Archive for July, 2009

Building relationships is essential to effective youth ministry . . . especially in a small church. However, simply having positive relationships with teenagers isn’t enough. Teenagers need adults to invest in their lives. For effective youth ministry, we need to be investing in the spiritual growth of teenagers.

Developing a discipling relationship with a teenager means that you allow them to see Christ at work in your life. (Of course, this means that you have to be engaged in a growing relationship with God yourself.) Teenagers need to listen to how you talk about your relationship with God. They need to know how you go about solving problems as a Christ follower. They need to know how you deal with temptations, and what you do when you fail. In short, teenagers need an example of what a real relationship with Christ looks like.

Developing a discipling relationship with teenagers won’t happen if you give up your position as an adult leader in order to be a friend to your students. Yes, develop friendships with youth, but you can’t become their peer. They need for you to set limits, help them to know what is expected of them . . and why. As teenagers age and develop maturity, your relationship with them will change. You will have to set and enforce rules with younger youth. Most of the time, older teenagers will respond better to a call to be an example of Christ. It is also true that you can’t joke, play games, and tease youth and still be an adult. But, don’t give up your role as an adult if you want to have a relationship that leads youth to spiritual growth.

Developing a discipling relationship with teenagers involves speaking truth into their lives. Teenagers need to hear you tell them what it will take for them to live godly lives. Teaching them in structured times is important, but it may be even more important to talk to youth about spiritual issues when you can talk to one or two students. Don’t fall into the trap of only addressing things they need to avoid. Talk to them about how to use their gifts to make a difference.

Developing a disciping relationship with teenagers means being willing to walk into their lives. Invite youth to talk to you about their spiritual lives. Let them know that you want to help them to walk closer with Christ. Allow them to talk with you about problems if they choose to, but always point them to Christ for the answers.

Discipling relationships are core to effective youth ministry. In a small church, you may not be able to produce programs that are as slick as the big church across town. You may not have the money to do all the things a larger church can do. But you can develop a ministry where adults intentionally seek to disciple teenagers by developing relationships with them.

Who has the primary responsibility of discipling a teenager? Is it his youth leader at church? His pastor? A paid youth worker? A Sunday School teacher? Not really. The job really belongs to his parents. How do you help parents take on the roll of discipler?

First, understand that parents are discipling their teenagers. Youth researcher Christian Smith says that if you want to know what the faith of a teenager will be like just take a look at the faith of their parents. Most young people grow up with the faith they see modeled by their parents. So, in a sense, every parent of a member of your youth group is doing discipleship. The problem is that they are not necessarily modeling genuine faith.

As you interact with parents, let them know that they are the primary disciplers of their teenagers. Any time you get to be around parents, tell them that the faith of their teenagers will probably be very similar to the faith of their parents. Parents may not realize what a huge role they play in the faith development of their youth.

How do you help parents who want to take their responsibility as disciplers more seriously? The biggest thing they can do is walk with God. I don’t mean show up at church. I mean that they pursue God with their whole heart. Spiritual disciplines can be important, but not as rituals. Bible study classes can enhance their walk with Christ. But it is not what they do on the outside that will make a difference–it is having a heart devoted to God.

Then, encourage them to live their faith outloud. While faith does have a private dimension, it was never intended to be only a personal thing. We draw strength and grow from a shared faith . . . especially among those we know best and love most. Encourage them to share their faith journey with their teenagers . . . their struggles and their victories.

In the way you minister to students, make sure you acknowledge that you can only supplement what a teenager gets a home. God may choose to use you in ways beyond imagination. But keep working at encouraging parents to take the primary role.

Last week, I was given the opportunity to lead a training conference for adult leaders at a youth camp. It is difficult for a lot of youth leaders to get to training conferences . . . time and expense. Being able to train folks in ministry while they were already at camp seemed like a great approach. However, nothing that I did seemed to connect with the group of leaders. Over the week, I managed to turn a group of 25 adults into a group of three. Why do I tell you this? Because failure is a part of ministry.

