I spent last week hanging out with an amazing youth minister in Malmo, Sweden, Joel Sjovall. (Don’t even try to pronounce the last name unless you are Swedish.) Youth ministry in Sweden has its challenges. Teenagers in Sweden are often slow to respond to the gospel. They often lack spiritual background and are hesitant to accept the teachings of Jesus at face value. However, youth leaders in Sweden are deeply committed to Christ and are desperately sharing Christ with a generation they hope will turn back to God.

Joel introduced me to the Swedish word “Fika.” It roughly translates, a small meal. It is more than a snack, and it seems that the purpose is more social than nutritional. The food they eat for fika can be almost anything: a roll with cheese, falafal (a Malmo favorite), fruit with cream. Sharing fika gives people time to talk, laugh, and enjoy time together.

Perhaps by now you are saying: Thanks for the lesson in Swedish culture, but what does that have to do with youth ministry where I live? I’m glad you asked.

The message of Christ is desperately important. There is nothing we do as youth leaders that is more important than helping teenagers to truly know Jesus Christ. However, sometimes in our zeal, we may miss an important component of the message of Christ . . . the “one another” part of it. The Bible calls us to love one another, serve one another, care for one another, correct one another, and teach one another. At times in ministry, we may spend so much time as youth leaders talking that we miss the chance for teenagers to be with one another.

In Joel’s ministry, teenagers usually gather for fika before worship and teaching. Youth leaders sit among teenagers, encouraging them and listening to their hearts. Teenagers have time to tease each other and get to know one another. And sometimes, they do exactly what the Bible calls them to . . . to love, serve, correct, and teach each other. After the worship service on Sunday at Joel’s church, has fika together so members can invite guests to sit and talk.

Maybe teenagers in Oklahoma or Illinois would look at you funny if you told them you were going to start having fika before Bible study. But, I wonder: Do we need to be more intentional about helping teenagers to have times just to be with one another?

This week I am traveling in Sweden. I have a friend who leads a youth ministry in Malmo, near Copenhagen. Yesterday, while walking around town, I wanted to ask him if he wanted to get something to eat and decided to try it in Swedish. Instead of using the word “something,” I asked if he wanted chocolate to eat. He gave me an odd look and said, You want to get some chocolate? (Fortunately, he speaks fluent English.) While I have made worse errors in my life, it reminded me of the challenge of cross-cultural communication.

In most cases, the teenagers you minister to don’t speak another language. (I guess it may seem like they do, at times.) But there are cultural differences that influence your teenager and may make communication difficult at times. Sometimes what teenagers hear is not what we are trying to say. Understanding the words is not usually the problem. Understanding the context sometimes is.

Youth ministry means hearing teenagers, even when they are saying things that are hard to hear. Their language may define “love” through a provocative MTV filter. It may include a definition of “family” may be something caustic and angry. For some, the word “Jesus” may be equated with rules or may have little meaning at all.

So, how do we communicate cross-culturally with teenagers? We listen well. We teach with more than words. We depend on God’s Spirit to translate His Word into their hearts.

Death is one of those subjects most of us would just as soon avoid. Many teenagers in your youth group will face death. They may lose a grandparent. In a few crisis situations, death may strike a friend. A few may experience the death of a member of their immediate family. When teenagers face death, how do you help? Here are a few things to keep in mind when one of your students experiences the death of someone close to him or her:

