Fun

I spent last week hanging out with an amazing youth minister in Malmo, Sweden, Joel Sjovall. (Don’t even try to pronounce the last name unless you are Swedish.) Youth ministry in Sweden has its challenges. Teenagers in Sweden are often slow to respond to the gospel. They often lack spiritual background and are hesitant to accept the teachings of Jesus at face value. However, youth leaders in Sweden are deeply committed to Christ and are desperately sharing Christ with a generation they hope will turn back to God.

Joel introduced me to the Swedish word “Fika.” It roughly translates, a small meal. It is more than a snack, and it seems that the purpose is more social than nutritional. The food they eat for fika can be almost anything: a roll with cheese, falafal (a Malmo favorite), fruit with cream. Sharing fika gives people time to talk, laugh, and enjoy time together.

Perhaps by now you are saying: Thanks for the lesson in Swedish culture, but what does that have to do with youth ministry where I live? I’m glad you asked.

The message of Christ is desperately important. There is nothing we do as youth leaders that is more important than helping teenagers to truly know Jesus Christ. However, sometimes in our zeal, we may miss an important component of the message of Christ . . . the “one another” part of it. The Bible calls us to love one another, serve one another, care for one another, correct one another, and teach one another. At times in ministry, we may spend so much time as youth leaders talking that we miss the chance for teenagers to be with one another.

In Joel’s ministry, teenagers usually gather for fika before worship and teaching. Youth leaders sit among teenagers, encouraging them and listening to their hearts. Teenagers have time to tease each other and get to know one another. And sometimes, they do exactly what the Bible calls them to . . . to love, serve, correct, and teach each other. After the worship service on Sunday at Joel’s church, has fika together so members can invite guests to sit and talk.

Maybe teenagers in Oklahoma or Illinois would look at you funny if you told them you were going to start having fika before Bible study. But, I wonder: Do we need to be more intentional about helping teenagers to have times just to be with one another?

Unless God does something to call this generation of teenagers to himself, the vast majority of them will spend eternity separated from him. That thought is chilling to me. I believe this it us to two endeavors. First, we need to pray diligently for God to move among young people. If God chooses to send revival, I believe it will most likely begin with teenagers. Second, we need to commit ourselves to slipping teenagers out of the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light by telling them the Good News of Jesus Christ: his resurrection power to forgive sins and change the eternal destiny of all who repent of sin and place their faith in him. As we seek to tell the story of Christ, I think there are a few things we need to keep in mind about lost youth.

First, they are lost. Big surprise, huh? Lost people act like lost people. They may drink, have sex, use bad language, get into fights. It is unhealthy as well as unchristian, but it may make perfect sense to a lost teenager. If we are going to reach lost kids, we can’t expect them to act right before we talk to them, invite them to church, or love them. Remember that Jesus was willing to spend time with sinners. He didn’t condone their behavior, but he showed them genuine love.

Second, the greatest need of everyone you meet is Jesus. They may need food or disciple or love from a human, but those things are secondary to their greatest need. No one who gives his or her life to Christ will be worse off because of it. True, being a Christian may be a challenge at times, but the knowledge of Christ is so sweet that nothing can replace it. We don’t need to be shy in talking about Jesus.

Third, lost kids don’t want to be singled out. They don’t want to be put on the spot or embarrassed. In short, they are not so much different from the rest of us. Some of our approaches to evangelism may make kids feel talked down to or condemned. Smile. Laugh. Have conversations. Show interest in what interests them. And, when the Holy Spirit opens an opportunity, ask a question like: Has anyone ever showed you what the Bible says it takes to go to heaven?

Jesus had been out teaching his disciples. When they came back to Capernaum, Matthew records that Jesus went to Peter’s house (Matt. 8:14). It was a big deal to Matthew because Jesus miraculously healed Peter’s mother-in-law. But, I wonder if there is a simpler message for those of us who minister to youth in small churches. Teenagers live in homes with families. Go where they live.

I know, the culture was different then. People didn’t go out to restaurants all the time. They didn’t have little league or choir practice. And we are way past the day when you can drop by someone’s house and expect anyone to be home. But there is still great value in finding time to go to where people live.