I hate to fail. And when I do, I hate to admit it. I expect to do things well. I want to make a difference for the kingdom of God in the things that I do. I don’t like wasting opportunities and I don’t like wasting people’s time. But, if I’m honest, there are times when I fail.

There is a kind of failure that ends opportunities for ministry. I heard yet another story today about a young minister who was married but got involved in a romantic relationship with someone else. He will lose his position and cause serious damage to a number of people in his church. While that is all too common, I am really not talking about moral failure. I’m talking about a failure to use the opportunities God has provided for me.

Sometimes I fail because I am unprepared. Time is the most precious commodity that I have. Finding time to do all the things I want to do, all that I feel called to do, is a challenge. If I am going to do things well, it usually means that I start planning early. Last minute problems inevitably arise and if I haven’t spent time preparing early, I will probably show up unprepared.

Sometimes I fail because I over-reach. I try to accomplish more than I can really accomplish in the time I’m given. I can remember a lot of times when I tried to get teenagers to do things that were really a huge stretch for them. At times I’ve chased kids away from my class because I tried to hard to challenge them.

I’ve failed because I was too intense. I’ve failed because I didn’t believe enough in what I was teaching. At times, I’ve failed without really knowing why.

The good news is, God did not give up on Peter when he failed and was confronted by Paul. He didn’t give up on Apollos though he preached an incomplete message all over Asia minor before being corrected by Prescilla and Aquilla. He didn’t give up on James and John even when they wanted to call down the wrath of God on those who disagreed with them. And he hasn’t given up on me.

You will likely feel like a failure at times in youth ministry. Some times, that will be because you wasted opportunities God gave you. God won’t give up on you either.

You walk into your class on Sunday morning. Only one middle school boy is there . . . and is feeling uncomfortable because no one else is there. He answers your questions, but he won’t establish eye-contact. Another middle schooler wanders in and the two boys quickly begin to flick paper bits at each other. A sophomore girl drags in looking sullen. About 10 minutes after time for class to start you have a group of youth who all look bored, distracted, or asleep. You have been excited about the truths you are going to teach them almost all week, but when you say, “Okay, guys, let’s get into the Word,” they give you an audible groan. How do you help kids get excited about Bible study?

First, understand that teenagers’ bodies have a funny rythmn to them. Teenagers are driven to excitement and are given to staying up all night. However, their growing bodies need lots of sleep so getting up early is difficult for them. If you want them to get interested in the Bible study, you are probably going to have to capture their attention first.

Before you start planning calesthentics for each morning’s Bible study, think about this. Different teenagers learn differently. While there are a lot of ways to look at their learning preferences, there are three basic learning styles . . . and they are true for adults as well as youth.

1. Some students are auditory learners. They learn by hearing. They are interested in what you have to say, especially when you are couching your message in a story. But, they also like to hear what their peers are thinking. For these learners, try kicking off the study with a joke that relates in some way, then ask discussion questions that get them engaged.
2. Some students are visual learners. They learn best by seeing. It’s not that your words are not important to them, but if they can see what you are talking about in a diagram, an illustration, or a video, they are more likely to get it. For these learners, you might want to start the lesson by playing a video clip from a movie they like, then ask them to tear a sheet of construction paper into some kind of picture of the concept you are wanting to address.
3. Some students are kinesthetic learners. They learn best by doing. They love to play games, to move around, to experiment. For these learners, try starting the lesson with tag-team role-plays where two kids start a scene that you describe, but when a player is not sure what to say or do, they tag another player who continues the character and the scene.

Of course, the challenge is that you have all of these types of learners in every class. So, use different methods. Mix things up. Have some segments of the class that will appeal to kinesthetic learners, while other segments deal with auditory and visual learners. Almost all kids like to laugh, like to build friendships, and want to be challenged to make their lives count. Teach with passion, humor, and connection to them, regardless of the methods you are using.

by Jesse Adkinson

As a small church youth leader, you probably feel some of the same pressures and get some of the same questions as the rest of us. “How are you going to reach the kids in our church?” If you have a really holy pastor or deacon board they’ll even ask, “Why aren’t we reaching the kids in our community?” If you are anything like me, when those conversations come it can be hard to not hear the words between the words–“Why isn’t your youth group bigger? How can you get more students to come to your church?”

