Archive for May, 2010

This week I am traveling in Sweden. I have a friend who leads a youth ministry in Malmo, near Copenhagen. Yesterday, while walking around town, I wanted to ask him if he wanted to get something to eat and decided to try it in Swedish. Instead of using the word “something,” I asked if he wanted chocolate to eat. He gave me an odd look and said, You want to get some chocolate? (Fortunately, he speaks fluent English.) While I have made worse errors in my life, it reminded me of the challenge of cross-cultural communication.

In most cases, the teenagers you minister to don’t speak another language. (I guess it may seem like they do, at times.) But there are cultural differences that influence your teenager and may make communication difficult at times. Sometimes what teenagers hear is not what we are trying to say. Understanding the words is not usually the problem. Understanding the context sometimes is.

Youth ministry means hearing teenagers, even when they are saying things that are hard to hear. Their language may define “love” through a provocative MTV filter. It may include a definition of “family” may be something caustic and angry. For some, the word “Jesus” may be equated with rules or may have little meaning at all.

So, how do we communicate cross-culturally with teenagers? We listen well. We teach with more than words. We depend on God’s Spirit to translate His Word into their hearts.

Death is one of those subjects most of us would just as soon avoid. Many teenagers in your youth group will face death. They may lose a grandparent. In a few crisis situations, death may strike a friend. A few may experience the death of a member of their immediate family. When teenagers face death, how do you help? Here are a few things to keep in mind when one of your students experiences the death of someone close to him or her:

1. Every grief experience is different. How a teenager will experience grief depends on a vast number of factors: the personality of the student, how close the student felt to the person who died, the extent to which the death will change the student’s life, how profoundly the student experiences the death as a threat to his or her own mortality, the social support system that surrounds the teenager, and more. Don’t expect teenagers to follow a script in the way they deal with death. Allow each of them to express their feelings of grief in ways that fit them.
2. Students may act out their feelings in ways that are harmful to themselves or others. Some teenagers may lash out at others. Some may be violet or destructive. Some may turn to alcohol or illegal drugs. Stay close to the student. Make contact often, especially when the student loses someone very close to them to death. Watch for danger signs. If you discover (or suspect) the teenager is engaging in dangerous behavior, get help. Don’t try to address this on your own. Talk to the parents and then find a Christian counselor who can help the student with intense anger and pain.
3. Death comes in many forms. The hardest losses to get over are usually sudden. When a parent dies with a sudden heart attack or a friend is killed in an accident, teenagers will tend to play the event over and over again in their minds. They will question what they could have done to prevent the situation. They may blame themselves for the death. Listen to teenagers thoughts and concerns. Make sure they know that you are seeking to understand how they feel. It is unlikely the teenager could have done anything to prevent the death; assure them that they are not at fault.However, death can also come in the form of long, drawn-out illness. A parent may contract cancer or a grandparent may die after months or years of illness. While the long illness can be tormenting, teenagers usually have time to say good-bye and to work through some of their feelings during the illness. Occasionally, parents will try to shield their teenager from the news of impending death. That is seldom helpful and can be harmful to teenagers. It may help parents to talk through with them how to tell their teenager.

When a teenager in your youth group faces the death of someone close, the most important thing you can do is be close. Offering love, support, and a listening ear, and assuring them of God’s love and concern for him or her is normally the most valuable thing you can do.

Human culture changes. People live, think, eat, and relate in ways that are different from one place to another and from one time to another. However, the lasting principles for ministry are found in God’s unchanging Word. A lot of books have been written to speak to today’s youth culture. But, when you train people to lead youth ministry all over the world, teaching eternal principles is all that makes sense. And for those of us in smaller churches, a lot of the big idea books don’t really connect anyway. Fortunately, what God said is true whether you minister in Swinney Switch, TX; New Berlin, IL; or Anaheim, CA where I live.

Roger Glidewell, Founder and Executive Director of Global Youth Ministry and President of the Institute for Global Youth Studies trains students to do ministry all over the world then places them in ministry contexts where they can flesh out the ideas. He recently allowed me to read one of the books he has developed for his courses: Youth Ministry by the Book, A Biblical Framework. It is a great resource that provides a simple plan for doing youth ministry that can be applied to any ministry context.

Glidewell believes the purpose of youth ministry is to bring glory to God. We could focus on a lot of objectives, but ministry only brings God glory when he is the focus of all we do. In fact, Glidewell warns, “We should avoid thinking that somehow we are able to develop a human strategy that will accomplish eternal goals.” There are a lot of ways to fill a youth room. Glorifying God is a different goal.

Glidewell also teaches the importance of building a team to do ministry . . . even in a very small church. He wrote, “For the youth minister to build relationships with youth is vital. But if you desire to have long-term effectiveness there is a relationship even more important: You must build a team of leaders who will help to extend your reach and multiply your effectiveness.”

Glidewell sites 1 John 2:12-14 as a picture of the maturity levels at which your students may be. Some students are at the point of “Availability.” They are new believers who may have little understanding and more bore easily but they have made a commitment to Christ and are eager to get involved. Some students are at the point of “Accountability.” They are growing in their faith. They are becoming more effective in their investment in ministry. A few students may be at the point of “Ability.” They are mature in their faith and can serve as an example to others. Of course, some students are at the point of “Apathy” and have no real relationship with Christ. Glidewell suggests that youth ministry should find ways to engage all four groups. Sound hard? He says to start with what you have and build from there.

Youth Ministry by the Book has been published for youth at Global Youth Ministry and are not available in bookstores. If you would like a copy, the price is $14.99 plus shipping and you can order it by emailing info@globalyouthministry.org.