Call ahead. Don’t just show up. You will be much more welcome if you ask the parents (not just the kid) if you can drop by for a few minutes.

Bring gifts. Okay, this is a little odd for many Americans, but I learned this from my neighbors in Nashville who were El Salvadoran. They would never come to my home without a small gift. I used to keep copies of Living with Teenagers magazine as a small gift to give to parents when I went by to see them.

Tell them why you came. Make it simple. Something like: I like getting to know the families of our students and love getting to see where they live.

Listen more than you talk. Too often, people have an agenda when they go to someone’s house. Honestly, most people who come to my house are trying to sell me something. Notice things they set out–that’s a cue to what members of the family think are most important. Ask the family about things, and listen to their stories.

Don’t stay long. You will be much more welcome to come back if you spend 20 minutes and leave than if you stay all evening long.

And, it isn’t a bad thing to invite folks to get to know you in your home either.

Last Sunday my church held a church-wide picnic. I know, for those of you guys in Illinois and Nebraska, having a church-wide picnic is a little early, but it works pretty well in Southern California. The Pastor (who is a bit of a sports nut) declared this our opening of baseball season and divided us into American League and National League fans. For us, mostly Dodgers fans and Angels fans. I’m sure the Angels and the Dodgers would have been mortified if they could have seen the little kids and grandmas at our church hitting at a wiffle ball, but it made us happy. I know that lots of churches . . . particularly small churches . . . have church picnics, so I’m really not telling you about this because i think it is a novel idea. I’m telling you about it because I think it illustrates a significant point about youth ministry in the small church. I think we actually had more teenagers at that picnic/wiffle ball game than we have had at our recent youth activities.

Youth ministry in the small church has this incredible opportunity of connecting teenagers with oldsters and youngsters in the church. Kids can learn to laugh and love people of all ages . . . and a lot of kids get a chance to see their parents and maybe even their pastor actually playing.

Yes, youth ministry activities . . . the kind where only kids and their adult sponsors show up . . . are valuable and play an important role in youth ministry. Don’t miss giving youth opportunities to hang out with youth from time to time. But I think we should view these church wide experiences as part of our youth ministry as well. Youth ministry is not a set of young-people only activities. Youth ministry is what a church does to help their teenagers fall in love with God and grow to mature faith in Christ. And sometimes that means seeing people older than they are up close enough to understand the roll faith plays in adult life.

One summer, I planned this day of site-seeing for our students. St. Louis was only a little over an hour from the Illinois city I was working and yet I had never gone up in the arch, seen Bush Gardens, or spent any time on the Mississippi River. I figured some of the kids in the youth group would enjoy seeing those things, so we blocked a day, enlisted some adults, arranged transportation, and started signing kids up. It wasn’t the best attended event we had that summer, but it was a lot of fun. The next day, my pastor asked how the trip had gone. Seems like a reasonable question, but I had a hard time coming up with an answer. How had it gone? It was fun, so that was good. Not many youth attended, so I guess that was bad. The truth is, I really didn’t know how it had gone because I really didn’t know what I was trying to accomplish.

Students love fun. I guess that is a silly statement to make. Of course, they like fun. So, is any event we plan successful if it is fun? I’ve come to believe that youth group activities should be purposeful, intentional. If the youth leader isn’t sure what the activity is supposed to accomplish, the chances are activities will be . . . well, purposeless.

Why do youth group activities? There are lots of reasons. You may do an activity to create a sense of community with your group. I think that is a great group. Adults can build fellowship by sitting around, sipping coffee, and talking about their aches and pains. Kids don’t tend to build fellowship that way. They tend to feel connected with each other when they sweat together. They can play hard or they can work hard, but sweat tends to make teenagers feel connected. How can I know if the activity accomplished that? Well, if two kids who didn’t really know each other can’t stop talking on the way home, it’s a pretty good sign that your mission was accomplished.

You may do an activity to reach kids for Christ. You plan something fun to give your students something to invite their friends to. You make it an awesome time, but you work hard on showing them what it means to be a follower of Christ. At some point, whether at the event or after, you talk to them about what it means to be a Christ-follower. How can you know if the activity helped you reach people for Christ? Well, did you have new people show up? Did they seem to be interested in your life purpose? If you got the chance to connect with lost teenagers, you were probably successful.

