Archive for July, 2010

Sometimes people look at me funny when I talk about the SmallYouthGroup.com ministry. I suppose talking about the value of small youth groups may at times make it sound like the goal is to stay small. Yes and no. First, our calling is to make disciples (Matt. 28:18-20). That certainly implies that the kingdom of God would grow. It normally implies that the local church would grow as well. (Obviously if you are making disciples in Peru it would not mean direct growth for your church in Iowa.) On the other hand, big churches have discovered that the larger your church grows, the smaller it must become. In order for a big church to actually care for and equip believers, it must develop an organization in which everyone finds a small group they can belong to. A lot of people have advanced ideas about church growth. Some of them don’t really fit a small youth group. I believe that the most significant principles for growth in a small youth group may be counter-intuitive–they don’t seem like the normal approach to growth. Because of that, a lot of youth leaders are frustrated when they don’t see their youth groups grow. Here are my thoughts. Would appreciate you adding your own thoughts below.

1. Pray. I know, it is the Sunday School answer, but I am serious. When we seek God for students to disciple and leaders to disciple them, we demonstrate that we understand that the work belongs to him. God is the growth strategist you need for your church. He is the one that will guide you and will make your work fruitful.
2. Focus on making disciples rather than growing the group. Activities that attract teenagers are good, but attracting teenagers is not the purpose of our ministry. The purpose is to make disciples. Growing teenagers who are able to share their faith with others and can become disciplers themselves will take a lot deeper investment than having a pizza party after the football game.
3. Remember that discipleship is relational and not just educational. Yes, you need to teach teenagers, but you also need to model what real faith looks like in real life situations.
4. Do fun things, but always keep the focus of the ministry on knowing Christ and making him known.
5. Expand your team. You may be thinking, “Okay, we have five kids. Why should I expand my team?” If you are the only youth leader, you may only be able to reach teenagers who “get” you. Teenagers who think differently than you do, those who come from different backgrounds, and those who have different interests will be harder for you to disciple. The more team members you engage, the more teenagers you will have the potential of reaching. Don’t wait until you get more teenagers to ask individuals to join your work. Getting additional leaders on board will help you reach more students.

Trust that God will add to your group in his time. Care for students as God allows you to reach them and challenge them to develop a relationship with Jesus and join him on his mission. Don’t stress about students you invest in who end up in another church. The work is kingdom work. Be patient and trust God.

For Jesus, discipleship was relational. When he called his disciples to “follow me” (Matt. 4:19), Jesus was inviting them into a relationship with him. It was not a casual relationship but an intentional relationship. He was inviting them to spend time with him, learn from him, watch what he did, listen to what he said, and prepare for the ministry God had for them. Discipleship with the teenagers in your church should take on a lot of the same characteristics. Students need more than an hour a week sitting in your Bible study class. They need a relationship with an adult in whose life they can see the Gospel fleshed out.

Building relationships with teenagers can be a challenge. The truth is, it can be a challenge to build a relationship with anyone. I suppose that is why our country has such a high divorce rate. Investing your life in someone else takes time, and that usually means sacrificing things you would prefer to do. Giving teenagers your time can be tough.

Building relationships with teenagers can also be a challenge because teenagers may not seem to be interested. Most teenagers are hungry for an adult who will care about them, but they may not trust adults. How do you build relationships with teenagers? Here are nine things I think are important.

1. Building a relationship with a teenager normally takes time. Don’t try to rush it. Be a consistent presence in their lives.

2. Showing up at things like football games, band concerts, and school plays indicates genuine concern. Students may not say much, but they will notice.

3. Ask students about their interests. You will often get a grunt, a shrug, or a non-committal “fine” when you ask how cheer-leading is going, but students do like the fact that you ask.

4. Let them see that you are human. Don’t tell teenagers about everything you struggle with; they probably aren’t ready for that. But do let them see that you have questions, you fail, you are unsure at times. Also, let them see that you genuinely desire to see God at work in your life.

5. Talk about your faith and about Christ. Most non-Christian teenagers appreciate you talking about what Christ means to you even if they haven’t made a commitment of Christ for themselves. Plus, that is where the intentional part of intentional relationships really begins.

6. Invite them into spiritual conversations. Ask them to pray for you. Ask them where they see themselves spiritually. Ask them what struggles they have walking with God.

7. Spend at least as much time listening as you do talking.

8. Challenge them to be people who stand for Christ. Share with them ways you think God could use them . . . right now and in the future.

9. As your relationship with a student grows, be willing to lovingly confront them when they are unkind or unchristian. Use the sandwich technique: tell them something you appreciate about them, the thing you are concerned about, and then why you value them enough to tell them about your concern.

Most of us would not be where we are spiritually except for the investment of some Christian mentor. In your youth Most of us would not be where we are spiritually except for the investment of some Christian mentor. In your youth ministry, you have the opportunity to be that for someone else.