Archive for November, 2008

In youth ministry, building relationships with students is really important. I don’t know anyone who would disagree with that. And building relationships with students is especially important for youth leaders in small churches. So, if you love kids and enjoy spending time with them, you are in good shape, right? I’m not sure.

I think the relationship Jesus had with his disciples is a good model for us. When Jesus initiated a relationship with Simon and his brother Andrew, he didn’t say, “Hey, guys, let’s go hang out at Starbucks and maybe later we can play some flag football.” He said, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” I don’t mean to imply that Jesus never had fun with the disciples. I suspect that he did. But when it came time to write about Jesus in the gospels, the disciples wrote about the intentional ways Jesus showed them the power of God. They wrote about his challenges to them and his rebukes.

The relationships we are trying to build with our students need to be discipling relationships.

• We need to call students to love God deeply.
• We need to equip students to advance God’s kingdom in their world.
• We need to help teenagers to discover who they are in Christ, people created in his image and gifted for service.
• We need to develop a relationship strong enough to rebuke students when fail to follow Christ and restore them to him when they wander away.

Of course, to have a discipling relationship assumes that we are following Christ ourselves. If my relationship with God is stale, I can’t hope to lead my students to a passionate pursuit of Christ.

I think the question we need to ask ourselves is not, do the students in my youth group like me? Rather, do my students feel challenged and inspired to a deeper walk with Christ when they spend time with me?

This weekend we held our annual youth group progressive dinner. I’m not really suggesting that as an activity for your group. It’s an old idea and maybe not very cutting edge. But, the key word for us is ANNUAL. Our kids look forward to this annual chance to wander from house to house stuffing their faces and talking to their friends.

If you think teenagers aren’t interested in traditions, you have misunderstood them. They love traditions. Why?

• Traditions create memories. They get to talk about what happened the last time you did the activity. The things they do over and over again will likely be the things they will talk about when asked about their youth group experience.
• Traditions provide security. You may have a much better idea for what the group could do, but kids are probably going to prefer to do things they have done before. The world of teenagers is changing so quickly that having some traditions they can count on provides a bit of security.
• Traditions give students something they can invite friends to. A giant water war may be lots of fun, but if your kids think it might flop, they probably won’t invite their friends. However, if this is the third year you have done the water war, kids will have some sense of what is going to happen and will feel more confident about inviting their friends.

So, should we ever kill a tradition? Yep, but we should have a good reason to kill it. If a tradition becomes destructive, kill it. If the tradition eats up too many resources to justify it, you might want to kill it. If a tradition seems to lose its appeal to the kids, kill it.

Think about the traditions in your group. What are they? What makes them fun? What do they do to help your students connect with each other? Connect with you and other leaders? Connect with God?

When I served a small church in Texas, I asked a youth pastor from a large church in Tennessee to speak at our church. I planned a youth rally…and no one came. Of course I was embarrassed. My friend was gracious and even expressed a bit of envy at the possibilities that existed with a small neighborhood church. He made some suggestions for a new approach to youth ministry . . . one that fit the church I was serving.

What did we do?

• I began to include students in everyday things I would do like going to the store or grabbing a hamburger. Because I only had a few students, I could get two or three to do something with me and, in a few weeks, had spent a little time with all of them. The students loved hanging out with me and I was able to model what faith looks like in daily life for them. Try that with a youth group of 1,000.
• A widow in her 80s named Elaine hosted a lock-in for us. She knew where the light switch was located at the city park and we played tennis at 2 A.M. We played games in her living room. At sun-up she cooked pancakes for us and kept everyone awake by playing ragtime on the piano. My students (who are now adults) say the night with Elaine is a favorite memory of their youth years. (I named my daughter after Elaine.)
• We did simple things, like going to a restaurant or someone’s home on Sunday after church. It didn’t take much planning. If I could grab one or two parents to go with us, we were set with transportation and supervision.

Paul Gunn is a youth minister in Tennessee and the director of Mission Fever, a new ministry dedicated to providing ways for students to invest in international ministry . . . regardless of the size of their church. Check out their website at www.missionfever.com to learn about the ministry designed especially for students who want to go for it!

It seems many people think of a large youth group as the goal of student ministry. Actually, there are tremendous advantages to being a part of a small youth group. Many students thrive in the smaller setting, for they can participate in leadership in ways that would be impossible in the larger group. Often our large youth groups operate on a “survival of the fittest” principle, much like a large high school or junior high. The brightest, most talented, most athletic, best looking . . . these are the students that get most of the attention. Other students can be overlooked. I realize this isn’t always the case, but often the quieter or less “obviously-gifted” student gets lost in the shuffle of a large group.

I have also observed that students in the smaller youth group often are more assimilated into the church as a whole. They serve in the worship service, help with church-wide projects, and interact cross-generationally. I sometimes hear students from very large youth groups say they are members of “XYZ youth group”–members of the youth group, not members of XYZ Church. It is easier for the larger group to become its own entity. Small youth groups often depend upon church interaction for its health and well-being. When students are well-assimilated into the total church, it provides experiences they will want to duplicate as they leave their hometown for college or career. They will have a desire to find another church home. Students from large youth groups may simply seek to duplicate the large, high-energy experience of the large group through attending a mid-week mass gathering (and, these are wonderful opportunities!) to the exclusion of the local church.

Relationships are key in spiritual transformation. It requires time spent with students to help them discover who they are and how God desires to continually enrich and challenge their lives. Relationships can occur in any size youth group. That is why we never need to be discouraged or feel less significant if we have a small youth group. God is there, loving and transforming every step of the way. And your students will never forget the ways in which you shared His impact on their lives.