You may do an activity to connect parents to their teenagers. You may do an activity to get a group excited about a new discipleship series you are launching. You may do an activity that helps kids to find ways to minister to other people as they are going.

The problem with many small youth groups is that they don’t know why they do what they do. We’ve always done it that way, may be their thinking. Or, when I was a kid, we loved doing this activity. Those really aren’t great reasons for doing activities. Activities should be fun, but you should know what you are trying to accomplish. When you do, you can figure out if you accomplished the purpose.

The new pastor has two teenagers, a middle school son and a high school junior daughter. You have hoped that your church would build a youth group, but the only teenager in the church for the last year has been your son . . . the same age as the new pastor’s son. Because you really want a youth group at your church for these students, you agree to lead the youth group. Okay, maybe your story is different than the one above, but how do you grow a youth ministry when you only have a few students in your church? As you know, the biggest problem you face is that teenagers are most often attracted to other teenagers.

The bad news is, prepackaged approaches don’t usually work. If the church across town grew a group by having Friday night masquerade parties, it’s not very likely the same thing will work for you. Start with prayer. Ask God to show you what you need to do, who you need to reach, what activities you need to do, how you need to go about getting your teenagers involve in ministry. Then . . .

A female high school junior is not very likely to get excited about hanging out with a couple of middle school boys. Enlist her help first. Help her to understand that you want her to be a leader . . . not just another student. Tell her you would like to meet with her fairly often to get her help to plan the Bible studies, determine what mission projects you need to do, and determine what you can do that will be fun for the younger kids. She may not respond to your request for help, but if she does she will be a great example for the younger students and is more likely to invite her friends and to look to you to help her as she develops in her spiritual life.

Don’t over-do the activities. Plan about one activity each month (in addition to your weekly Bible study). Design half the activities to be just for fun and encourage the students to bring a friend. Design the other half to get the students involved in ministry to someone . . . and encourage the students to bring a friend.

Focus your youth ministry on the students you have. Plan things that are fun for two or three students. Let them know how much you enjoy being with them. Look for ways to help them to grow in their walk with God.

Create a sense of openness in the group. There is always room for another student or two.

As students begin to feel at home in your youth ministry, find ways to get to know their parents. Invite their parents to come to church with them. Take time before or after youth events to talk to parents as they drop off their students. Ask parents if they would be willing to help drive or bring food. Help them to connect with other people in the church.

This Sunday a new ninth grader was in the youth group. I watched as he sat with several guys his own age–guys he didn’t know. They didn’t really talk to him much and he didn’t say anything to them. How do you help a student to connect with your group?

We can harp on our students to make youth feel at home. It is good when they start to understand that they should try to make other students to feel welcome. But it is terrifying to ask most 14-year-old students to make friends with a kid they have never seen before. They seldom know what to say. They definitely don’t want to be perceived as stupid by the new kid–or by the other kids that see them trying to talk to the new kid. Most 14-year-olds lack the social skills to make someone feel at home. (If we are really being honest, we’d have to say that a lot of adults suffer from the same deficit. But, let’s not go there.)

So, how do you break through and help students feel welcome? There are probably a lot of answers to that question, and I’d love for some of you to respond with your thoughts below. But, let me tell you what happened Sunday.

One of the kids picked up a trivia game. Several of the kids got involved in trying to answer the questions. Before I knew it, all of the kids were laughing and trying to offer their answers. Every kid, including the new ninth-grader.

There is something about play that allows us to let down our inhabitions and start to connect with each other. Maybe play helps us to get the focus off of ourselves and onto the game. Or maybe laughter is just good for us. But play almost always has the effect of helping people–especially teenage people–to feel comfortable with each other.

Does the game suggested in this week’s Bible study seem silly and pointless? Perfect. Use it to get your students comfortable with each other.

Lesson Four: Take Time to Play. It Paves the Way.

Another tool in building bridges to students is to remember to enjoy life. Enjoy people. Enjoy the teaching, coaching, or parenting experience. Some of my favorite times with students have been playing a game with them . . . tennis, ping-pong, football, basketball, golf—whatever we can do together. When you play with them, they feel valued.

