Archive for September, 2009

A youth minister was talking to one of his students about the need of their group for more adult leaders. He told the student, “What we need are some college students. College students make the perfect youth leaders.” Was he right?

Yes, college students do make the perfect youth leaders. They are young enough to remember what it was like to be a teenager. The youth culture they grew up in was not that different from the youth culture students today are growing up in. College students have instant credibility with a lot of youth. They speak the same language, know the same music, and have seen the same movies.

College students do make the perfect youth leaders. Most of them are single and they tend to have more flexibility in the schedules. Most of them are full of energy and staying up for your all-night bowl-o-rama, anchovy pizza lock-in is not a problem for them. They are at their physical peak and they have great hair. Students will love being around them.

College students do make the perfect youth leaders. When they have made a commitment to Christ, they are passionate about it. They listen to Chris Tomlin music in their cars and download podcasts from John Piper. They can sit at Starbucks for hours talking about what the church needs to do to really reach this generation. Many of them have the kind of heart that you want in a youth leader.

Of course, college students often are pretty fickle. They are gung-ho about working with youth ministry . . . until it interferes with their preparation for Calculus or the opening of a new show. College students often have difficulty hanging in with a church if they don’t feel “fed” or “connected.” When college students bail from your youth ministry or show up sporadically, it can be a real disappointment to your students. Maybe college students aren’t the perfect youth leaders.

College students also have a hard time seeing the difference between where they are developmentally and where your 14 year old students are. They can confidently tell you that students don’t want to play games at church. What they really mean is that they don’t want to play games at church; they just have a hard time seeing why Junior High or High School students would be any different. Maybe college students aren’t the perfect youth leaders.

So, which is it? Are they perfect youth leaders or not?

Choosing youth leaders because they are young . . . or because they are old uses the wrong criteria. Does the person love God passionately? Is he or she growing in a commitment to Christ? Does he or she like teenagers and like being around them? Does he or she have the maturity to be an adult leader and the winsomeness to be a friend? Is he or she reliable? If you find a college student that meets those criteria, get him on your team. If you find a grandmother who meets those criteria, get her on your team, too.

It was years ago. I was a seminary student and a youth ministry volunteer at my church. Jannette Clift George was speaking at a conference for Christian leaders. George had played in the movie, “The Hiding Place” and had started the Christian acting troupe, the A.D. Players. The place was packed with people who wanted to hear what she had to say. She started talking about her investment in local church ministry. So often, she explained, she felt like she was all alone. She was trying to do things that would make a difference in the lives of people the church was seeking to meet and no one would help. No one would come along side her. George said that, again and again, she would pray for someone to help her. She felt alone and tired. She wanted to give up was felt like she was doing the will of God. So she kept plugging away. Finally, she said that she reached the end of what she could do. She told us that she looked to god and said, “I give up, God. That’s it! I give up.” Her next statement was what surprised me. She said, “I heard this sigh of relief from heaven.”

I didn’t get it. Why would George think God would be pleased by her giving up? It made no sense to me and hardly seemed like the kind of message you should give to a room of Christian leaders. “God is relieved when we finally give up”? Try to find that in the Bible.

Today, I think I understand what Jeannette Clift George was trying to say. So many of us think that real ministry is about doing more and more. We run from event to event trying to keep all of them going. We never stop to consider whether it makes any difference in the lives our the students we work with if we have one more laser tag event this month.

In John 4, Jesus was able to care for the needs of the woman at the well because he was sitting. He hadn’t gone into town with his disciples. He was simply available. I suppose Jesus knew the woman was coming–after all, he is God. I suppose he was waiting for her. But it still occurs to me that I can get so involved in the activities–in doing ministry, that I may not be available when I could be addressing the heart needs of students.

I don’t think George was telling us to give up on God or give up on the people we minister to. I think she was telling us to give up on our own agendas. Give up on trying to create a new a better youth event so students won’t go to the church down the street. Give up on trying to out-do your ice cream-o-rama from last month with more ice cream, more chocolate sauce, and more kids. Give up worrying whether you kids think you are the coolest youth leader in history. Give up.

Instead of all the activity, draw close to God. And look for students who need to be loved. Trust God to put the pieces together.

The new pastor has two teenagers, a middle school son and a high school junior daughter. You have hoped that your church would build a youth group, but the only teenager in the church for the last year has been your son . . . the same age as the new pastor’s son. Because you really want a youth group at your church for these students, you agree to lead the youth group. Okay, maybe your story is different than the one above, but how do you grow a youth ministry when you only have a few students in your church? As you know, the biggest problem you face is that teenagers are most often attracted to other teenagers.