While we would all like to see more students coming to our youth ministries–hearing the Gospel, being discipled, and serving for the sake of the Kingdom–we should be careful not to judge our success based on how many students are in our midweek student ministry meeting. I would challenge you to ask the success question in a different way. Rather than asking how you can get more students there, perhaps you need to ask the more difficult question: “Am I being faithful with the students God has given me?”
I have rested for years in the parable of the talents when it comes to this issue. If you haven’t read it in a while, check out Matthew 25:14-30. A careful reading of the parable finds Jesus making a point about the kingdom of heaven and how in God’s economy greater areas of responsibility are assigned to His workers. The key is faithfulness. Notice the master’s critique of the servant who had been entrusted one talent and failed to even try to put it to work: “You wicked, lazy servant . . .” (Matt. 25:26, NIV). He was wicked because he agreed to steward well that which was given to him and he was lazy because he didn’t even try. Contrast that with the servants who went to work with what the master had given them and did the best they could. They both received the same type of reward. Because of their faithfulness, not the quantity of their production they were told, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.” (Matt. 25:23, NIV).

May we be found faithful in discipling the students God has entrusted to us and trust Him to send us more in his time.

Jesse Adkinson teaches youth ministry at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY. He has worked in youth ministry in churches in Kentucky and South Carolina.

by Troy G. White

Most Christian parents want their teenage children to grow up knowing God, living according to his ways, and being plugged into His church. However, many of them are at a loss as to how to help their teenagers to develop a heart for God. I think it’s a little like learning a new language.

When I graduated high school, I had completed two full years of Spanish class. After deciding on a degree plan in college, I was then required to take two more semesters of a foreign language. Living in Texas and having already studied it for two years, I chose Spanish. I passed every class with average to above average grades and my teachers were outstanding. Today, I live about an hour from the Texas/Mexico border, and the community is over 75% Hispanic.

There’s just one problem . . . I can’t speak a lick of Spanish!

Well, okay, I can speak a few words, but when I head across the border to visit churches or do mission work, I feel like a monkey doing astrophysics! I am completely dependent on someone else to communicate. “Just smile and wave, boys . . . smile and wave.” That’s me!

Why is this? I passed all of my classes. My teachers were great. So, why am I completely ignorant when it comes to Spanish? Simple–those years of one-hour-a-day instruction were surrounded by 23 hours of English. That isn’t astrophysics . . . it is simple arithmetic. Twenty-three is greater than one.

There are 168 hours in a week. Of those 168 hours, the average “churched” child attends service one hour a week, where, hopefully, they are hearing the Word of God and are being taught sound biblical truth. That takes us to 167.

Again, simple arithmetic here: 167 is greater than one.

Just as I cannot expect to become fluent in any language by spending one hour a day studying it and the remaining 23 hours speaking another, we cannot expect teenagers to learn the truth of God’s word one hour a week while absorbing the world the remaining 167.

The truth is, youth leaders are not intended to be the primary disciplers of the teenagers in our youth groups. That role actually belongs to their parents.

Parents are not called to disciple our children–they are commanded to do so. In Deuteronomy 6:4-9, God tells us to pass down the truth of His goodness to our children and grandchildren. He saw the importance of parents sharing their faith with the next generation because He knew that would be the only way the faith would continue to exist. The world . . . man . . . is not naturally bent toward faith. We are all born with a sin nature; therefore, our natural course of action is to move away from God. In His infinite wisdom, our Creator chose to use His people, specifically parents, to pass along the message of salvation to the next generation so they would then, in turn, share with the next. It’s a simple plan when executed correctly. As more and more parents choose to neglect their duty to pass down God’s truth to their children, the more our children will become biblically illiterate and our future generations will become less and less fluent in God’s language. Simply put, one hour a week at church is not enough.

