Archive for October, 2009

A teenage girl bounces out of her room and heads to school . . . dressed in a skirt so short it hardly covers the essentials. When her mother stops her and sends her back to her room to change, she rages. “Why are you trying to make me look like you? That’s not who I am!” She has mistaken her clothes for her identity. But that’s actually not that common a mistake for a young teenager.

Theorist and human development specialist Erik Erikson said that human development involves eight tasks. When a person successfully navigates the task for a phase of life, he or she is capable of moving on to the next task. When a person fails to successfully address the task, they end up suffering with that development task indefinitely. For adolescents, Erikson said the task is identity development. If they fail to determine who they are, teenagers will struggle with role confusion. So, how do you help the teenagers in your youth group navigate the developmental task of building their identity?

Identity development is not a simple task. We can tell teenagers that they are designed by God and that they need to build their sense of self on their relationship with Christ, but that Bible study will not give teenagers all they need to end the quest. For most young teenagers, the task of identity development involves some level of experimentation. They “try on” different identities to see what feels right to them. (A friend of mine used to call this phenomenon “trying on hats.”) Identity building will require some time and may involve some failures . . . some funny, some frustrating. Teenagers need our patience and understanding. They also need our input.

Tell youth that they are valuable. Help them to know that they are made in the image of God. Make sure they understand some of what that means. Teach them what it really means to be “in Christ.” Guide youth to see that they have a purpose in the kingdom of God, that they are useful to God, that their life counts. Help them to see the work of Christ in their life to make them righteous, to make them holy. Tell them and keep on telling them.

Confront in love the faulty attitudes that teenagers develop about their identity. Give them experiences that help them to understand that ministry to others makes them a richer person than living a selfish life does. Help them to understand that their identity is not found in what they do on the outside, but on who they are on the inside.

Be a role model for your teenagers. Show them what a real Christian life looks like. Don’t expect perfection of yourself but be intentional about living your life for Christ and seeking forgiveness when you sin. Help students to see that a life lived for Christ is a rich and full life.

The process of identity building is tough and it can be frustrating for youth leaders. It is disappointing to see teenagers trying on hats that don’t square with who God says they are. Don’t give students over to the voices of the world. Give them some good hats to try on and encourage them to replace the foolish ones with the ones that will lead to a Christ-centered life.

The Apostle Paul was talking late into the night. He was in a third story room with the church at Troas for what he believed would be his last message. I suppose he must have felt like every word was essential. Luke wrote that Paul “talked on and on” (Acts 20:9). One of the teenagers, Eutychus, was sitting in the window. Probably the First Century equivalent of leaning back in his chair. He fell asleep. Paul was preaching for the last time in Troas and the teenage guy fell asleep. Typical. I’ve been in youth classes when someone fell asleep while they were leaning back against the wall and ended up crashing to the floor. Falling asleep in a third-story window is a bit more hazardous. Eutychus slid out the window and fell to his death. Fortunately, God used Paul to restore life to him. I’ve warned teenagers before that I wasn’t sure I could do what Paul did so they had better not sleep during my lessons.

Do you wonder what Paul thought? I mean, how do you think Paul felt that one of the young heroes of the Troas church slept through his heart-felt lesson . . . the last he would give? I wonder if he felt like he would have spent his time better if he had gone to town and taken in a movie. If you have been in youth ministry very long, you have probably experienced what it is like to spend hours praying over, studying, and planning a lesson . . . only to be met by yawns and questions like, “How much longer is this lesson going to be?” How do you keep doing youth ministry when that is the response of your youth?

First, let me assure you that we have all been there. If the Apostle Paul couldn’t keep a teenager awake for his lesson . . . if Jesus could teach the disciples and have them completely miss the point . . . if compassionate Barnabas could take his teenage cousin on a mission trip only to have him bail out and go home when things got tough, then we are in good company when our teenagers are unresponsive. Over and over again, God called out his people for being “stiff-necked.” Times are not really all that different. Churches . . . even youth groups . . . are still filled with stiff-necked people.

Second, check your motives. I know, you got into youth ministry because you love teenagers and want to see God working in their lives. That’s a good motive, right? Truthfully, the right motive for doing youth ministry is that God has called you to it. Like Jeremiah, you share truth with teenagers because God gave you the truth . . . whether they listen or not. Know that your Heavenly Father is pleased with your obedience even if your teenagers would rather be watching “Hannah Montana.”

Third, keep your sense of humor. Your teenagers probably don’t mean to discount your efforts when they fall asleep in your class. They assume you know they were up all night playing some game that had them crashing their cars into street lamps. Tease them instead of railing at them. It will usually win them over.

Finally, be faithful. Don’t give up. Don’t quit preparing. Don’t deflate. And don’t allow the enemy to convince you that your work as youth leader is having no fruit. Trust God. Pray. And value every moment you get to spend with students. Trust that God will use his word to tender their hearts in his time.

Imagine your church was suddenly transported to Bangladesh during one of your worship services. You closed the door, sang a few songs, listened to an inspiring message, and opened the church doors to discover you were in a village on the other side of the world. One of your deacons would probably pull the door closed and hope Scotty would beam you back to your own neighborhood. But, when you opened the door again, you would still be in this completely different land with a completely different culture. The women’s group might decide to organize a pot-luck in the fellowship hall. After all, no one would be going home to the cafeteria today. Where would they go to buy food? What would they find to buy? And how would they pay for it?

Of course, someone who was a little more spiritually minded than the rest of you would eventually suggest that if you have been placed in this new place with these people, God must intend for you to share Jesus with them. But, how would you talk to them? I don’t really know what language they speak in Bangladesh, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t English. How would you share with them in a way they could understand?

