By David Bennett

I grew up participating with “Youth Sunday,” a day for youth to take leadership in the church. So when I became a youth minister I decided to bring what I remembered to be a positive experience with me. After weeks of preparation—planning the service, writing a sermon, practicing special music, getting pointers on worship leadership, attending staff meetings, and meeting with church committees—it was time to lead the Sunday service. I did what most youth ministers would have done: I prayed for the group then left them without an adult in the room. As I took my seat near the front of the worship center I thought crossed my mind: What if I get stood up? What if they don’t file out onto the platform and into the choir loft? Would they dare leave the congregation to figure out worship without leaders?

Fortunately for me the students came through. They entered in youthful reverence and an amazing worship experience followed. I kept my job. I had considered walking in with the students, but they didn’t need me. I had worked myself out of a job. However . . . I remember other ministries where the worst thing I could have done for the students and my ministerial career would have been to turn them over to themselves—even if it was only to pass the offering plates.

Ministry is a verb. Not just for you, but for your students as well. Your weeks are spent planning, meeting, speaking, leading, promoting, and connecting. Think about what you are doing that you could hand off to your students.

Invite students to plan with you. Students who are involved in planning are more likely to not only participate, but also to encourage their friends to participate. And as good as your ideas are, their ideas may even be better.

Have meetings with your students just like you do with your church staff. Ask students to regularly meet with you on Sunday afternoons, early mornings before school, or at other times that suit their busy schedules. Include representatives from your older and younger students. Look over your calendar of events. Evaluate past events. Discuss future events and how they support your mission. In a small youth group, everyone who wants can easily participate.

Take a break from your weekly talks and let a student speak in your place. Challenge students to stand in your shoes. When appropriate prepare a student to bring the Bible study or message you usually bring. Prepare them in advance. Have them present their message to you before they go live. And be sure you are present when they do so. Don’t plug in a student the Sunday or Wednesday when you are on vacation.

Obviously, these are only a few suggestions. Encourage students to lead in worship, prayer, teaching, and leading where they are equipped to do so. Constantly look for ways to push students forward in your ministry. As you allow students to use the gifts God has given them you are sharing ministry and developing leaders. Keep saying to yourself: Less of me. More of them. Less of me. More of them. Less of me. More of them. Do your best to work yourself out of a job . . . or at least into that back seat.

David Bennett is Director of Student Discipleship at St. George’s Church in Nashville, TN. He lives in nearby Brentwood with his wife Kimberly and their three teenage daughters.

By C. Gene Wilkes

Being a servant leader is not as confusing as it may seem. “How can a servant lead?” Or, “How does a leader serve?” are two questions you may ask immediately. A servant leads like Jesus who “came not be served but to serve” (Mark 10:45) when the ministry is not about him or her but about serving students and their families so they can become maturing followers of Jesus. Servant leaders lead others to their Leader and do not make everything about their personality or cleverness. Yes, use your personality and cleverness to attract and engage students, but the goal is that their hearts connect to God, not to be infatuated with you. Servants take their cue from their Leader rather than the last conference they attended (although these may help), and they make God’s mission to make disciples priority over the activity calendar. Servant leaders in student ministry serve God first and those who God entrusts to them. Me3 is their motto.

As the leader, students, parents, and the church expect you to be proactive to complete the mission of the group and be responsive to the needs of the students and their families—all of their needs! How can one person do all that? A servant leader serves those on mission with him or her. A servant leader equips/trains students and ministry partners how to carry out the mission of the group and to meet needs. If your group’s mission, for example, is to “change the world one student at a time, whenever, wherever,” you will spend your time training students and ministry partners how to change the world this way. If a family is in crisis, a servant leader will have ministry partners trained to be first responders and partners until health and relationships are restored. The leader is not left alone to serve the family.

Servant leaders do not attempt to lead by themselves. Like Jesus who “recruited twelve, graduated eleven, and invested in three,” servant leaders serve by investing in a team of leaders who can continue the ministry in their absence and do more together than alone. Servant leadership shows itself in team ministry. Just as a basketball team cannot win a championship with one superstar, so a student ministry cannot be effective with a single superstar leader. Servant leaders joyfully share leadership so the team, not the leader, can succeed in the game of ministry.

These basics of servant leadership can help you be effective in your ministry and be a model for student leaders who mature through your ministry. Read the Gospels and see how Jesus did it. It will make all the difference in the world.

Gene Wilkes is the senior pastor of Legacy Church in Plano, TX. He is the author of Jesus on Leadership and several other books on leadership. For more help in guiding your youth group in servant leadership, check out Gene’s study, Jesus on Leadership, Student Edition.

By Jane Wilson

Breaking up is hard to do . . . and that’s not just a song title. An easy break-up would go against teenage culture, as well as the basic nature of people. And when that break-up is within your youth group it can disrupt the whole group. In considering the “cure” for the situation, perhaps we should consider a few elements of prevention.

