Archive for February, 2009

I noticed a couple of teenagers at church snickering this Sunday. An older woman was singing an old hymn. The song was . . . well, she would not have been asked to sing at any mega-church I know. So that kind of music has got to be a turn off for teenagers, right?

Maybe, but I’m not sure. The truth is, the song reminded me of listening to my grandmother play her beat-up, out-of-tune baby grand and singing “Whispering Hope” at the top of her lungs, begging us to sing along. I think that is the stuff family is made of, but is it appropriate for the church? YES!

I couldn’t help but think of the joy this woman got from singing on Sunday. I pictured her as a timid teenagers many years ago being asked to sing her first solo. She may have stood in front of a group of 60 or 75 people, all of whom knew her. She may have missed a few notes then, too. But I bet she learned something about church that day. It is not about perfection. It is about using your gifts to minister to others.

I don’t mind the kids’ snickering. But I hope they got the point. Church is more family than performance. And a family can certainly enjoy a grandmother singing an old hymn–because of their love for her, if not for the music.

Maybe people in small churches really do understand church.

Lesson Five: Don’t Be a Thug; Let ’em Give You a HUG.

I know this football player who used to come sprinting over after practice or during the school day to lay a vice-grip clinch around me, hugging me in front of all his peers. He wanted to give me a hug. He wanted to show his love! At first, I worried how it would look to the other players, to the other coaches, and any other bystander. I even shied away from those innocent attempts to show his feelings. I honestly thought I would be fired if someone saw me letting a student hug me. So, how do you handle it when a student wants to give you a hug?

At some point, I decided to embrace the embrace. It just felt wrong to give into the politically correct mythology of our modern day. I don’t think we can live our lives in fear of being too friendly with students.

There are some checks that need to be in place, for sure. Our own motives are important. So is what we communicate to students who hug us. But some of us are more concerned with trying to maintain the Mr. Tough Guy image. It can be tough for us to communicate genuine love to students.

I later found out that the parents of the student I mentioned above were divorced. He rarely saw his dad. Some of the students around us are affection deprived. They need a man to show love in a pure and affirming way. With divorce being such a big part of the family landscape these days and workaholic dads rarely around to show love to their sons, many students only receive that basic human touch from their mother. Not only do they not receive healthy doses of affirming love, but many are learning and trying to figure out how to give and show love. We need to teach them how to receive as well as give love.
Zach Skipper has spent over 12 years working with students. He has served as a youth minister, speaker, and bible study teacher. He is currently leading Bigtime Ministries while part-time coaching at one of the country’s leading Junior Highs in Birmingham, AL. To find out more about Zach’s ministry, contact him at www.bigtimeministries.com.

This Sunday a new ninth grader was in the youth group. I watched as he sat with several guys his own age–guys he didn’t know. They didn’t really talk to him much and he didn’t say anything to them. How do you help a student to connect with your group?

We can harp on our students to make youth feel at home. It is good when they start to understand that they should try to make other students to feel welcome. But it is terrifying to ask most 14-year-old students to make friends with a kid they have never seen before. They seldom know what to say. They definitely don’t want to be perceived as stupid by the new kid–or by the other kids that see them trying to talk to the new kid. Most 14-year-olds lack the social skills to make someone feel at home. (If we are really being honest, we’d have to say that a lot of adults suffer from the same deficit. But, let’s not go there.)

So, how do you break through and help students feel welcome? There are probably a lot of answers to that question, and I’d love for some of you to respond with your thoughts below. But, let me tell you what happened Sunday.

One of the kids picked up a trivia game. Several of the kids got involved in trying to answer the questions. Before I knew it, all of the kids were laughing and trying to offer their answers. Every kid, including the new ninth-grader.

There is something about play that allows us to let down our inhabitions and start to connect with each other. Maybe play helps us to get the focus off of ourselves and onto the game. Or maybe laughter is just good for us. But play almost always has the effect of helping people–especially teenage people–to feel comfortable with each other.

Does the game suggested in this week’s Bible study seem silly and pointless? Perfect. Use it to get your students comfortable with each other.

Lesson Four: Take Time to Play. It Paves the Way.

Another tool in building bridges to students is to remember to enjoy life. Enjoy people. Enjoy the teaching, coaching, or parenting experience. Some of my favorite times with students have been playing a game with them . . . tennis, ping-pong, football, basketball, golf—whatever we can do together. When you play with them, they feel valued.

Last fall, on a guys retreat, some of our ninth grade guys slipped down to the lake and took a late night dip. Some of the students told me they were down there. I made my way down there to tell them to head up to their cabins. When I arrived, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to run in to the frigid water with them before sending them to their cabins. In that plunge into the lake, I connected with them in a way I never had before.

The connection you get with students when you choose to play with them allows you to have a voice in their world. We’re not playing only because we like to play. Though we may get accused of trying to regain our lost youth, that’s not really it. The play enables opens doors for us to share the message of Christ with them . . . and have them hear it. You may still have to be the adult that sends them back to bed, but at least you’re wet with them when you do it.

Zach Skipper has spent over 12 years working with students. He has served as a youth minister, speaker, and bible study teacher. He is currently leading Bigtime Ministries while part-time coaching at one of the country’s leading Junior Highs in Birmingham, AL. To find out more about Zach’s ministry, contact him at www.bigtimeministries.com.

