the vibrant faith that God has given to you.

Chris White is a veteran youth minister who lives in Edwardsville, IL. He has served churches in Arkansas, Virginia, and Illinois.

By Mike Lovato

Every youth ministry is different. Some groups are made up of mostly students who grew up in the church. Others consist of teenagers who had never darkened the doors of the church until they visited your youth group. In every youth ministry, though, there are most likely students who are themselves believers, but one or both of their parents don’t share their faith. How can we encourage teenagers in this situation? Here are a few thoughts you could give your students:

• Thank God for where He’s placed you. The home is one of the most difficult places to live out your faith, even if you had the “perfect church family.” But God has placed you in your specific family at this specific point in time so that you can be salt and light to your parents. Yes, that’s a challenge, but it’s also a HUGE opportunity.

• Don’t forget that your parents are still your parents.  The command to honor your mother and father doesn’t just apply to kids with Christian parents. You still have a responsibility to God and your parents to listen to them and obey.

• Stay plugged into your spiritual family. The Bible describes the church as a family and you definitely need that support base. Stay involved with Bible studies, worship services, and youth activities.  There may be times your parents aren’t entirely supportive of your faith or church involvement. Try to exercise patience and display God’s love in those moments.

• Keep praying and sharing. I’ve seen dads who lived apart from Christ for decades come to faith eventually. The testimony of their Christian kids is a key part of that process. Don’t give up that your parent (or parents) may come to know Christ!

It’s not easy for your students who don’t have a supportive spiritual environment at home. But keep encouraging your students to reflect Christ at home as they live through the power of the Holy Spirit. And keep being that support to them as they are involved in your ministry.

Mike Lovato is the Student Pastor at Magnolia Avenue Baptist Church in Riverside, CA and has been involved in student ministry for the last 13 years. He blogs very infrequently at http://mikelovato.wordpress.com.

By Alvan Tauli

When parents divorce, teenagers can feel cut off from the parent they don’t live with. In some contexts, such as the Philippines–my country, it is not uncommon for a parent of a teenager to be working in a different city or different country. So, when teenagers struggle with their feelings of detachment, how can a youth leader help?

Listen. As a practical person my impulse is usually to try to make things better right away with a theologically correct word. But those who voice out such a concern are often in a situation that will not become better immediately. It may not even be in our capacity to address. We might be able to help with the problem but that will not start if we do not stop to really listen and try to understand what the youth is trying to tell us. If nothing else, we can be a friend to share a burden and a shoulder to cry on. That may not seem like a lot but it is the start of trying to understand.

Don’t offer easy answers. Saying “I understand” may not be the best thing. Unless you have undergone something similar to their situation you may not be able to grasp the magnitude of what they feel and experience. True understanding might require many one-on-one talks with the teenager and other members of the family.

Connect them to people who have experienced the same thing. A person who has gone through that same struggle of missing a parent can be an incredible testimony of God’s provision and faithfulness.

Get to know the family background of your students. What I’ve noticed in my ministry is that many times the kids who are really disconnected because of the absence of a parent are not the kids who approach the youth leader. These kids often refuse to talk about it or act as if there is no problem. Sudden behavioral changes, such as fighting, changes in relationships with friends, or problems in school often reveal that they are affected. Meeting the parents of your students or visiting their homes will give you insight into issues that may affect your teenagers.

We should also be careful with how we link being in a family with what we teach about God. For example, when we call God our Father youth may filter that through their relationship with their own father. So care must be taken to show what we mean by the Fatherhood of God. The same with families. The Bible itself highlights people who had all manner of family relational problems. And yet God was able to work in and through their problems.

When teenagers are hurting because of an absent parent, we may not be able to solve the problem but we can point our youth to the one who works in and through problems–God who turns all things for good.

Alvan Tauli is a youth leader and trainer for the Global Youth Ministry Network in Asia. Alvan and his family live in Manila, Philippines.

By Paul Kelly

Conflicts between parents and teenagers are almost inevitable. Whether the issue is the state of the teenagers room, their grades at school, or disagreements in life choices, most families encounter conflict. For some families, the conflicts are noisy with raised voices and slamming doors. For others, the conflicts are icy. But when a teenager confides in you as the youth leader that he or she is having a conflict with parents, what do you do?