First of all, your students will date. And, if they are in their last years of high school, dating is not a bad thing. The concentration on just one person–the steady dating–is where a problem can arise. Actually, an opposite problem can arise when students “group date” well into college years and do not learn how to interact alone with the opposite sex and how to commit to another person. So, how can we take a typical rite of maturation (dating) and prevent it from causing problems and conflict among your students?

One preventive measure is to be sure your student ministry provides opportunities for gender-specific study and social activities. If your group is large enough to separate boys from girls in the Bible study hour, consider doing it. I prefer gender-specific Bible study groups throughout student ministry, but recognize that co-ed classes can function effectively in 11^th and 12^th grades of high school. Providing opportunities for the “couple” to be “un-coupled” can help lessen the shock (for both the couple and their friends) when the couple breaks up.

Another preventive measure is to begin now to create a culture of restrained conversation.  Proverbs provides admonition after admonition concerning the tongue, as does the book of James. In Proverbs 12:18, we are told, “There are those who speak rashly, like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (The Amplified Bible). Act quickly and decisively in all situations when you hear conversation that isn’t edifying, is harsh, is cruelly teasing, or is judgmental. Teach and preach about this topic and create “buy-in” from your student leaders and any adults who might spend time in your student ministry.

One other suggestion is to allow adults in your church to share with students about their own courtship and marriage. These living examples will show students the normalcy of the dating rituals and the breaking up that inevitably occurs. Adult leaders who have warm relationships with students can provide encouragement and support to those who are a part of the break-up, for they have walked that pathway themselves.

I once heard about a student minister who, at the beginning of camp or mission trip, reminded his students: “This is not a five-day date!” It is completely within your authority and leadership of your group to limit “couple time” during your youth group activities. And, of course, whenever excessive clinginess or affection presents itself, pull the couple aside and address it.

Remember: God wired us to desire the affections and connections with the opposite sex. Even when all the rules are followed, it is hard to sever the ties that are developed in a dating relationship. But, when through your teaching, your leadership, and the testimonies of other adults you can walk alongside students in these difficult times, you are preparing them for the inevitable “break ups” of their adult life as family relationships, work relationships, and church relationships sometimes go awry. And that preparation will make your youth group a friendly place for healing, rather than a minefield of gossip, taking sides, and criticism.

 Jane Wilson is the Youth Ministry Specialist at the Baptist General Convention of Texas in Dallas, Texas.

By Randy Fields

It’s Wednesday night and you are looking forward to a great time with your students only to discover that when Sally shows up, you sense a conflict between her and Jody. Conflict can find its way into any group at any given time, but in a small group it can have devastating results very quickly. While conflict happens, the best way to resolve potential conflict is before it ever begins.

As a leader of a small youth group, you have the opportunity to know your students very well. Use that strength to your advantage. As you talk with your students, listen for any potential conflicts that may be happening. As you help your group to mature encourage them to publicly affirm one another. Take some time every so often to just affirm every member of your group and let each student share something positive about each student.

Help your students focus on the strengths they have as a group and as individuals within the group. Encourage your students to grasp what the Apostle Paul meant in Romans 12 when he was talking about how each of us are a different part of the body. We each serve a different function in the body, yet we are still one body. Build into your weekly meetings an aspect of loving each other, praying for each other, accepting each other, and encouraging each other.

You may want to consider building a youth group creed with your students and allowing them to set the expectations of how they are going to treat each other. Copy and print the creed they have developed and keep it in front of them on a continual basis. While conflict may occur from time to time, you will be a much stronger and healthier group by practicing some of these ideas.

Randy Fields has been involved in student ministry for the past twenty-five years. He has a heart to reach youth, is a writer for Lifeway Church Resources, and is currently serving as the lead pastor of New Covenant Baptist Church in Grass Valley, CA.

By Paul Turner

Youth groups always have drama. It is just part of the DNA of being a teenager and so it becomes a part of your youth ministry. However, you can head some of that mess off. Since I sometimes have been accused of having the gift of sarcasm, I thought we might take a “tongue in cheek look” at How NOT to be a Peacemaker.

• Pick a student as “loser of the week” and make sure all the other students say mean and hateful things about him every time they see him. Encourage them to text them “loser” a couple of times/day.
• Pick sides in every argument. Be sure to tell the opposing side how dumb they are to think and believe what they do.
•  Tell students their parents are dumb and just don’t understand what it is like to be a teenager. Make sure you hold seminars for the students to attend on subject.
•  Whatever you do, do not mix Scripture into any discussion students are having. Only use your personal experiences. The Bible is outdated anyway, right?
• Tell the students you would like to paint the youth area/space/room but the adults in the church do not like them and want to punish them by making them stay in the worst rooms the church they can find.
• Never, and I mean never, admit you are wrong or have ever done anything wrong. Remind them that when they fail, they are the only ones who have ever done that. Maintain your perfect image at all times. Remind them how dumb they are to have made the mistakes they have made.
• Never return to the church on time after an event. Be sure to blame it on one or two kids for making you late. Make sure everyone knows it was never because of poor planning on your part.
•  Always threaten students with “I will kick you out of this group” just because you can. Fear is a great motivator and regardless if students are doing anything to warrant any kind of discipline, be sure to mess with them. All of their home situations are secure so you need to add some instability in their lives.
• Blame the students for everything. You have no faults.
•  Be sure to pick favorites in the group. Announce who the favorite is on the Internet, publications, and meetings. Be sure to change them around and don’t tell kids how or why they have fallen from the favored ranks.