This group of people had been searching for Jesus ever since he fed the crowd with a few loaves of bread. When they found him in Capernaum, he told them, “You are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill” (John 6:26, NIV). I wonder . . . in youth ministry, do we encourage youth to pursue Jesus because he fills their stomachs or because he is the one who has the words of life?

Jesus’ ministry in the wilderness was very practical. People were hungry. He gave them something to eat. He met their needs. That’s actually a pretty good way to think about youth ministry. The teenagers you work with may not need a square meal, but they do have needs. When we provide friendship, support, a safe place to be with other teenagers, and adults who love them, we do good ministry. That may be the “bread” the youth in our groups need.

But in John 6, Jesus seemed to be saying that people missed the point when they looked to him because he gave them bread. Bread might sustain them for a day. But if they would focus on Jesus himself, they would find something that would sustain them for eternity. A lot of the disciples didn’t get it. They left Jesus in frustration. They just wanted the bread.

Somehow we have to help our teenagers get past the “bread” they get from youth group. We have to help them to turn their focus to the Lord of Life, to believe him, to fall in love with him. Yes, the “bread” is important, but if that is all the teenagers find in our youth groups, I’m afraid they will eventually respond the same way many disciples of Jesus’ time did. When we can’t meet every need they have, they will leave.

Yes, meet the needs of kids. But, never think that is the point. The point is for your students to fall hopelessly in love with Jesus Christ.

Lesson Three: Laugh at Yourself—They Will!

If you work with students, there will be laughter. Sometimes there will be laughter while you are trying to teach. Teenagers love to laugh and they will take just about any opportunity to do it.

It’s not that seriousness is bad in youth ministry. We need to tell teenagers the truths of God with passion. Even so, at some point when you least expect it the generation gap will catch up with you. You will make some innocent statement that your teenagers will find incredibly funny. How you handle situations like that speaks volumes to your students.

Being able to laugh at yourself bridges the gap between students and leaders. Laughing at yourself shows humility and authenticity. After all, real people do funny things. Real people make mistakes. You can pretend you don’t, but students have trouble relating to people who seem to be perfect. Most of the time, you connect with young people when you are willing to find humor in your own words . . . even when you were trying to be serious.

Go ahead. Laugh at yourself. Let the chuckle escape.

Sharing laughter is a deep human experience, like sharing tears or breaking bread. Laughter, like tears, is the mortar of relationships. And it goes a long way in youth ministry.

Zach Skipper has spent over 12 years working with students. He has served as a youth minister, speaker, and bible study teacher. He is currently leading Bigtime Ministries while part-time coaching at one of the country’s leading Junior Highs in Birmingham, AL. To find out more about Zach’s ministry, contact him at www.bigtimeministries.com.

Lesson Two: SAY HI and BYE, Before They Fly By.

I work with a head coach of the football team that has been coaching almost thirty years. I noticed that he would position himself by the door as players left after practice so that he could say bye to each one as they passed. It’s simple I know, but it is powerful. I followed suit.  Now I’m the one that doesn’t miss a chance to hail and farewell the guys.

The youth minister I interned with during my college years was gifted at greeting students, too. He would rattle off a list of “Hi Jeff, Hi Lisa, Hi Zach, Hi Todd,” as a mob entered the doors of the room.

I rarely miss an opportunity to give a high-five or a pound and say hi and bye. As students leave the classroom, I try to get as many as I can. Call students out by name (“Hi, Henry!” or “Bye, Caroline!”) as they leave the classroom or church building. It demonstrates how much you treasure them being there.

Zach Skipper has spent over 12 years working with students. He has served as a youth minister, speaker, and bible study teacher. He is currently leading Bigtime Ministries while part-time coaching at one of the country’s leading Junior Highs in Birmingham, AL. To find out more about Zach’s ministry, contact him at www.bigtimeministries.com.

Lesson One: CALL Them BY NAME, Nothing Else is the Same.

“You remembered my name!” are the words I hear when I pull out the name of a student who I just met the other day. That exclamation could be translated as, “Wow! He cared enough to remember me,” “He knows me,” “He notices me,” “He cares!” One student told me the other day that he spent a whole basketball season with a coach who mispronounced his name every time throughout the season even after some of the other players tried to clue him in. The student then told me, “I didn’t like that coach!” Relationships start by an exchange of names. When you call a student by their name, it shows that you value them. A student’s name is the most personal and individualized word you can speak to him. “Hey you,” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

I even try to go to the next level, bestowing nicknames on my students. These usually just happen, but it definitely shows a level of attention to the student. Besides, a nickname is something only you and the student (and perhaps a few others) know him by. Nicknames show you are fun-loving and not so formal.

Learning names is a challenge for some of us. When you meet a new student, try to use their name at least three times before you end the conversation. Use a memory aid if you need to. If the student’s name is Ben, picture him bald like Benjamin Franklin. Think about another Jill this Jill reminds you of. And, if you forget a student’s name, just ask for it again. That definitely shows more interest in the student than pretending like you remember.

Then, call them by their name as much as possible.

Zach Skipper has spent over 12 years working with students. He has served as a youth minister, speaker, and bible study teacher. He is currently leading Bigtime Ministries while coaching part-time at one of the country’s leading Junior Highs in Birmingham, AL. To find out more about Zach’s ministry, contact him at www.bigtimeministries.com.