1. Every grief experience is different. How a teenager will experience grief depends on a vast number of factors: the personality of the student, how close the student felt to the person who died, the extent to which the death will change the student’s life, how profoundly the student experiences the death as a threat to his or her own mortality, the social support system that surrounds the teenager, and more. Don’t expect teenagers to follow a script in the way they deal with death. Allow each of them to express their feelings of grief in ways that fit them.
2. Students may act out their feelings in ways that are harmful to themselves or others. Some teenagers may lash out at others. Some may be violet or destructive. Some may turn to alcohol or illegal drugs. Stay close to the student. Make contact often, especially when the student loses someone very close to them to death. Watch for danger signs. If you discover (or suspect) the teenager is engaging in dangerous behavior, get help. Don’t try to address this on your own. Talk to the parents and then find a Christian counselor who can help the student with intense anger and pain.
3. Death comes in many forms. The hardest losses to get over are usually sudden. When a parent dies with a sudden heart attack or a friend is killed in an accident, teenagers will tend to play the event over and over again in their minds. They will question what they could have done to prevent the situation. They may blame themselves for the death. Listen to teenagers thoughts and concerns. Make sure they know that you are seeking to understand how they feel. It is unlikely the teenager could have done anything to prevent the death; assure them that they are not at fault.However, death can also come in the form of long, drawn-out illness. A parent may contract cancer or a grandparent may die after months or years of illness. While the long illness can be tormenting, teenagers usually have time to say good-bye and to work through some of their feelings during the illness. Occasionally, parents will try to shield their teenager from the news of impending death. That is seldom helpful and can be harmful to teenagers. It may help parents to talk through with them how to tell their teenager.

When a teenager in your youth group faces the death of someone close, the most important thing you can do is be close. Offering love, support, and a listening ear, and assuring them of God’s love and concern for him or her is normally the most valuable thing you can do.

Human culture changes. People live, think, eat, and relate in ways that are different from one place to another and from one time to another. However, the lasting principles for ministry are found in God’s unchanging Word. A lot of books have been written to speak to today’s youth culture. But, when you train people to lead youth ministry all over the world, teaching eternal principles is all that makes sense. And for those of us in smaller churches, a lot of the big idea books don’t really connect anyway. Fortunately, what God said is true whether you minister in Swinney Switch, TX; New Berlin, IL; or Anaheim, CA where I live.

Roger Glidewell, Founder and Executive Director of Global Youth Ministry and President of the Institute for Global Youth Studies trains students to do ministry all over the world then places them in ministry contexts where they can flesh out the ideas. He recently allowed me to read one of the books he has developed for his courses: Youth Ministry by the Book, A Biblical Framework. It is a great resource that provides a simple plan for doing youth ministry that can be applied to any ministry context.

Glidewell believes the purpose of youth ministry is to bring glory to God. We could focus on a lot of objectives, but ministry only brings God glory when he is the focus of all we do. In fact, Glidewell warns, “We should avoid thinking that somehow we are able to develop a human strategy that will accomplish eternal goals.” There are a lot of ways to fill a youth room. Glorifying God is a different goal.

Glidewell also teaches the importance of building a team to do ministry . . . even in a very small church. He wrote, “For the youth minister to build relationships with youth is vital. But if you desire to have long-term effectiveness there is a relationship even more important: You must build a team of leaders who will help to extend your reach and multiply your effectiveness.”

Glidewell sites 1 John 2:12-14 as a picture of the maturity levels at which your students may be. Some students are at the point of “Availability.” They are new believers who may have little understanding and more bore easily but they have made a commitment to Christ and are eager to get involved. Some students are at the point of “Accountability.” They are growing in their faith. They are becoming more effective in their investment in ministry. A few students may be at the point of “Ability.” They are mature in their faith and can serve as an example to others. Of course, some students are at the point of “Apathy” and have no real relationship with Christ. Glidewell suggests that youth ministry should find ways to engage all four groups. Sound hard? He says to start with what you have and build from there.

Youth Ministry by the Book has been published for youth at Global Youth Ministry and are not available in bookstores. If you would like a copy, the price is $14.99 plus shipping and you can order it by emailing info@globalyouthministry.org.

