Archive for February, 2012

By Paul Kelly

Erik Erikson suggested that the primary task of adolescences was the development of identity. That seems likely. Most students are beginning to reflect on who they are, what they are like, what their focus on life will be. For a long time, many of us in youth ministry have insisted that one of the key issues for youth ministry is to help teenagers to build their sense of identity on what God says about them–to help students develop their identity in Christ. When students come to Christ, how they see themselves should change. They should begin to identify themselves as a child of God . . . and that should be the focus of their identity formation, right?

In the last few decades, a new focus on self-esteem has dominated the teaching of children–from their parents, their schools, television shows they watch, movies, music. Children have been bombarded with a barage of statements about how they see themselves. “You are a unique and special person,” we tell children. “Your ideas are important; your choices help to define who you are.” And a generation has grown up believing that their sense of self is the most important thing about them. It seems possible that what we as a society have fostered is not merely a sense of positive self-esteem, but a narcissism that places self at the center of the universe and disregards anything that does not affirm the individual.

So, do we in the church help teenagers to develop a more Christ-centered view of themselves? I’m not sure. We have a tendency to work as hard as our culture does at giving students an over-blown sense of their “self.” We tell students that, because they were created by God they are incredibly valuable. We emphasize their uniqueness and their giftedness.

While I don’t want to argue with the significance of being created by God in His image, I wonder if we are giving them a true biblical picture of humanity. The Apostle Paul wrote, “No one is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one. Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive…” (Rom. 3:10-13, ESV). None of that sounds like, “You are wonderful because you are created by God!” In fact, Paul indicates there is nothing good about us. We have no reason to boast in ourselves. It is not that we were so wonderful that Jesus came to die for us. It is because we are so corrupt.

So, do we help students develop their sense of identity by telling them how horrible they are? Not at all. That is NOT how you help students to build their identity on Christ. We don’t build our sense of identity by focusing on who we are at all! We build our sense of identity by focusing on who Christ is. We are not significant because of our innate value. We are significant because we belong to Christ. We are significant because HE is at work in us, developing HIS character in us, and is using us to accomplish HIS purposes.

If we are really interested in helping students develop an identity in Christ, we need to understand that we are attempting a counter-cultural task. Our culture teaches kids, “You can’t let anyone else decide for you when sex is right. You have to decide what’s right for you.” God teaches that sexuality practiced outside of a covenant marriage is sin and degrades people. He calls students to obedience, not a personal preference. Our culture teaches adults who are considering divorce, “You cannot be happy with someone else if you’re not happy with yourself.” God says that marriage is sacred and should be honored regardless of how I feel. Culture teaches us to stand up for ourselves. God says to humble ourselves and do more than is expected.

A positive focus on a Christ-centered identity does not begin with a focus on self. It begins with a focus on Christ. Help your students to see that He is what is valuable above all things. Being a follower of Christ means sacrifice of self, not  the indulgence of it.

By Paul Kelly

One of the stark comparisons Thom and Jess Rainer (father and son writers of The Millennials) made between the younger millennials and the older baby boomers is that the boomers are committed to the acquisition of stuff while millennials have much less interested in bigger houses, fancier cars, and nicer clothes. That may be. Christian Smith has a strikingly different perspective. Smith’s recent book, Lost in Transition, paints a darker view of the world of millennials. Both book have been developed after research projects focused on young adults, the older millennials. Of course, the subjects of these books are not the teenagers we work with. They are the teenagers some of us were working with 4 or 5 years ago. And I think their lives have much to teach us about how we want to influence their younger peers.

Regardless of the distinction of WHAT millennials want to acquire, they are well-integrated into the American mindset of getting stuff. Buying new products is not merely a favored pass-time in America, it is down right unpatriotic to NOT buy stuff. Our economic wheels are greased by people purchasing things they don’t really need with money they don’t really have. Apple has built an empire by selling us the notion that we need the newest technology. I’m not saying that having an iPad wouldn’t be cool. I’m saying that it is a bit of a stretch for most of us to see it as a need. Going to the mall is recreation for many.

I don’t mean to point fingers at other people. I live in a house stuffed with so much that I have been thinking of buying a bigger house. I’m moving to digital books (I’ve already moved to digital music) because I have no more room for book shelves. And, while I love having a smart phone, I find myself playing games on it more than using it for things that would be … um, smart. And how many shirts does one guy need, after all?

So, what’s the problem with our students growing up with this consumer mindset? Why not just go with the flow? If they make money, they should be able to spend it on things they want, right?

I think there are some spiritual issues, and, however counter-cultural it is, I don’t think we are doing our job if we don’t address those issues. Let’s consider the two most obvious ones.