The bad news is, prepackaged approaches don’t usually work. If the church across town grew a group by having Friday night masquerade parties, it’s not very likely the same thing will work for you. Start with prayer. Ask God to show you what you need to do, who you need to reach, what activities you need to do, how you need to go about getting your teenagers involve in ministry. Then . . .

A female high school junior is not very likely to get excited about hanging out with a couple of middle school boys. Enlist her help first. Help her to understand that you want her to be a leader . . . not just another student. Tell her you would like to meet with her fairly often to get her help to plan the Bible studies, determine what mission projects you need to do, and determine what you can do that will be fun for the younger kids. She may not respond to your request for help, but if she does she will be a great example for the younger students and is more likely to invite her friends and to look to you to help her as she develops in her spiritual life.

Don’t over-do the activities. Plan about one activity each month (in addition to your weekly Bible study). Design half the activities to be just for fun and encourage the students to bring a friend. Design the other half to get the students involved in ministry to someone . . . and encourage the students to bring a friend.

Focus your youth ministry on the students you have. Plan things that are fun for two or three students. Let them know how much you enjoy being with them. Look for ways to help them to grow in their walk with God.

Create a sense of openness in the group. There is always room for another student or two.

As students begin to feel at home in your youth ministry, find ways to get to know their parents. Invite their parents to come to church with them. Take time before or after youth events to talk to parents as they drop off their students. Ask parents if they would be willing to help drive or bring food. Help them to connect with other people in the church.

Whether you are working with two students or two dozen, doing youth ministry on your own will limit your ministry. Youth ministry works best as a team sport. Sure, you might be the Kobe Bryant of youth ministry, but even Kobe needs someone to pass him the ball. A team of youth leaders helps you to touch different kinds of teenagers, offer different approaches to ministry, and find support from other members of the team. In almost every situation, if you have help in youth ministry, your youth ministry will be stronger.

So, let’s assume that you have decided who you will ask to help you in the ministry. How do you approach him or her?

First, no whining or apologizing. Youth ministry is the most exciting ministry anyone can be a part of in the church. You are offering someone the opportunity to get a front row seat to see God move a pimply-faced 13 year old into a confident and committed high school graduate who is committed to living his life for maximum impact on the kingdom of God. One of your students may be the next Billy Graham and most of the people in your church won’t notice him until he’s gone. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that?

Second, no begging. If God is not moving a person toward youth ministry, he is not the right person. Remember that God may change his mind later, but start looking for someone else.

Third, no newsletter announcements, letters, or phone calls. Make an appointment . . . maybe over lunch. Talk to her face to face. Tell her what you see in her that you think would help your youth ministry and invite her to get involved.

Fourth, no vague pleas for help. Have in mind exactly what you would like to him to do. Let him know that there is more than one way he can get involved, but what you would really like him to commit to doing is . . . Be specific. He may have a counter offer (which if fine), but let him know what you would like from him.

Fifth, no fuzzy estimates of the time the job will take. Do your best to estimate how many hours you are asking for and when those hours will be. Give him a clear understanding of how much time it will take to show up for Sunday school, prepare a lesson every other week, and come to a monthly youth activity — if that’s the help you need.

Sixth, no sink or swim approaches to youth leadership. Get your new youth leader to some training. Talk with her about how to do youth ministry. Be there to support her until she begins to feel comfortable. Talk often. Provide support, encouragement, and direction as she needs it.

Several years ago, a friend cut his hand badly. I took him to the hospital to have it sewed up. However, when I arrived at the hospital, I ran into the father of a member of my youth group. He seemed relieved I was there and explained that his son had overdosed on prescription drugs. He had rushed the young man to the emergency room and hospital personnel were pouring charcoal down his throat. I spent a few minutes praying with the father and then was allowed to go see the young man. He was scared, throwing up, and disoriented.

Most of us sign up for youth ministry because we want to help teenagers fall in love with God. The idea of dealing with crisis is seldom what motivates us to get involved. However, if you work with teenagers (or adults for that matter) long enough, you will encounter crisis situations. How do you deal with those times? How do you help a teenager in crisis?

While I can’t offer a total answer to that question in this article (and would not be the best person to do that in any case), let me offer a few suggestions.

• Involve the parents. If you discover that a teenager is in a crisis and his or her parents don’t know, tell them. Unless the parents is the source of the crisis, they need to know . . . even if the teenager doesn’t want them to.
• Get help. It will probably be irresponsible for you to talk to church friends about the crisis, but find someone who can help. Involve your pastor, a school counselor, or a local physician. Ask the family to let you involve someone who can help with the situation.
• Be present. Most of the time, you should not sacrifice your family, your job, or your personal devotional time for your ministry. However, when crisis grips one of the teenagers in your care (suicide attempt, drug overdose, rape, death of a family member, and so forth) make the time to be with the student. Your presence will mean more than anything else you can do or say.
• Be supportive. The moment of crisis is not the time to confront the bad behavior that may have put the teenager in danger. Let them know that you love them and want to help.
• Bring the presence of Christ into the crisis. Tell the student and his/her family that you are praying for them. If they will let you, voice prayer for God’s presence and care in the situation.