The situation might not be as far-fetched as all that. I mean, I doubt any of our church buildings are going to grow wings and start flying around the world. But, in a sense, this has already happened to us. While most of us weren’t looking, we were transported into a culture that is very different from the one we grew up in. Our communities are more multi-cultural, less churched, more skeptical, and less connected than they have ever been before. We may use the same words as those who live outside our church buildings, we don’t really speak the same language. We don’t look at the world in the same way as those around us. And we have had to learn to adapt just to fit into this new culture. And while this is true for us as adults, it is even more true for those of us who are seeking to reach teenagers for Christ.

Walt Mueller has said that there are two things we need to understand about youth culture: “1) Its rate of change is speeding up, not slowing down–and if we hesitate, stand still, don’t stay on top of the rapid changes, we’ll be left in the dust; 2) Not only are there more voices taking up space in youth culture all the time, but they’re also getting louder, more attractive, and more convincing.” According to Mueller, when we do youth ministry today we are involved in a missionary expedition. Our churches have been dropped into an alien culture and are seeking to reach people speaking a language we often don’t speak living in a culture we seldom fully understand.

So, what do we do? One option would be to give up. We can teach the kids whose parents bring them into our youth group, who have learned to live in our culture and be satisfied that we get to make a difference in their lives. Or, we can engage them within their culture. How do you do that? I believe it requires three disciplines: Listen. Watch. Understand.

Listen. When I was in the Philippines, my biggest problem was that I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I was teaching a group of Philippine youth leaders how to teach youth, but I wasn’t even sure what it was like to sit in a Philippine Bible class for teenagers. So, I raised principles and asked, How would that work in your culture? And I listened. Ask students what influences drive the decisions that are made by teenagers today. Ask them how teenagers respond to our pre-packaged approaches to evangelism. Ask teenagers what their friends spend time talking about, thinking about, doing. And listen.

Watch. What TV shows are your students watching? What movies are they going to? At camp last year, the preacher asked students who were the biggest heroes they saw at the movies. The girls in the group yelled out, Edward . . . the vampire from Twilight. But, not really the Edward from the movies. The one from the books. What? Teenagers don’t read. We all know that. Apparently we don’t know the things we know. And have you read the book that most of the girls in your youth group are reading?

Understand. Understanding their culture is not the same as endorsing it. However, we should be very careful about ridiculing the culture our teenagers live in. The culture has marked them deeply. They may have to reject parts of their culture to truly follow Christ, but the journey begins when we truly understand the influences that drive their view of the world.

We have opened our church doors and we are in the middle of a different culture. I suppose God must have wanted us to reach this culture with his love and his forgiveness or he wouldn’t have dropped us in this culture. So, let’s get to work. Let’s figure out how we can speak eternal truth into this culture so that youth can be reconciled to God.

A lot of discussion in youth ministry these days surrounds the role of family. Excellent topic. Some suggest that if parents do their job in raising their youth to follow Christ, no reason would exist for doing youth ministry. Youth leaders have often taken the role I believe God gave to parents as the primary discipler of young people. However, the idea that youth ministry would be unnecessary if parents took up that role is a significant misunderstanding of the role of youth ministry in the church.

In his book, Passing on the Faith, Merton Strommen suggests four roles the church must fulfill if parents hope to do the job of discipling their teenagers.

First, the church must provide training, support, and resources to parents as they lead their families. Small churches may be overwhelmed with the task. Small group leaders of adults may be able to help. If they have experience in discipling their own teenagers they can share their experiences. Certainly they can share biblical truths. Pastors can teach parents about their role and responsibility in discipling their teenagers. However, many leaders of adults are as puzzled by the activities and attitudes of young people as the parents themselves. As youth leaders, we add an important dimension to the discussion. We are (or should be) students of youth culture and adolescent development. We have developed strategies and skills for communicating God’s truth to teenagers. We need to share the things we are learning with parents. We function like cultural missionaries who study the culture we are trying to reach and then suggest strategies to those who will do the parents who will do the hard work of daily ministry with adolescents.

Second, the church must provide an extended family for teenagers. The role of the youth leader is not the same as the parent. However, we can and should become spiritual aunts and uncles, older siblings in Christ, and even spiritual grandparents. While the church has always been a faith family, that dynamic has never been more greatly needed than it is in the American church today. Few families live close to extended family. And often the extended family teenagers spend time with lack the spiritual commitment of the teenager and his family.Teenagers should find faith family in the church regardless of how well or how poorly their parents live out a commitment to God at home.

Third, the church must provide a consistent, comprehensive approach to Bible study for young adults. We fail at this task when our Bible studies become more like 1960′s rap sessions. Lots of good feelings are fostered, but teenagers leave as unequipped to live out the call of God as when they entered. Yes, students need to study the Bible with their parents at home, however the church has a responsibility to provide a solid understanding of the story of Scripture for teenagers.

Fourth, the church must provide an alternative peer group that will reinforce their faith. Parents are the strongest long-term influence on the lives of teenagers today. However, to say that their peer group does not exert a significant influence on teenagers is to approach youth culture with incredible naivete. Teenagers are much more likely to fall prey to the temptations that plague youth culture in this country when they are surrounded by peers who have no spiritual background. Teenagers are developing in their ability to understand, apply, and lead related to spiritual truth. When they lack friends who are also struggling to make the right decisions, failure is more likely. In youth ministry, we don’t do activities simply to entertain teenagers. We do activities to develop strong friendships among teenagers, friendships that are founded on experiences with the Almighty God. Youth ministry can fail at this task and be just another place for kids to get in trouble. But the failure of youth ministry in some churches hardly means we should ignore the need.

If parents would do their job, would we need youth ministry? Yes. In fact, I would argue that youth ministers cannot adequately focus on our job unless parents do their.