First, millennials are not growing up with a biblical understanding of stewardship. We are not helping them to understand that they are not given wealth simply to consume it on themselves. Most millennials have no sense of responsibility to help anyone else. They see themselves as not having the resources to help others even if they wanted to … and they can show you their low bank balance in seconds from their new iPhone. While I don’t want to miss that one of the ways God blesses people is materially, I also don’t want to miss the strong warnings of Jesus about those who are wealthy, particularly when they consume the wealth on themselves (Luke 16:19-31).

Second, millennials are tending to define themselves by the products they buy. They have witnessed a steady stream of commercials since they were old enough to hold up their heads that have told them that their lives would be warm, happy, and … um, sexy if they would only buy … you fill in the blank: everything from shampoo to sports cars. They tend to see their stuff as extensions of who they are, ways that they define themselves. Not a problem … except that Jesus expects for our identity to be defined by HIM.

So, what do we do? How do we address this cultural trend toward consumerism that is like the air our students breath?

1. We point out the push toward consumerism. Watch commercials with students and ask them to talk about the claims made by them. When they talk about needing a new phone, or new shoes, or a new car, ask, Why? Ask students what they think drives us to always want more stuff.
2. Make the case for stewardship. I don’t mean just to get them to give a tenth to the church. I mean, ask them to think about why God has blessed them with so much…and what they think is required of them since He did.
3. Give students real experiences to invest in people from poor cultures. It is amazing how much students are willing to give away when they see the need in front of them.
4. Teach students to practice contentment. Every ad they see is designed to get them to be discontent, to want something. Teach them to say, “You know, I have everything I need. There is nothing I need and nothing I really want.” OK, maybe that’s a stretch, but we should at least help students to question their own constant desire for more.

By Paul G. Kelly

Drinking alcohol for the purpose of getting intoxicated has become a significant part of the experience of youth adults. At least, that is the conclusion of Christian Smith based on a significant research project looking at the lives of 18- to 24-year-olds in America. I know, big news, right? We all know that large numbers of college students drink to excess. The thing that caught me in Smith’s findings in Lost in Transition is that he suggests that young adults believe they are just living out the life script our culture has given them. They claim going to parties and getting drunk is fun, but when pressed about what is fun about it, most of them admit it is really kind of boring. The only thing that seems to make the parties fun is that they are getting drunk. And that seems to lead to more frustrations and heart-aches that fond memories. So, why do they drink? They have been told that they are young and should be enjoying themselves. Everything they see seems to suggest that the appropriate way for a 20-year-old American to behave is to go to parties and get drunk as they are wandering through the college curriculum or enduring the military training.

I know, you are thinking I’ve lost my way. This is not supposed to be a blog about young adults, but about teenagers. Reading this book about young adults has just got me thinking: These are the adults that we are producing in youth ministry? I mean, I’d like to believe that those who are attending our youth groups are the exception. I’d like to think that they are the anomalies that are making great life decisions and, if they try alcohol at all, it’s only to taste wine at communion. The problem is, the research doesn’t seem to confirm that. And more, reconnecting with lots of former youth group members on Facebook has left me a little shell-shocked at how little influence the church seems to have had on many young adults.

At church on Sunday, I was talking to one of our 16-year-old guys. He’s a believer who is growing in his faith. The chairman of our deacons, a good godly man, walked up and asked him, “How is school going?” The young man replied that it was going okay. Then, the well-meaning deacon asked, “So, are you having fun?” The young man said, “Sure.” The deacon smiled at him and said, “Good, because that’s what it’s all about, right?” Is it? I don’t want to discourage kids from having fun, but is that what it’s all about? If so, it seems to me Jesus should retract a lot of what He said in the Gospels. Is it possible that even well-meaning, spiritually-oriented leaders have unintentionally perpetuated the cultural script that being a young person is about nothing but having fun? Is it possible that when teenagers go to parties and drink to excess, they are only trying to fulfill what we have told them is our expectations for their lives?

I may not be able to change the culture for the next crop of young adults, but I certainly can use the bit of influence I have with the dozen or so students at our little church to teach them that life is about more than fun. Sure, life is full of laughter and fun experiences, but those are not the things that life is about. Life is about a commitment to Christ that sometimes is fun, sometimes is difficult, sometimes brings laughter, and sometimes brings tears, but is ALWAYS worth it. Life is about sharing relationships with those God has put in my world. Life is about the adventure of God’s mission, using the gifts He has given me to be a little part of what God is up to in the world.

Talk about the problems of intoxication. But more than that, give kids a bigger life script than to do whatever it takes to have fun.