• Don’t take a teenager’s side against a parent. Whether you think the parent is making great decisions or lousy ones, it is not your call and you are likely to undermine your ministry if you do. Unless a parent is doing something to cause immediate danger to his or her teenager, don’t take sides.
• Focus on the teenager. Ask him to think about his choices, what he did wrong in the situation, and how he can better communicate with his parents. Reinforce the biblical standard of honoring and obeying parents. Acknowledge his feelings . . . anger, frustration, hurt, rejection . . . but explain that he must not use his feelings as an excuse to make ungodly choices.
• Help the teenager see the other side. Ask her to look at things from her parent’s point of view. Suggest she think about why her parent made the decisions he or she has.
• Take the situation to God. Make sure students understand that God cares about the conflicts they have in life and is always ready to listen. Prayer can change situations, though God often moves by first changing the person who is praying. Take a few minutes to pray with the teenager.

A man once asked Jesus to get involved in a squabble he was having with his brother. “Tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me,” he asked Jesus (Luke 12:13). Jesus refused to get involved in the conflict between the two brothers and instead confronted the greed that divided them. I think the story is helpful in dealing with others’ family conflicts. Use every opportunity to guide teenagers into a deeper walk with Christ. Drawing close to Christ may not be the easy answer when a parent says no to an activity the teenager wants to do, but it is the best answer for the teenager and for his family.

Paul Kelly is Founder and President of SmallYouthGroup.com and teaches youth ministry and Christian education at Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary.

By Will King

So many teenagers today graduate from high school unsure about what they want to do in life. They may be passionate in their faith, but they are unclear about what God’s calling for their life is. Fusion caught my attention because it provides a radical mission experience for teenagers while they complete their first year of college courses.

Fusion is a program of Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. The basic premise of the program is that young men and women who have just graduated high school are capable of achieving great things for Christ. I have scene first hand how this program is maturing and growing the students that I have sent to it.

The program spends the first semester training and preparing the students to live in some very “out of the box” places. They receive language, survival, and first aid training, and so much more.  There is a real focus on leadership and spiritual maturity. They then spend the second semester working along side IMB missionaries in these countries, where they continue their studies as well as do missions in a real world environment.

As I was researching this program for my own students I got the pleasure of sitting down with a few Fusion alumni and talking over dinner. As we ate at an Iraqi restaurant, the students ordered for me in Arabic and discussed theology and global politics, not video games, and gossip. These were not kids; they were adults. This is not a missions program so to speak; it just uses missions as a biblical conduit to help Young people reach the spiritual maturity that they are seeking. I love this program and will continue to guide my students in that direction. For more info:  www.gofusion.ws

Will King is the Student Pastor at Memorial Baptist Church in Houston, TX. He is passionate about equipping and empowering teenagers and young adults to impact the world for Christ.

By Janet Erwin

Do you feel like your students have tunnel vision when it comes to prayer? If you want to expand your horizons, let’s look at some ways to go global with praying.

1. Seek and find. Pull out a map or globe and discover a little of what your group knows about other parts of the world. Focus on people groups and world religions that are dominate in other parts of the world. Talk about what it means to live in a Third-World country or under a dictatorship. Awareness is key to developing a heart for people in other lands. You can’t pray for what you don’t know about. Look for video clips you can show from other countries to build awareness. Move what you’ve learned to prayer points and get down to the business of praying specifically.
2. Travel through time. Ask your computer-savvy kids to determine time zones in regions of the world. Use a map/globe to pray on “their” time, as nationals and missionaries in these zones sleep, eat dinner, or whatever may be happening while you pray. You can find all kinds of ways to pray for people groups and missionaries by visiting www.imb.org or www.persecution.com.
3. Pray and eat. Choose an international restaurant to visit in your area. Ask each of your youth to goggle the country beforehand and bring one prayer request for that country’s people. While the group is waiting to be served, share requests and pray. If you don’t have an international restaurant in your area, you can always prepare some food from that country. Engage your server. If he is an international, ask some specific questions about his country. Ask him if he has any needs you can pray for. Follow through by praying for him.

Challenge your students to keep up with world news and turn what they learn into prayer points for the people in those countries. Numerous missionaries have Web sites with some great information about what God is doing among their affinity groups. Suggest students do some Web investigation and begin their journey as a global prayer warrior.

Janet Erwin is the editor of Missions Mosaic Magazine, a resource from the Women’s Missionary Union. She and her family have served as missionaries in Northern Europe and the Caribbean.