Archive for March, 2010

Jesus had been out teaching his disciples. When they came back to Capernaum, Matthew records that Jesus went to Peter’s house (Matt. 8:14). It was a big deal to Matthew because Jesus miraculously healed Peter’s mother-in-law. But, I wonder if there is a simpler message for those of us who minister to youth in small churches. Teenagers live in homes with families. Go where they live.

I know, the culture was different then. People didn’t go out to restaurants all the time. They didn’t have little league or choir practice. And we are way past the day when you can drop by someone’s house and expect anyone to be home. But there is still great value in finding time to go to where people live.

Call ahead. Don’t just show up. You will be much more welcome if you ask the parents (not just the kid) if you can drop by for a few minutes.

Bring gifts. Okay, this is a little odd for many Americans, but I learned this from my neighbors in Nashville who were El Salvadoran. They would never come to my home without a small gift. I used to keep copies of Living with Teenagers magazine as a small gift to give to parents when I went by to see them.

Tell them why you came. Make it simple. Something like: I like getting to know the families of our students and love getting to see where they live.

Listen more than you talk. Too often, people have an agenda when they go to someone’s house. Honestly, most people who come to my house are trying to sell me something. Notice things they set out–that’s a cue to what members of the family think are most important. Ask the family about things, and listen to their stories.

Don’t stay long. You will be much more welcome to come back if you spend 20 minutes and leave than if you stay all evening long.

And, it isn’t a bad thing to invite folks to get to know you in your home either.

Maeyken Wens was the wife of an Anabaptist pastor in 16th Century Antwerp. She passionately followed Christ, but her beliefs about believers baptism were not tolerated in much of Europe. She was arrested, tried, and sentenced to death by burning. Before her execution, she wrote to her son Adriaen: My dear son, do not be afraid of this suffering; it is nothing compared to that which shall endure forever. . . . Hence cease not to fear God because of this temporal death; I cannot fully thank my God for the great grace which he has shown me. She did all she could to leave a legacy of faith to her son.

As I read her story, I remembered a mom of a former youth group member asking me not to challenge our youth to do too much. “There are already so many demands on their time,” she told me. Certainly we can over-challenge teenagers, demand too much of them . . . even at church. But I wonder if we short-sell teenagers by dumbing down the faith and making it all about pizza, games, and quick devotional Bible study. I long for a generation of teenagers who will say no to simplistic faith and will passionately pursue God, no matter the cost.

The vast majority of parents want the best for their children. Most of them sacrifice to give their kids the best start in life they can. They desire to see their children as healthy adults with good jobs, loving families, and rich lives. Christian parents want their children to grow up with a love for God. Ask parents if they would be willing for their children to make huge sacrifices if it would advance the Kingdom of God and they will hesitate. Honestly, it would be easier for most of us to contemplate making huge sacrifices for God ourselves than to ask our kids to do it.

As you seek to challenge youth with the amazing (and sometimes demanding) truths of the gospel, don’t neglect their parents. Find ways to lift the eyes of parents to what is truly most important in life: not a big house or a comfortable paycheck, but passionate obedience to Christ. When you involve teenagers in ministry, invite their parents to join you and to work side-by-side with their teenage children. Help them to see the incredible value of a life poured out in service to Christ.

Most teenagers will grow up to value what their parents value . . . for better or worse. Help the parents of your teenagers to see in their children the potential for Kingdom service in their kids. And encourage them to leave a legacy of more than church attendance, but true passionate service to Christ.

Check out the books on the youth ministry shelves at your local Christian bookstore. Most of the models of youth ministry described in those books are from “successful” churches. By “successful” I mean that they have a whole bunch of students involved in their ministry. I think having lots of kids involved in ministry is great . . . but I don’t think that should be the only way we measure success. And unfortunately, those models often only fit a big church that already is reaching lots of students. So, where do we find a model for what youth ministry should look like in the small church. I think the best model of ministry is found in what Jesus did with his disciples.

First, Jesus’ ministry with the disciples was relational. He spent a lot of time with them. He used teachable moments to guide them to maturity. He showed them the power of God in the circumstances of life. He lived his relationship with the Father out in front of them.

Second, Jesus’ ministry with the disciples involved intentional teaching. Jesus set aside time to take his disciples apart and instruct them in how to follow God. Some of my friends in LifeWay’s student ministry are talking about six issues Jesus taught the disciples: the lordship of Christ, Christian disciplines like prayer and giving, developing godly character, discerning right from wrong, building healthy relationships with other people, and influencing people around them with the Gospel. Not a bad plan.

Third, Jesus’ ministry with the disciples was purposeful. When he called Simon and his brother Andrew, he told them, “Follow me and I will make you fishers of men” (Matt. 4:19). His disciples were doing a lot more than hanging out together. They were learning to be on mission with God in their world.

I suppose there is a lot more we could say about Jesus-Style Youth Ministry, but those are some pretty significant truths for those of us who are leading our little band of 12 . . . or 8 . . . or 2.

Last Sunday my church held a church-wide picnic. I know, for those of you guys in Illinois and Nebraska, having a church-wide picnic is a little early, but it works pretty well in Southern California. The Pastor (who is a bit of a sports nut) declared this our opening of baseball season and divided us into American League and National League fans. For us, mostly Dodgers fans and Angels fans. I’m sure the Angels and the Dodgers would have been mortified if they could have seen the little kids and grandmas at our church hitting at a wiffle ball, but it made us happy. I know that lots of churches . . . particularly small churches . . . have church picnics, so I’m really not telling you about this because i think it is a novel idea. I’m telling you about it because I think it illustrates a significant point about youth ministry in the small church. I think we actually had more teenagers at that picnic/wiffle ball game than we have had at our recent youth activities.

