Archive for June, 2010

When you accept a position in youth ministry in a small church, most of the time you take on the whole load by yourself. Until you can enlist help, it is all on your shoulders. However, at times you may find yourself blessed with a team of youth leaders that you wish were someone else’s blessing. The truth is, not everyone should be a youth leader. How do you handle a dysfunctional youth ministry team?

First, evaluate. What is the problem really? Is it a personality conflict you have with another leader? Or is it a problem of philosophy–he just sees youth ministry differently than you? Or is there a character flaw? Explore the problem. Find someone who will talk with you honestly about the problem, someone who will be objective.

Second, pray. I know there are those who would disagree with me, but I would be hesitant to ask someone to step down from youth ministry because I didn’t like him. In fact, someone who rubs me the wrong way may be perfect at reaching teenagers that are not likely to respond to me. I need God’s perspective on my relationship. I need to be willing to make adjustments and work at a relationship if God wants to use both of us in the same ministry. On the other hand, if I need to confront a serious problem or character flaw, I badly need God’s wisdom and grace.

Third, talk honestly. Set aside time to talk about what you see. Ask the leader if he sees things in the same way. Listen to what he says.

Fourth, involve appropriate church leadership. Never let the pastor be surprised to find out you have asked another youth leader to step down. Talk to him about the problem and what you want to do to address it.

Finally, act. Don’t let a problem go on unaddressed. If a person is creating problems in youth ministry, kindly ask him to step down. It is not a fun conversation, but the teenagers in your church are too important to have someone who is not appropriate for teenagers as a leader.

Most of us get involved in youth ministry because we love teenagers. Perhaps God gives us that love when he calls us to work with teenagers, or maybe we are just the crazy people in the church. Teaching teenagers, spending time with them, and sharing with them comes easy to many of us. Unfortunately, our desire to work with teenagers sometimes keeps us from building a team of leaders. Lone Ranger youth ministry works for a while, but we truly limit what we can offer to teenagers to our own gifts. So, when you get tired of being the Lone Ranger and are ready to take off the mask and at least find a Tonto, how do you do it?

1. Pray. I know, that is the good Christian answer, but I’m serious. God is in the business of calling people to specific ministry and he has the advantage of already knowing whose hearts he has been preparing to work with teenagers. Ask him to show you who he is calling into the ministry.

2. Ask. I like questions like this: You know, you have some amazing gifts that I think would make a tremendous difference in the lives of our teenagers. I wonder if you would consider talking with me about getting involved in our youth ministry. Remember that people will be much more open to working with you in ministry if you can be specific about what you would like them to do. I want leaders on my team, not just people who will do what I ask. If you want to excite a leader, ask her to lead a ministry, not just hang out.

3. Train. In a small youth group, you may not feel like you are sure what you are doing, so training someone else may be daunting. Ask the new leader(s) to attend a conference with you. Ask a veteran youth leader to meet with you and your leaders to train you in a specific area of youth ministry. Read a youth ministry book together and take time on a weekly basis to talk about what you are learning.

4. Bond. There is nothing worse than teenagers being taught by adults who don’t like each other. Work at building solid relationships with others on your team. Develop trust. Have fun together. Dream together, Eat together. Pray together.

There is nothing better for your youth ministry than a team of adults who love them and are using their spiritual gifts to invest in teenagers. Start praying and take a look around. Who is God calling to work with you?

You agreed to work as a youth leader in a small church. Maybe you accepted a small salary for doing the job or maybe you are volunteering your time and energy. Whatever the case, the youth ministry is now your responsibility. If you are like most youth leaders in small churches, you probably assume that this job means that you teach youth, counsel with youth, play with youth, and serve with youth. Whatever the youth group is doing, that is your responsibility. Right? I’m not so sure.

Yes, youth ministry should include building relationships with teenagers, teaching them, serving with them, and having fun with them. But, the calling of a youth minister is to lead youth ministry. Imagine you were called to lead the construction of a sky scraper. Since the sky scraper was your responsibility, you determined to place every brick, pour every ounce of concrete, run every wire yourself. I’m not an engineer, but I think that would be a dangerous sky scraper. No one can do everything that needs to  be done to build a sky scraper on his or her own. And I am convinced that no person alone can build a solid youth ministry.

Youth ministry takes teamwork. It takes people who look at things in different ways have different gifts and different passions. Of course, when you get a lot of people involved, you may end up with a lot of different ideas and someone has to coordinate, reign in some and motivate others. THAT is the work of leadership. And, at the end of the day, that is the most important work a youth minister does. Volunteer, part-time, or full time, your most important job is not what you do with teenagers. It is what you do with others who will work with teenagers. By building your team, blending their gifts, and creating a ministry that they are invested in, you expand what you can do as a youth leader. You expand the ways you can reach teenagers and how many of them you can reach.

Yes, it is easier to be a lone ranger when you are in a small church. But don’t use that as an excuse. Build a team.

Maybe it is the student who threatens suicide on the youth trip. Maybe it is the teenager who tells you he thinks he may be gay. Maybe it is the girl in your group that just quits eating and begins to waste away. But at some point in your ministry, you will encounter a situation that, if you are honest with yourself, you know that you cannot handle. How do you get help for a teenager that needs help you cannot give him or her? A Marriage and Family Counselor from San Francisco, Maggie Arbino, spoke to my youth ministry class this week. She shared some ideas that I think are fantastic and I wanted to share them with you.

The best time to build a list of people you can refer kids and their parents to is BEFORE you encounter the crisis. I know, you never expect to hit the really big problems with your group. After all, you know them. You know their families. However, some teenagers will experience crises and your students are not immune. Yes, Jesus will be there for them. Your prayers will make a difference. But sometimes kids need a professional counselor to work through the tragedies they face in their lives. Start now building your referral list. When a teenager encounters a crisis, you will be ready to connect her family with professional help.

