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Get a group of youth leaders together and ask them about older youth. They will almost all begin to talk about how few older students stay involved in the youth group as they move toward high school graduation. Students begin to drive, get part-time jobs, are involved in an increasing number of activities, have more freedom to spend time on their own with friends . . . and seem to have less time for youth group. In small youth groups, we feel the press even more because we have so few older students to start with. Is this trend something we have to live with? Are students always going to move away from our youth ministries as they mature?

Maybe. As parents give their students more freedom to make their own decisions, some young men and women are going to opt out of youth ministry. I think our strategy with those students is to find new ways to challenge them. Help them not to graduate out of their faith because they feel like they have graduated out of the youth group.

However, we lose some students because of the way we do youth ministry. Think about it. a student enters the youth group around age 12 with huge excitement and high expectations. They are excited about things like youth camp, mission projects; time with older students they admire and time away from parents. And that excitement is enough to hold their attention . . . for a year or two. Eventually, all of the excitement fades. Youth camp becomes one of many optional activities. And some of the older students they once admired don’t seem as cool as they once did. Students develop a “been-there-done-that” attitude toward youth ministry. At the same time, they are striving to become the president of the student class, or the head cheer-leader, or the drum major of the band . . . roles that give them new challenges and more responsibility. Is it any wonder that students begin to drop out of our youth groups.

If we want our young people to continue to find our youth ministries engaging, we need to find ways to raise the challenge for them. I know, you don’t have the resources to develop a high school seniors seminar in apologetics. It might not help if you could. But the answer may not be all that tough. Give your older students status in your group. Ask for them to teach part of the Bible study lesson, not just sit in a class full of younger students. Give them responsibility for caring for younger students. Find their gifts and get them plugged into ministry projects in the youth group, in the church, or in the community. Raise the bar for students and many will respond.

Pseudo-stupidity.

It is when a student looks back at you with a completely blank look and shrugs when you ask him . . . well, anything. Your teenagers don’t have to be rocket scientists or brain surgeons, but one of the goals of adolescence, according to Robert Havighurst, is to develop intellectual skills. So, does the development of intellectual skills have anything to do with what we do in youth ministry, or is that one of those issues we can just count on other people to address?

Adolescent brains are changing. Teenagers are gaining the ability to think and reason in ways they never have before. (If you doubt that, ask their parents. Teenagers invent new ways almost daily to argue every possible point with their parental units.) In the middle of all of the changes going on in an adolescent’s body, what happens in her head may be the most significant part.

While the brain is developing quickly in adolescence, some research seems to indicate that it doesn’t just happen automatically. The cognitive processes (that is, how kids think) develop best when teenagers are guided to practice the hard work of careful consideration. When you ask a young teenager why he did what he did and he tells you he doesn’t know, the truth is, he doesn’t know. He is just beginning to develop the ability to figure all of that out.

One theorist suggested that for teenagers, higher reasoning is like going through a jungle with a machete. The first time through is hard work. You have to hack your way through dense undergrowth in order to clear a path. However, the next time you walk the same path, it will be much easier . . . and will get easier with each repeated effort. As teenagers practice firing the synapses that help them to think through a difficult problem or look at alternatives to their actions, it may be tough for them at first. Gradually, they will be able to do this thinking automatically, much as adults do.

So, how do you help teenagers develop intellectual skills?

1. As you are teaching and discipling younger youth, take it slow. You may have to ask them several follow-up questions before they can put the pieces together. They need you to lead them to think all the way through an issue and not just give them the correct answer.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask youth hard questions . . . especially as teenagers get older. Ask them to wrestle with issues of faith and come up with answers that make sense. You can cover more verses in the Bible study if you just explain the point to them, but you will teach them more if you give them time to figure it out.
3. Find ways for them to articulate their faith. Too many teenagers graduate from high school (and occasionally even college) still living on the faith of their parents. Ask them to examine why they trust God, what experiences and what evidence leads them to put confidence in God and in His Word. Help them to wrestle through the implications of their faith on their lives.

In many large churches, teenagers sit in a big room while someone six rows away teaches them the Bible through a loud speaker. Teenagers may engage in the Bible study and enjoy the setting. They may take good truths home with them. In the small church, you have the unique opportunity to do more than tell your students what to believe. You can challenge them to think through the lesson and tell you what is true based on their understanding of Scripture. Help them flex their intellectual muscle as you teach and you will make a tremendous difference.