A teenager in crisis may try to shrug off the fact that their life has been turned upside down. They may want to pretend the crisis has not happened or that it is not that bad. Stay with them. Get them help. Make sure they are taken care of.

Dealing with crisis is never fun. But God can use you in significant ways when crises arrive.

Teenagers who attend our youth groups do terrible things. They commit suicide. They attack their peers or family members. They starve themselves or cut themselves or simply give up on their dreams. We are the Church. Why on earth would kids who are in our groups not find love and joy and peace in Christ?

The truth is that teenagers today live in a world that has compounded stressors and many of them simply cave into the pressure. Some are abused. Some are neglected. Some are so afraid to disappoint their parents that they can’t cope.

How do you recognize kids who are hurting? Obviously this little newsletter entry can’t provide a final answer to that question, but let me make a few suggestions. If other ideas occur to you as you read, please add them as comments to this article.

1. Listen with your eyes as well as your ears. Many students hunger to share the pain they feel with someone who really cares, but they aren’t sure anyone really does. They don’t want to be a “bother.” Often students will test the waters. When you ask, “How is your life?” they will look down, shrug, and say, “Okay.” Their body language may be saying, “It’s not very good, but I’m not sure you really want to know that.” A response like, “Sounds like things are tough right now” gives students a chance to talk. It says, I picked up on the cues and if you want to talk to me, I want to listen.
2. Pay attention to mood swings. It’s true, all students have crazy mood swings. However, when a kid that is usually happy becomes sullen and it seems to last for a while, find out what’s going on. Similarly, if a kid who is usually quiet becomes suddenly boisterous, pay attention. These major mood swings can be indicators that something is wrong.
3. Notice significant changes in students appearance. Students bodies are changing rapidly. But when a student loses a lot of weight suddenly, talk to their parents. This could indicate a growth spurt or an intentional change in eating habits. Or it could indicate an eating disorder. If a student starts showing up with a lot of bruises, pay attention. It could indicate abuse or could be an indicator of an illness. Or it could mean they have been wrestling with their brother.

Some youth leaders are afraid to ask students what’s going on when they see them acting differently. Trust that if the student doesn’t want to share with you, he or she won’t. Open the door for students to share their frustrations, pains, and hurts. Sometimes what they need the most is someone who cares enough to listen.

Paul Kelly teaches youth ministry and educational leadership at Golden Gate Baptist Seminary. He is the President and Founder of SmallYouthGroup.com.

by Nancy Hamilton

School is back in session. Youth ministry events and ministry dates are on the church calendar by now.  You are ready for the great things God has for you and your students. God has called you to minister to students who show up at your church each week, but do you truly delight in the work God has given you with youth? Do little things pop up and rob you of the job of serving him and serving his young people?

Psalm 37 tells us, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Nothing affects our personal lives . . . and our ministry like our desires. A true heart desire is unaffected by your mood or your surroundings. It is what you long for and are willing to wait for.

What personal things do you desire for this new school year as a follower of Christ? How about for your student ministry?

The reason many of us lose our heart’s desires for ourselves and our ministry is that we allow things to rob us of our “delights.” Beware of these delight-robbers:

• Jealousy–Perhaps you are seeing things you don’t have rather than the things you do. If God placed you in a larger church, you might be able to touch more students. But, allow the faces of your students to penetrate your heart. They need you. Your gifts. Your abilities. Your God-centered love. Don’t be jealous of what God has given to others in their ministry. Treasure what he has given you.

• Anger–Are there unresolved issues deep in your heart that have lingered for a bit too long? Is there someone in your circle who can help you be accountable for those things that are seeded in past hurt or disappointment that have grown into suppressed anger toward a person? Ministry? Church? Learn the joy of forgiveness. Release your anger and allow God to replace it with love.

• Worry–Nothing will do you in like worry. I once heard a well-known pastor say, “When we worry, we take God’s place.” When we worry about things of which we have no control, we are vying for God’s place of authority. Let me encourage you–God has the comings and goings of the entire world, it’s needs, your student ministry, your family, and you–all in the palm of His hand. He’s doing just fine and probably doesn’t need our help.