I am sure that is more than enough sarcasm. I hope you get the gist of where I am coming from. Students need love, support, and a safe place. Choose to provide that for them physically, emotionally and spiritually. Save your sarcasm for the mirror. Punch yourself in the face verbally if you just have to spew it.

“The peacemakers are blessed, for they will be called sons of God” (Matt. 5:9).

Paul Turner is a husband, dad, and a youth ministry veteran. He loves encouraging youth ministers to partner with parents and help students know God, own their faith, and make their faith known. You can follow him on twitter @pturner63 or check out his musings at www.pturner63.blogspot.com

By Mike Lovato

Every youth ministry is different. Some groups are made up of mostly students who grew up in the church. Others consist of teenagers who had never darkened the doors of the church until they visited your youth group. In every youth ministry, though, there are most likely students who are themselves believers, but one or both of their parents don’t share their faith. How can we encourage teenagers in this situation? Here are a few thoughts you could give your students:

• Thank God for where He’s placed you. The home is one of the most difficult places to live out your faith, even if you had the “perfect church family.” But God has placed you in your specific family at this specific point in time so that you can be salt and light to your parents. Yes, that’s a challenge, but it’s also a HUGE opportunity.

• Don’t forget that your parents are still your parents.  The command to honor your mother and father doesn’t just apply to kids with Christian parents. You still have a responsibility to God and your parents to listen to them and obey.

• Stay plugged into your spiritual family. The Bible describes the church as a family and you definitely need that support base. Stay involved with Bible studies, worship services, and youth activities.  There may be times your parents aren’t entirely supportive of your faith or church involvement. Try to exercise patience and display God’s love in those moments.

• Keep praying and sharing. I’ve seen dads who lived apart from Christ for decades come to faith eventually. The testimony of their Christian kids is a key part of that process. Don’t give up that your parent (or parents) may come to know Christ!

It’s not easy for your students who don’t have a supportive spiritual environment at home. But keep encouraging your students to reflect Christ at home as they live through the power of the Holy Spirit. And keep being that support to them as they are involved in your ministry.

Mike Lovato is the Student Pastor at Magnolia Avenue Baptist Church in Riverside, CA and has been involved in student ministry for the last 13 years. He blogs very infrequently at http://mikelovato.wordpress.com.

By Alvan Tauli

When parents divorce, teenagers can feel cut off from the parent they don’t live with. In some contexts, such as the Philippines–my country, it is not uncommon for a parent of a teenager to be working in a different city or different country. So, when teenagers struggle with their feelings of detachment, how can a youth leader help?

Listen. As a practical person my impulse is usually to try to make things better right away with a theologically correct word. But those who voice out such a concern are often in a situation that will not become better immediately. It may not even be in our capacity to address. We might be able to help with the problem but that will not start if we do not stop to really listen and try to understand what the youth is trying to tell us. If nothing else, we can be a friend to share a burden and a shoulder to cry on. That may not seem like a lot but it is the start of trying to understand.

Don’t offer easy answers. Saying “I understand” may not be the best thing. Unless you have undergone something similar to their situation you may not be able to grasp the magnitude of what they feel and experience. True understanding might require many one-on-one talks with the teenager and other members of the family.

Connect them to people who have experienced the same thing. A person who has gone through that same struggle of missing a parent can be an incredible testimony of God’s provision and faithfulness.

Get to know the family background of your students. What I’ve noticed in my ministry is that many times the kids who are really disconnected because of the absence of a parent are not the kids who approach the youth leader. These kids often refuse to talk about it or act as if there is no problem. Sudden behavioral changes, such as fighting, changes in relationships with friends, or problems in school often reveal that they are affected. Meeting the parents of your students or visiting their homes will give you insight into issues that may affect your teenagers.

We should also be careful with how we link being in a family with what we teach about God. For example, when we call God our Father youth may filter that through their relationship with their own father. So care must be taken to show what we mean by the Fatherhood of God. The same with families. The Bible itself highlights people who had all manner of family relational problems. And yet God was able to work in and through their problems.

When teenagers are hurting because of an absent parent, we may not be able to solve the problem but we can point our youth to the one who works in and through problems–God who turns all things for good.

Alvan Tauli is a youth leader and trainer for the Global Youth Ministry Network in Asia. Alvan and his family live in Manila, Philippines.