What do you want to be when you grow up? It’s a question adults often ask children. My nephew consistently says he wants to be a Power Ranger. So, my brother is putting money away for Power Ranger School. Not sure what that costs. Increasingly, the same question is being asked of college students . . . and 20-somethings . . . and 40 somethings. A lot of us seem to wander through our lives with no sense of what we want to be. Robert J. Havighurst said that one of the developmental tasks of adolescence is selecting and preparing for an occupation. How do we help teenagers do that?

Our culture has changed and very few of us will hold one job all of our lives. Some teenagers are choosing not to go to college because they believe any vocation they prepared for would just be a stop in life for a few years before they went on to the next vocation. Many companies hire people for jobs that never existed before and then train them to do the job once they start. Choosing an occupation may be a more difficult task for your students than simply deciding they want to be doctors or firemen or preachers.

When I was graduating from high school, my pastor told me something I’ve come to believe was very wise. “Paul, God’s call is dynamic,” he said. “God may lead you on many paths. Your calling is not to a job, but to obedience to Christ.” I have found that to be true. After spending 8 years preparing for ministry in college and seminary, I was a local church youth minister for 10 years. I have served as a consultant in youth discipleship, a youth camp coordinator, an editor of youth ministry resources, and now teach youth ministry and educational leadership at a seminary. I could never have anticipated the path my life would take, but I believe God has led me to each shift in my vocation.

We don’t help teenagers develop their occupational focus by focusing on occupations. As odd as it sounds, I am not that concerned about whether a teenager wants to be a nurse, a foreign correspondent, or an entrepreneur. My concern is that they are passionately pursuing what they believe God has called them to do and be. How do we help youth choose and prepare for an occupation?

1. Help them to see that their highest calling is following God.

2. Join them in praying for what direction God is calling them to follow.

3. Lead them to identify their God-given gifts and talents. Help them explore what they are truly passionate about.

4. Encourage them to focus on the legacy they will leave with their lives, not the stuff they will accumulate.

5. Talk to them about choices they make now that will lead them toward the occupation (or many occupations) that seem to be God’s current direction for them. Encourage them to explore colleges that will equip them for the future, work experience that will help them to learn needed skills, and networks that will help them to find the right kind of positions.

6. Affirm the gifts you see in them. Often teenagers are hesitant to pursue big dreams for fear of failure. Help them to trust God to lead them into amazing ventures.

Youth ministry is all about helping teenagers to develop a passionate, life-long relationship with Christ. Being willing to walk with them through some of the developmental tasks can be great ways to guide them toward that goal.

Wherever you look in the media . . . television, movies, the Internet . . . you will find adults who are acting out the current stereotypes of adolescence: the mook and the midriff. Teenage guys love watching shows that feature the mook. He is immature, gross, and wiling to try almost anything. He lacks any moral center and laughs at any criticism. Is that really the way teenage guys act? Like most stereotypes, it is over-done and hardly captures the real heart of the people it lumps together.

Teenage girls are not usually interested in the mook, but they have their own stereotypical star . . . the midriff. She is very aware of her own sexuality at ever earlier ages and uses it to attract attention and get what she wants. Midriffs don’t need to be smart or athletic or capable . . . just pretty.

According to Robert Havighurst, one of the tasks of adolescent development is to learn how to develop appropriate relationships with both sexes. The images our culture provides for students of what relationships are supposed to look like are shocking in their lack of honesty . . . and fall far from the human relationships found in the Bible.

Guys need healthy relationships with guys. If you pay attention to television, most relationships between guys involve guzzling beer together, oogling girls, and playing practical jokes on one another. Okay, maybe an occasional practical joke isn’t too bad, but this is hardly the way the Bible describes the relationships among young men. The Bible calls men to “sharpen” each other, to push each other to be stronger in faith and truer in character (Proverbs 27:17).

Girls need healthy relationships with girls. Too often girls see their relationships with other girls as competition for the attention of a young man. A girl in my youth group once threatened a visiting girl never to come back because the rival attracted too much attention for herself. Girls need to understand their great value in God’s eyes and find support and encouragement from other girls rather than seeing competition.