Last fall, on a guys retreat, some of our ninth grade guys slipped down to the lake and took a late night dip. Some of the students told me they were down there. I made my way down there to tell them to head up to their cabins. When I arrived, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to run in to the frigid water with them before sending them to their cabins. In that plunge into the lake, I connected with them in a way I never had before.

The connection you get with students when you choose to play with them allows you to have a voice in their world. We’re not playing only because we like to play. Though we may get accused of trying to regain our lost youth, that’s not really it. The play enables opens doors for us to share the message of Christ with them . . . and have them hear it. You may still have to be the adult that sends them back to bed, but at least you’re wet with them when you do it.

Zach Skipper has spent over 12 years working with students. He has served as a youth minister, speaker, and bible study teacher. He is currently leading Bigtime Ministries while part-time coaching at one of the country’s leading Junior Highs in Birmingham, AL. To find out more about Zach’s ministry, contact him at www.bigtimeministries.com.

Ever have one of those times when only two kids show up for your fun night? Awful, right? Well, maybe not.

A fun time with two students can be fun, but you will have to throw out all of those games that have kids break up into teams of four. Here are a couple of ideas that have been around a while, but you can play them anywhere with no set-up . . . and they work with two kids.

1. Play Thumb Wars. Two people interlock the fingers of their right hands with thumbs sticking up. Then, each person tries to “pin” the thumb of his or her opponent using only their thumb. First one to hold the thumb of the other down for the count of three wins.
2. Play a giant game of Dots. Cover a page with dots that align in rows and columns. Each player places a line between two adjoining dots, either up and down or side to side. (No horizontal lines.) Any time a player creates a box, he or she puts an initial in the box and gets a point. The object of the game is to keep from leaving three sides of a box for your opponent. You can do it on the back of an envelope or on a giant sheet of paper on the wall.
3. Play the Double Letter game. This is a guessing game that works best if students don’t know the game. Begin by saying two related things. The first one has a double letter, the second doesn’t. For example, It’s apples but not oranges, or It’s rabbits but not hares. Each student should offer an example. Tell them if they are right and wrong. Keep going around the circle of three until they figure it out.
4. Going to the Moon. Like the game above, this is a guessing game. Each person says, “I’m going to the moon and I’m going to take . . . ” and they complete the sentence with something that begins with their first initial. Keep going until they both figure it out.
5. Hangman. Come up with a title (like a book or movie) or a person’s name and draw a space for every letter. Make sure to separate words. Draw a gallows and allow the kids to take turns guessing letters. If the letter exists in your title, write it in. If it doesn’t, begin drawing the person who is being hanged. When the head, body, both arms and both legs are drawn, they hang. If someone guesses the answer, he or she wins.
6. Boggle. If you don’t have the board game, just write a list of seven random letters and give students a minute to write as many words as they can with those letters.

So, anyone have great games to play with two kids? If so, add them in a comment below.

This weekend we held our annual youth group progressive dinner. I’m not really suggesting that as an activity for your group. It’s an old idea and maybe not very cutting edge. But, the key word for us is ANNUAL. Our kids look forward to this annual chance to wander from house to house stuffing their faces and talking to their friends.

If you think teenagers aren’t interested in traditions, you have misunderstood them. They love traditions. Why?

• Traditions create memories. They get to talk about what happened the last time you did the activity. The things they do over and over again will likely be the things they will talk about when asked about their youth group experience.
• Traditions provide security. You may have a much better idea for what the group could do, but kids are probably going to prefer to do things they have done before. The world of teenagers is changing so quickly that having some traditions they can count on provides a bit of security.
• Traditions give students something they can invite friends to. A giant water war may be lots of fun, but if your kids think it might flop, they probably won’t invite their friends. However, if this is the third year you have done the water war, kids will have some sense of what is going to happen and will feel more confident about inviting their friends.

So, should we ever kill a tradition? Yep, but we should have a good reason to kill it. If a tradition becomes destructive, kill it. If the tradition eats up too many resources to justify it, you might want to kill it. If a tradition seems to lose its appeal to the kids, kill it.

Think about the traditions in your group. What are they? What makes them fun? What do they do to help your students connect with each other? Connect with you and other leaders? Connect with God?