Early in youth ministry, I really thought my investment would make the difference for Christ in the lives of the teenagers with whom I worked. Some of the teenagers would tell you I was important to them. But I don’t think any of them were really shaped for life by my really cool Bible studies. In youth ministry, we play a vital role in helping teenagers to get face-to-face with Christ. However, research says the faith of most teenagers ends up looking a lot like the faith of their parents. The truth is, we may have more impact on teenagers by encouraging parents to live out their faith with passion in front of their teenage children. Unfortunately, a lot of parents see our only role is to make sure their teenagers enough fun at church that they won’t get in trouble with sex or drugs. Finding ways to build up and encourage parents can be a challenge. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Most parents truly love their children and want the best for them. However, a lot of them simply do not realize how vital their involvement in their teenagers’ lives is. When students come home, grunt at them, and lock themselves in their bedrooms, the message parents hear is: LEAVE ME ALONE. And a lot of parents do. Parents may simply want to keep peace in the house. Parents need to be reminded how vital it is that they communicate with their kids, that they set age-appropriate limits, and, perhaps most of all, that they listen.

2. Many parents of teenagers are in the sandwich generation. Not only do they have demands on their time to raise their teenage children–a task that seems daunting to many–but they may also be trying to help their aging parents. Add to that the physical and social changes in middle adulthood–slow decreases in sight and hearing, thinning hair and thickening mid-sections, decreases in muscle mass, and the realization that there are more years behind than ahead, to name a few–and you can understand why many parents feel stretched thin. Some youth leaders get frustrated because parents seem critical of the youth ministry. Try to hear the frustrations of parents through the lens through which they see the world. Many times, parents need encouragement more than anything else.

3. Lost parents need Christ. I know this sounds simplistic and it is not necessarily the youth ministers job to witness to every family member of every teenager who visits your church. However, your church needs to love families to Christ. The relationship you have with a teenage son or daughter will often give you a unique welcome into the home. Look for ways to care about and meet the needs of parents. Introduce them to others in your church who can continue that ministry. Be the champion at your church of ministries that will care for, equip, and encourage parents . . . whether you lead them or not.

Youth ministry is most effective when you are enhancing a faith that is being taught at home. Don’t miss the importance parents are to the life of faith their teenagers will develop.

Unless God does something to call this generation of teenagers to himself, the vast majority of them will spend eternity separated from him. That thought is chilling to me. I believe this it us to two endeavors. First, we need to pray diligently for God to move among young people. If God chooses to send revival, I believe it will most likely begin with teenagers. Second, we need to commit ourselves to slipping teenagers out of the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light by telling them the Good News of Jesus Christ: his resurrection power to forgive sins and change the eternal destiny of all who repent of sin and place their faith in him. As we seek to tell the story of Christ, I think there are a few things we need to keep in mind about lost youth.

First, they are lost. Big surprise, huh? Lost people act like lost people. They may drink, have sex, use bad language, get into fights. It is unhealthy as well as unchristian, but it may make perfect sense to a lost teenager. If we are going to reach lost kids, we can’t expect them to act right before we talk to them, invite them to church, or love them. Remember that Jesus was willing to spend time with sinners. He didn’t condone their behavior, but he showed them genuine love.

Second, the greatest need of everyone you meet is Jesus. They may need food or disciple or love from a human, but those things are secondary to their greatest need. No one who gives his or her life to Christ will be worse off because of it. True, being a Christian may be a challenge at times, but the knowledge of Christ is so sweet that nothing can replace it. We don’t need to be shy in talking about Jesus.

Third, lost kids don’t want to be singled out. They don’t want to be put on the spot or embarrassed. In short, they are not so much different from the rest of us. Some of our approaches to evangelism may make kids feel talked down to or condemned. Smile. Laugh. Have conversations. Show interest in what interests them. And, when the Holy Spirit opens an opportunity, ask a question like: Has anyone ever showed you what the Bible says it takes to go to heaven?

Matt Horne, First Baptist Church Hebron, Carrollton, TX would like your thoughts about this question . . .

How do I get youth to bring their Bibles to church?

Please offer your thoughts as comments below. We’ll be grateful for your creative thinking.