Guys need healthy relationships with girls. While this certainly means that relationships need to be pure in the sexual sense, I think a healthy guy/girl relationship goes beyond that. Guys need to learn to understand life from a girl’s perspective and girls need to see things through a guy’s eyes. Relationships should develop into a warm brother/sister relationship in which the guy feels protective of his sisters and the girl wants the very best for her brothers.

So, how do we foster this kind of relational maturity among our youth groups? Small youth groups are great places for teenagers to really learn to talk, to care for each other, and to sharpen each other. Discuss what a healthy guy/guy, guy/girl, and girl/girl relationship looks like. Help teenagers to see that it is okay if girls tend to relate to each other face to face while guys tend to relate side to side. Lead students to make your youth ministry a place where people feel safe and protected and where they can practice building solid relationships with both sexes. Pray that God will break down pretenses and help your students to interact with grace and honesty.

The age of marriage has risen sharply in recent years. The idea that teenagers should be preparing for marriage may sound archaic. Robert Havighurst included preparation for marriage as one of his developmental tasks for adolescents. So, should we be helping teenagers to prepare for marriage or is that an old-fashioned idea? And if we should be helping them, how should we go about it?

Assisting students with their developmental issues is really not our primary calling in youth ministry. We are called to make disciples. However, discipleship involves a total life commitment. Helping teenagers walk with Christ means paying attention to all of those things they are going through.

Still, is Havighurst out of date, or do teenagers really need to prepare for marriage? Our culture seems to view dating and sexual relationships as recreation. Some teenagers “hook up” with multiple partners for heavy make-out sessions and sexual encounters, but they don’t see this as related to their future marriage partners at all. That is a gross perversion of everything God says about male/female relationships.

The Bible never really talks about dating. (It was more typical during biblical history for marriages to be arranged than for individuals to find their own partners.) However, in American culture dating is the way young people learn about opposite-sex relationships, discern what qualities in a partner fit them well, and ultimately find their life partner. Teenagers are learning to relate to the opposite sex. The problem is they often get bad instruction on what makes a healthy relationship. The flirtation with members of the opposite sex IS preparation for their future marriage . . . even if it is preparation for a bad marriage.

How do you help your teenagers prepare for their marriage? A marriage that may be many years away?

First, teach them what the Bible says about romance, marriage, and sex. Help them to understand that they are building their character in the way they treat members of the opposite sex now.

Second, guide them to begin to think about how they can be architects of godly families. Talk to them about potholes many people fall into that cause their marriages and their families to fall short of honoring God.

Third and most importantly, give them godly examples. If you are married, work to make your marriage strong. Help them to see that, though good marriage is work, marriage can be a partnership in service to God. And whether you are married or not, find other people in your church who can model what godly marriage can and should be for your students. Help them to have opportunities to interact with and hear from people who are working at creating a godly home.

Adolescents are developing into the people they will be as adults. It can be a frustrating passage for adolescents . . . and for adults who work closely with them. In a large church, emotional outbursts may not disrupt the entire group, but the raw feelings that are so much a part of adolescents can really derail a study or event in a small youth group. Have you ever had anything like this happen?

You are sitting in church devotionals at the end of camp with your band of students. The students are sharing ways they experienced God during the day. Suddenly one of the younger girls bursts into tears and runs out of the room. Everyone sits in stunned silence. Later you get a chance to talk to her one-on-one. Her eyes water again as she begins to tell you how she really likes an older boy in the youth group. Right before devotions, she claims he looked at her like he wished she was dead. “I just couldn’t take it,” she explains. You talk to the young man. He has no idea what you are talking about, but he doesn’t want the girl to think he doesn’t care about her so he goes to apologize.

Emotions in teenagers are driven by hormones. The rapid changes in their bodies often lead them to respond with extreme feelings. Teenagers are seldom just happy . . . they are DELIRIOUSLY OVERJOYED. Teenagers can fly into a rage with a minor annoyance. And a wrong look can send them into depression.

In describing the developmental tasks of adolescence, Robert Havighurst suggests that, during their teenage years, teenagers should achieve emotional independence. The goal is not for teenagers to lose the need for any emotional support. None of us ever really achieve that, nor should we. Rather the goal is for teenagers to learn how to manage their emotions so that their emotions don’t control their lives.

So, how do you help the youth you work with to move toward emotional independence?

First, realize that “emotional roller coasters” are a part of growing up. Don’t over-react when a teenager responds to you angrily or with tears. Accept them as they are now.