Youth ministry in the small church has this incredible opportunity of connecting teenagers with oldsters and youngsters in the church. Kids can learn to laugh and love people of all ages . . . and a lot of kids get a chance to see their parents and maybe even their pastor actually playing.

Yes, youth ministry activities . . . the kind where only kids and their adult sponsors show up . . . are valuable and play an important role in youth ministry. Don’t miss giving youth opportunities to hang out with youth from time to time. But I think we should view these church wide experiences as part of our youth ministry as well. Youth ministry is not a set of young-people only activities. Youth ministry is what a church does to help their teenagers fall in love with God and grow to mature faith in Christ. And sometimes that means seeing people older than they are up close enough to understand the roll faith plays in adult life.

Get a group of youth leaders together and ask them about older youth. They will almost all begin to talk about how few older students stay involved in the youth group as they move toward high school graduation. Students begin to drive, get part-time jobs, are involved in an increasing number of activities, have more freedom to spend time on their own with friends . . . and seem to have less time for youth group. In small youth groups, we feel the press even more because we have so few older students to start with. Is this trend something we have to live with? Are students always going to move away from our youth ministries as they mature?

Maybe. As parents give their students more freedom to make their own decisions, some young men and women are going to opt out of youth ministry. I think our strategy with those students is to find new ways to challenge them. Help them not to graduate out of their faith because they feel like they have graduated out of the youth group.

However, we lose some students because of the way we do youth ministry. Think about it. a student enters the youth group around age 12 with huge excitement and high expectations. They are excited about things like youth camp, mission projects; time with older students they admire and time away from parents. And that excitement is enough to hold their attention . . . for a year or two. Eventually, all of the excitement fades. Youth camp becomes one of many optional activities. And some of the older students they once admired don’t seem as cool as they once did. Students develop a “been-there-done-that” attitude toward youth ministry. At the same time, they are striving to become the president of the student class, or the head cheer-leader, or the drum major of the band . . . roles that give them new challenges and more responsibility. Is it any wonder that students begin to drop out of our youth groups.

If we want our young people to continue to find our youth ministries engaging, we need to find ways to raise the challenge for them. I know, you don’t have the resources to develop a high school seniors seminar in apologetics. It might not help if you could. But the answer may not be all that tough. Give your older students status in your group. Ask for them to teach part of the Bible study lesson, not just sit in a class full of younger students. Give them responsibility for caring for younger students. Find their gifts and get them plugged into ministry projects in the youth group, in the church, or in the community. Raise the bar for students and many will respond.

Pseudo-stupidity.

It is when a student looks back at you with a completely blank look and shrugs when you ask him . . . well, anything. Your teenagers don’t have to be rocket scientists or brain surgeons, but one of the goals of adolescence, according to Robert Havighurst, is to develop intellectual skills. So, does the development of intellectual skills have anything to do with what we do in youth ministry, or is that one of those issues we can just count on other people to address?

Adolescent brains are changing. Teenagers are gaining the ability to think and reason in ways they never have before. (If you doubt that, ask their parents. Teenagers invent new ways almost daily to argue every possible point with their parental units.) In the middle of all of the changes going on in an adolescent’s body, what happens in her head may be the most significant part.

While the brain is developing quickly in adolescence, some research seems to indicate that it doesn’t just happen automatically. The cognitive processes (that is, how kids think) develop best when teenagers are guided to practice the hard work of careful consideration. When you ask a young teenager why he did what he did and he tells you he doesn’t know, the truth is, he doesn’t know. He is just beginning to develop the ability to figure all of that out.

One theorist suggested that for teenagers, higher reasoning is like going through a jungle with a machete. The first time through is hard work. You have to hack your way through dense undergrowth in order to clear a path. However, the next time you walk the same path, it will be much easier . . . and will get easier with each repeated effort. As teenagers practice firing the synapses that help them to think through a difficult problem or look at alternatives to their actions, it may be tough for them at first. Gradually, they will be able to do this thinking automatically, much as adults do.

So, how do you help teenagers develop intellectual skills?

1. As you are teaching and discipling younger youth, take it slow. You may have to ask them several follow-up questions before they can put the pieces together. They need you to lead them to think all the way through an issue and not just give them the correct answer.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask youth hard questions . . . especially as teenagers get older. Ask them to wrestle with issues of faith and come up with answers that make sense. You can cover more verses in the Bible study if you just explain the point to them, but you will teach them more if you give them time to figure it out.
3. Find ways for them to articulate their faith. Too many teenagers graduate from high school (and occasionally even college) still living on the faith of their parents. Ask them to examine why they trust God, what experiences and what evidence leads them to put confidence in God and in His Word. Help them to wrestle through the implications of their faith on their lives.

In many large churches, teenagers sit in a big room while someone six rows away teaches them the Bible through a loud speaker. Teenagers may engage in the Bible study and enjoy the setting. They may take good truths home with them. In the small church, you have the unique opportunity to do more than tell your students what to believe. You can challenge them to think through the lesson and tell you what is true based on their understanding of Scripture. Help them flex their intellectual muscle as you teach and you will make a tremendous difference.