Who do you need on your referral list? Locate a psychiatrist, an M.D. with expertise in psychiatric problems. Locate family counselors and professional counselors who have expertise with adolescents. Include someone who is a clinical social worker. Also, get to know school counselors as well as other emergency medical personnel in your area. If your town has a crisis pregnancy center, get to know the people who run that as well.

How do you find the right people? Ask medical personnel in your church to suggest individuals. Before you add people to your referral list, contact them. Ask them about their credentials, the kind of patients they usually work with, how they support the faith of the people you would refer to them, what their fee scale is like, whether they accept insurance, and whether they are accepting new patients.

When do you refer? When you realize you are dealing with something that is beyond your training, you should consider connecting the family of the teenager with an appropriate person. Talk with the family and the teenager about why you think he would benefit from professional counseling help. Contact professionals ahead of time and make sure they are willing to accept new clients. Try to give the family two or three names and let them select the person they think can best help them. Keep in mind that referring a teenager to a professional does not mean you back out of her life. Stay connected and keep investing in her life.

In Luke 9, Jesus’ Disciples came to him and asked him to send the crowds into the local towns to find a McDonalds. I suppose the Disciples were showing some concern for the people, but I wonder if the stomachs they were most concerned about weren’t their own. Of course, Jesus had another plan in mind. He told the Disciples to feed the crowd themselves. And the story goes on to show an amazing picture of Jesus as God; just as God provided manna in the wilderness, so Jesus, God in flesh, provided bread for the crowds. But the tendency of the disciples to send the crowds away may be similar to a problem faced by many small youth groups.

Small youth groups can become very inwardly focused. When you ask your students talk about what they would like to do as a group, do the activities begin to sound pretty self-serving? Does Bible study ever feel more about your group feeling good about itself rather than driving your group members to become missional servants of God? It is not unusual for a youth group to become inwardly focused, and it is important that students develop close relationships with each other. But, Jesus’ plans for his disciples seemed to be that they reach out to those lost and without a shepherd all around them, and I think that is the same plan he has for your youth group.

Help your students to see your youth group as on mission with God. Most teenagers get involved in youth groups because of their friends. They come to Bible studies and activities to be with their friends. However, students need to grow to see their youth ministry as something more than a group of friends. God’s mission in the world is to reclaim those who are lost. He uses many ways to accomplish that purpose, but his desire is to forgive and redeem the lost in your community and around the world. How can your students begin to see their part in God’s plan? How can you paint that picture for them?

Guide your students to understand what it means to be lost. We never want to talk about the futility of life without Christ. It feels better to say things like: Everyone just has to find his or her own way. But the truth is, without Christ, people are missing the deep relationship with God that fulfills their very purpose of life and they are in danger of spending eternity separated from God. Lostness is not a lifestyle choice; it is a blindness that is caused by our own sin clouding our sight of what is right and true and good. The cure is the dazzling revelation of Jesus Christ and his forgiveness. How can you help your students understand what it is really like to be without Christ? How can you help them to care?

Encourage your students to pray for their lost friends. There is nothing that will open their hearts to the things of God like praying for the salvation of their friends. Look for your prayer times at youth group to be more about people who need Jesus and less about the list of ailments of everyone they can remember. Invest in times of prayer in which students are able to lift up their friends (perhaps without mentioning their names), and asking God to lead them to faith.

Lead your students to make your youth group a place where all people feel welcomed, included, and loved. Regardless of how many students you can get to come to your youth group because of your dynamic personality, few will stay for very long if they don’t feel loved and accepted by the group. On the other hand, when your group becomes a place where people feel welcomed, love, and included, it will be hard to keep students away. How can you help your students to embrace new students? How you can help them to build real friendship with new students and not just say the obligatory “hi and welcome”?

I spent last week hanging out with an amazing youth minister in Malmo, Sweden, Joel Sjovall. (Don’t even try to pronounce the last name unless you are Swedish.) Youth ministry in Sweden has its challenges. Teenagers in Sweden are often slow to respond to the gospel. They often lack spiritual background and are hesitant to accept the teachings of Jesus at face value. However, youth leaders in Sweden are deeply committed to Christ and are desperately sharing Christ with a generation they hope will turn back to God.

Joel introduced me to the Swedish word “Fika.” It roughly translates, a small meal. It is more than a snack, and it seems that the purpose is more social than nutritional. The food they eat for fika can be almost anything: a roll with cheese, falafal (a Malmo favorite), fruit with cream. Sharing fika gives people time to talk, laugh, and enjoy time together.

Perhaps by now you are saying: Thanks for the lesson in Swedish culture, but what does that have to do with youth ministry where I live? I’m glad you asked.

The message of Christ is desperately important. There is nothing we do as youth leaders that is more important than helping teenagers to truly know Jesus Christ. However, sometimes in our zeal, we may miss an important component of the message of Christ . . . the “one another” part of it. The Bible calls us to love one another, serve one another, care for one another, correct one another, and teach one another. At times in ministry, we may spend so much time as youth leaders talking that we miss the chance for teenagers to be with one another.

In Joel’s ministry, teenagers usually gather for fika before worship and teaching. Youth leaders sit among teenagers, encouraging them and listening to their hearts. Teenagers have time to tease each other and get to know one another. And sometimes, they do exactly what the Bible calls them to . . . to love, serve, correct, and teach each other. After the worship service on Sunday at Joel’s church, has fika together so members can invite guests to sit and talk.

Maybe teenagers in Oklahoma or Illinois would look at you funny if you told them you were going to start having fika before Bible study. But, I wonder: Do we need to be more intentional about helping teenagers to have times just to be with one another?