Second, give teenagers permission to feel. Tell them that, when it seems like someone is snubbing you, it makes sense to feel hurt. When someone does something mean to you, you should feel anger.

Third, teach them the importance of “self-talk.” It is often not the situation but rather what we tell ourselves about the situation that leads to strong negative emotion. Don’t tell yourself: He looked at me in a nasty way; he must hate me. Instead, tell yourself: He seemed to look at me in a nasty way, but we are friends so he probably didn’t mean anything by it. I think I’ll ask him later if there is a problem.

Finally, encourage teenagers to carry their frustrations, hurts, and anxieties to God. He loves them and cares deeply about what they feel.

The thing that makes youth ministry different than other ministries in the church is . . . well, that we work with youth. Challenges exist in ministry with kindergarteners, ministry with college students, or ministry with senior adults, but teenagers face some unique challenges. Contextualizing biblical ministry into the lives of teenagers means addressing those issues that make adolescents unique. Robert Havighurst suggested a series of developmental tasks that adolescents need to accomplish if they are to be productive adults. While Havighurst was not particularly interested in the spiritual maturity of teenagers, His developmental tasks definitely are issues we need to think about as we disciple teenagers.

One of the tasks Havighurst said adolescents must accomplish is to accept their physique.

People come in lots of shapes and sizes. Some of us are tall, some are short. Some of us have big noses, some of us funny little turned-up noses. Some of us have big feet. Some of us even have an extra toe. I know, that’s over-kill. You all know that we don’t look alike. The problem for teenagers is that they are just getting good at introspection and most of them are starting to think about how they compare to others for the first time in their lives. Add to that the fact that some teenagers grow a lot faster or a lot slower than their peers, and you have the makings for a teenage crisis.

Teenagers have to learn to be comfortable in their own skin. A teenager may not be excited about being short, but height seldom determines how productive and effective a person is in life . . . unless he or she happens to be a professional basketball player. The shape of a person’s nose may not be to their liking, but most of us discover that people love us regardless of how well our noses fit our faces. In fact, we are likely to discover that some people like a “Roman nose.”

How do we help teenagers with this developmental task? First, be accepting of teenagers. Whether a teenager is a candidate for the next teen model or has trouble finding a spot on their face that doesn’t have a pimple, show her by your words and actions that she is very valuable to you . . . and to the Father. Second, teach students that the Bible claims they are greatly loved by God and are created to be useful to him. Third, encourage teenagers to focus on things they like about themselves instead of focusing on what they dislike.

When Samuel went to Jesse’s house to anoint the next king of Israel, he was draw to the tall and well-built sons. He was sure that one of those would be the man of God’s choosing. It was strange that God chose the little brother who no one even bothered to call into the house. God’s instruction to Samuel is good for us to hear as well: “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7).

Is money tight for you this Christmas? It is for me. I have several friends who are feeling the crunch of the loss of a job. They are either unemployed or under-employed. It is frustrating for those of us who like to buy and give gifts to be unable to do that. We know that gits are not what Christmas is about . . . but being able to give gifts is . . . well, fun. Maybe you would like to do something special for your youth group, but you just don’t have the ability. Maybe it is harder this year for your teenagers to buy gifts for an Angel Tree child or contribute to a food box for a needy family. Maybe the tightening of the belt that many of us are having to do at Christmas this year is a blessing. In a culture where kids are looking for a new iPod Touch under the tree instead of a dolly, maybe we need to revisit ways to celebrate Christmas that are a little less commercial.

As you teach your youth group this Christmas, emphasize gratitude and contentment. I know, some of your kids will get the new iPod Touch for Christmas. Extravagance may not be a great way to celebrate Christmas, but our Bible study on simplicity may not penetrate heir adolescent brains. However, ask them what a person really needs to be healthy and happy. Help them to think through whether new gadgets and toys really make a person happy. Encourage them to be grateful to God for the things he has given them and content with what they have. Of course, it is a great time to mention people that lack those things a person really needs.

Encourage youth to give . . . to parents, family, and friends. But encourage them to find ways to give that don’t cost money. Often gifts that are given from the work of your hands or the sweat of your brow mean more than gifts that are given from your wallet (or your parent’s wallet). Encourage students to think of things they are good at and give those things away. One student might bake sugar cookies, while another prints and frames a picture of the family he has taken. A third student might offer his brother help with his homework for Christmas. Maybe it would be a good thing for us to practice this as well by thinking of some gift we can give our students that would be a gift of love from our hands, not our money.