When you delight in God and his desires for you, those desires will transform into things that are inevitable:  a heart to know Him deeper, a passion to see students share Christ on their campus, and an opportunity to see students serve their families and peers. Take some concentrated time this new school year to pray your guts out to God. Cry out to Him. Beg for His mercy. Long for His direction and blessing. You never make a petition to God that He does not hear. Do good, be patient, and trust God to act in His timing. The work you are doing will not be forgotten by Him or your students.

Nancy Hamilton serves as the Minister to Women and Girls at Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock, Arkansas.

In a lot of small churches, building a youth ministry starts with a handful of middle schoolers. The ministry may not take off because of the lack of interest of the younger teenagers. Getting middle schoolers to show up at Bible study, participate in a project, or even attend camp may be a challenge. So, if your group is mostly middle schoolers, how do you do real youth ministry?

I think middle schoolers are great. Okay, keep laughing, but it’s true. They love being together. Almost anything can capture their attention, though it probably won’t hold their attention for long. And they will do almost any crazy thing you can come up with. Their brains are developing rapidly. One minute, they can show amazing insight and the next they could be experimenting to see how chili powder would taste on ice cream. What could be greater than that?

So, how do you build a ministry that works for them?

1. Always expect disruptions. It may happen when one of them passes gas or it may be the distraction of someone noticing a caterpillar, but whatever you do will be disrupted. You can yell at them to pay attention if you want, but you will make a lot more progress if you will make a joke about it and then say, “As I was saying . . . “
2. Don’t expect to keep their attention for longer than 10 minutes with anything. A Bible study that changes activities–maybe even locations–five or six times in an hour will be more junior high friendly than one that invites them into an hour long discussion.
3. Don’t just tell them; show them. Middle schoolers sometimes have a hard time grasping concepts. Help them to see how those concepts fleshed out.
4. Don’t just tell them; let them try it. Middle schoolers will learn more from doing than from watching. Short video clips are great, but give them a chance to get their hands on an idea.
5. The more they laugh, the more they learn. Okay, I guess it depends on what they are laughing about, but middle school ministry that is humor-less loses points with middle schoolers quickly. Tell some funny stories. Invent some crazy games. Use exaggeration and hyperbole . . . they are just starting to really get that stuff.

The big problem with Middle school ministry that reaches middle schoolers is that it probably won’t reach much of anyone else. Since you probably have middle schoolers and high schoolers together, you are going to have a challenge. You have some choices:

1. Reach the middle schooler and build a high school ministry as they grow up. If you have a few high schoolers, ask them to lead games, tell stories, and be leaders.
2. Focus on your high schoolers and hope your middle schoolers will come because they think the high schoolers are cool. Since middle schoolers think almost any high schooler is cool, this can work. It helps a lot of your high schoolers actually talk to your middle schoolers.
3. Provide some activities where you target high schoolers and some where you target middle schoolers. This works well, but it depends on having enough leaders and enough students to make both kinds of activities work.

Regardless of which approach you take, don’t expect middle schoolers to be like their older peers. Look for ways to challenge their curiosity and feed their hunger for humor.

Ever sit in one of those Bible study classes where someone reads a verse and then everyone talks about what the passage means to them. I’m all for reading the Bible together and I like using discussion as a teaching tool, but I just can’t picture Jesus teaching the Bible that way. I think Jesus was the greatest teacher who ever lived, so maybe we can learn some things about teaching from him.

1. Jesus was a living example of what he taught. Most of your students have heard impassioned talks. They have done the fun activities that come out of the Bible study books. What they need are real-life examples of what it means to walk with Jesus.
2. Jesus was a master story-teller. Stories are more than just illustrations. They are word pictures. They help students to see principles fleshed out in real life. Some people say that teenagers today are less responsive to logical arguments. They are image-driven. If you want to convince them to follow God they are probably going to be more moved by pictures of what that looks like than arguments about why they should care.
3. Jesus was not afraid to confront. He may have been a little slower to address the adultery of the woman at the well than he was to call Peter, Satan, and to tell Peter to get behind him, but he addressed sin head-on. I think people received Jesus’ rebukes because they knew how much Jesus really loved them. We have a responsibility to address sin in the lives of our students. If our students know how much we love them, I think they will receive that from us.
4. Jesus taught the crowds, but he discipled the Twelve. I don’t know how many youth are in your group. I think you have a responsibility to share truth with every teenager your ministry can touch. But, you can really invest in a handful of students. Don’t neglect discipling your “Twelve” (even if there is only one in your Twelve) in order to invest in the crowd.

Jesus did so much more. I suppose we could write books about the teaching of Jesus and never exhaust what he taught us about teaching. Learning to teach as Jesus did will be a lifelong pursuit. Hopefully, these ideas will give you a place to start.