Repetitive teaching . . . a constant reminder of Truth . . . helps us retain the knowledge necessary to survive not only this world, but live abundantly in eternity. If our teenagers are to absorb the deep truths of God, they need to see those truths applied to day-to-day experience . . . something that can only happen in their homes. We simply can’t acquiesce to the notion that one hour a week at church will do the trick spiritually.

How can we help parents know how to do the hard work of discipling thier teenagers? Psalm 137 poses the question, “How shall we sing the LORD’s song in a strange land? (KJV)” Perhaps it includes a few points that will help parents sing “God’s truth” to their children.

1. Encourage parents to seek the Lord and His guidance in understanding your biblical role as parents.
2. Talk with parents about reversing the trend of allowing others (including church youth leaders) to take the lead in teaching their teenage children.
3. Set up a meeting with parents and pastor to discuss the role of parents as primary discipers in the lives of teenagers.
4. Provide resources so parents can follow through with their biblical mandate.
5. Encourage parents to “Sing, Sing, Sing!” As Deuteronomy shows us, repeat the Truth all day, every day.

We all have our roles to play–parents, youth workers, pastor, and others in the church. God never intended parents to do the job alone, but neither does He give parents the option of shirking their responsibility to pour God’s truth into the lives of their children. Yes, pour your life into teenagers. Help teenagers who have no parental support for their faith at home. But don’t forget to encourage parents to take the lead in guiding their parents into a deep walk with Christ.

Troy G. White is the blessed husband of Angie, proud father of Alyssa and KaeLeigh, and serves as Minister of Students and Education at First Baptist Church in Kingsville, Texas. He is also a featured writer for Temerity Magazine, a new online e-zine (www.temeritymagazine.com), and host of his own blog at www.mycall2rise.com. You can also hear Troy on various Blog Talk Radio (www.blogtalkradio.com) programs as he shares his passion of faith, family and freedom. If you would like to contact Troy or have him as a guest speaker in your church, please feel free to email him at troy.white@familyfirst-tx.org, or call him at 361.455.9305.

Finding a good resource that addresses how to do youth ministry in the small church can be a challenge. Few books have been developed that show insight into the dynamics of small church youth ministry. Youth Ministry in Small Churches by Rick Chromey is a good introduction to youth ministry in the small church.

Chromey understands the difference involved in ministering with teenagers in a smaller church–both the challenges and the advantages. He says, “Relationships make small churches different. Everybody knows everybody. People know and meet each other’s needs. When a tragedy occurs, the whole church weeps. When something great happens, the whole congregation rejoices” (p. 24).

The focus of Youth Ministry in Small Churches is healthy youth ministry, not big youth ministry. (While a healthy youth ministry always involves reaching out to lost youth, a big youth ministry does not necessarily indicate a healthy youth ministry.) Chromey suggests these elements for building a healthy ministry:

• One-to-One Relationships–The dynamics of a small church allow youth leaders to be directly involved in the lives of your students.
• Need Oriented Programming–Because youth leaders in small churches tend to know the needs of the young people involved in the ministry, they should be able to design ministry that focuses on their life needs.
• Family Support and Ministry–In a small church, youth leaders should know the parents of youth well. Providing support and encouragement for the whole family should be a significant part of your ministry.
• Spiritual Growth and Discipleship–The focus of ministry in a small church is not the program. It is the spiritual development of the teenagers in the group. Youth leaders should look for ways to disciple students that are unique to the needs of those students.
• Friendship Evangelism–While small churches have trouble creating huge event evangelism, the truth is that friendship evangelism tends to be more effective at disciple-making. Youth leaders need to equip students to make Christ known to their friends . . . and model a lifestyle of evangelism for their students.
• Missions and Service–Youth in small churches need opportunities to use their gifts in meeting the needs of other people.

The major draw-back of Chromey’s book is that it is dated. Released in 1990, the book includes a lot of examples that seem old fashioned. Chromey’s style of writing uses lots of illustrations and examples, and many of them won’t really work in churches today. However, there is much that can be drawn from the book if the reader overlooks those things that have passed out of season.