Ultimately, Christmas is not about gifts. it’s not really about family meals or love between each other. Ultimately, Christmas is about the love of a Savior, lavished on us when we were lost in our sins. Ask your students how they can share THAT gift . . . a gift that is not their own, but comes from Jesus.

The holiday season is a time of incredible joy. Between special events at church, families spending more time together, and the general sense of celebration in communities, Christmas takes on a very special place in the hearts of youth and adults. But Christmas may not be a great time for everyone. Christmas can be a time of serious depression. Some reports indicate that suicides increase during the holidays. And substance abuse may increase as well. Why?

Christmas can be a time of difficulty for a lot of youth. Some teenagers may associate Christmas with the loss of a grandparent, a parent, or someone else who is close to him or her. Christmas may be a reminder of the absence of someone they held dear. Because some teenagers lack the cognitive skills to process their loss, emotions may be overwhelming.

Some teenagers lack close ties with their family. They may desire to feel surrounded by the love of family, but find themselves in a home where they are abused—or worse yet, ignored. Single parent families can be lonely places for some teens during the holidays because the single mom or dad works extra hours to try to provide a special meal and presents for children. If the family has gone through a divorce in recent years, Christmas may accentuate the sense of loss the teenager feels at the fracturing of his or her family.

If you know that teenagers in your group have lost someone recently, or have lost someone around the holiday times, ask them how they are coping with the loss. Don’t try to force them to talk about things they don’t want to, but invite them to talk about their feelings of frustration, loss, and pain. If you know one of your students has a challenging family situation, spend a little extra time with him or her during the holidays. Talk about how to build new Christmas memories and new traditions each year.

Pay attention to the moods of the teenagers in your group. Yes, teenagers are usually moody. But if a teenager who is usually happy seems to grow sullen, or if a teenager who is often quiet suddenly stops showing up, find some ways to offer him or her support.

As your group celebrates Christmas with progressive dinners, gift exchanges, angel tree gifts, or food baskets for needy families, keep in mind that for some of your students, Christmas is a time when they need special love and attention.

When I talk to professional youth ministers about SmallYouthGroup.com, a lot of them give me strange looks. Why would you develop a website that “celebrates” a youth ministry being small? Shouldn’t we be trying to build “big” youth groups? It is exciting to minister to large groups of teenagers. And, of course, more young people growing in their faith is better than a few young people growing in their faith. However, there are some good reasons to invest in youth ministry in a small church.

Jesus definitely taught big groups of people. In the Gospels you read about the big tent revivals Jesus did by the Sea of Galilee . . . and Jesus didn’t even have a tent. Jesus had a number of disciples who believed in him and followed him. He sent them out on mission in Luke 9. And we are surprised by Jesus’ “secret” disciples who begged his body from Pilate for burial after his crucifixion. However, Jesus invested most of his time with twelve men . . . some of them may have been teenagers. Why do you think he did that?

I don’t think we can ever wholly understand Jesus’ intentions. He is God. However, I believe part of the reason for Jesus’ investment in the Twelve was that he was able to pour his life into their lives. He was able to guide them in intimate settings to see the God he knew and could model for them how to serve that God. Small youth groups provide that kind of opportunity.

Actually, I am convinced that no youth leader, regardless of how good he or she is, can be effective at discipling a youth group of many more than twelve. Youth leaders in large groups who are actually effective have to have many leaders who are pouring their lives into smaller groups of youth. Many large youth groups are experimenting with youth ministry in ways that are automatic in small youth groups:

• Involving parents in the ministry.
• Creating small groups that contain older and younger youth so that older youth can encourage their younger peers.
• Allowing a leader to continue to work with the same group of youth for a number of years instead of having them simply promote to the next teacher at the end of the school year.

Youth ministry should follow the lead of Jesus and Jesus invested his life in a small group of disciples.

So, am I suggesting that youth groups are better off staying small? Not at all. I am suggesting that we are obedient to God in the place he has put us. That includes raising the youth in our care to grow in their relationship with God. It includes making Christ known to the youth we have opportunity to influence. It includes helping our youth ministries to be places that are on mission. Then, we trust God to bring growth.