Jane Wilson, Youth Ministry and Youth Bible Study Specialist
Baptist General Convention of Texas

After spending a year at a California high school listening to students’ hearts, Chap Clark wrote a book he entitled Hurt. His conclusion was that students feel alienated and isolated from the world of adults. They feel like no adult really invests in their lives. Too many small churches are plagued by a revolving door of youth leaders.

When God calls you into youth ministry, I believe he calls you to stand by the students he entrusts to you until he calls you to move on. Students need adults they can count on. Too many youth leaders give up when things get tough. What are the obstacles that make youth leaders wash out? There are a lot of reasons, but here are a few that seem to come up a lot.

• Church politics. Too many youth leaders get frustrated at the inner workings of the church. Sometimes they can seem anything but Christian. Keep in mind that church leaders are human. They will fail. Worse, they may not even realize it when they have failed. Give up looking for the perfect church. They don’t exist. Pray for your leaders and keep investing in kids.
• Busy lives. Youth leaders have jobs, families, and washing machines that overflow and destroy the carpet. Life can seem overwhelming. When a crisis comes up, a youth Bible study can seem like that last thing you need to spend time with. You need to prioritize your relationship with God and your family above your work with students at church. So, find a pace you can live with. I recommend one Bible study a week plus one activity (fun or ministry) each month. Get other adults to help you. Don’t over-commit and then find yourself having to back out later.
• Feelings of inadequacy. Doing youth ministry can be hard. You find out a girl you poured your life into is pregnant. Leadership kids suddenly drop out with no explanation. Kids seem disinterested in what you are doing. How do you keep doing youth ministry when you discover you don’t know what you are doing? Well, the good news is God said it was in our weakness that he would be strong. Yes, get additional training. Yes, ask for help from pastors, youth consultants, and friends. But, most of all, trust God.

Students need adults who pour into their lives over the long haul. Keep telling them about the Father’s love. Keep encouraging them to pursue a deep relationship with him. Keep providing opportunities for students to get face to face with the living God. Keep being there. Stay in youth ministry for the long haul.

The task of adolescence according to Erik Erikson is to develop personal identity. Students who don’t do a good job of defining their identity will struggle with identity for the rest of their lives. The struggle of students to define themselves can be a challenge for youth leaders, too.

Younger adolescents are always “trying on hats.” I don’t mean literal hats, though there may be some of that, too. They are putting on one “identity” after another, trying it on for size. They may show up to Bible study one week with a new sneer and a “you can’t teach me anything attitude.” The next week, they may be ready to save the whales . . . or the chimps . . . or whatever they have heard about that is threatened. Some of these “hats” may be positive. Some may be completely sinful.

So, how do you help the younger adolescents in your group as they try to define who they are?

1. Don’t overreact. Pushing them to give up a “hat” may have the affect of causing them to dig in and defend what they are doing. Sometimes the best reaction is something like, “How’s this new look working for you?”
2. Teach them about who Christ says they are. Ultimately, students need to build their identity on their relationship with Christ. Take every opportunity to tell them how much they are loved by God . . . and how much God wants their life to be a reflection of HIS love and righteousness.
3. Don’t back down from teaching truth. If a teen is doing something that is sinful–like picking on peers, or using bad language–address the behavior. But show them how much you love them in the way you address their behavior. Validate their value as you point out bad behavior.

Defining identity is not easy for students. It is a difficult and confusing process for teenagers. It can take some truly strange turns. Everyone–from teachers to soft drink advertizers–are telling them who they should be. They desperately need caring adults who will help them to define their identity in Christ.

We recently received this message from Jay McSwain who leads Place Ministries:

Congratulations on SYG. Just this past Sunday I was talking with a mother who has two teenagers that are 15 and 16.  They were heading to [a particular mega] church because they don’t like their youth group.  The 15 year old had a friend going with her.  All three girls go to mega churches in the Atlanta area.  After church the mother asked the girls how they liked the service and they were somewhat positive.  The interesting point in this conversation came  when the teenagers all agreed they would rather go to a small church where they knew everyone and it was more like a family atmosphere.  All three girls have spent their entire lives in mega churches so they have no other perspective than mega church experience, but all three sense there is something beyond mega church.

You have a fan in promoting SYG.  Me.  I believe God wants churches to grow, but I truly sense it is by multiplying churches not just building bigger buildings.

Place Ministries helps people discover that God has created and gifted them with a unique capacity to serve others. Place helps them to find their unique place within their church. To find out more about Place Ministries, visit www.placeministries.org.

Thanks, Jay.

Lots of youth leaders in small churches are making a huge difference in the lives of the teenagers they get to touch. Never feel like your ministry is insignificant because you only have a handful of students.

You don’t have to be teaching youth for very long before you end up having to deal with negative behavior. Seems like youth at church would know how to act. Surely they should respect you and appreciate your investment of time. You would think so, but probably not.

There is a really not a panacea that will solve every behavior problem, but let me suggest some things I have found to be effective.

1. Keep the class moving. I usually find that younger students tend to disrupt when nothing seems to be happening. Pauses while you find materials or consult your notes can open a door to disruption. Try to move from one activity to the next, one idea to the next quickly . . . especially if you have mostly younger students.

2. Build relationships. Students who feel like you care about them and want them to be there are a lot less likely to disrupt your study.

3. Use body language to gain control over disruptive students. Standing up can get their attention. When I have two kids picking on each other, I go sit right between them and don’t miss a beat on what I’m saying.

4. Avoid embarrassing students. Most students don’t like to be called out and scolded in class. Once in a while you can’t help singling a kid out, but try everything else first.

5. Use humor. A friend of mine used to stop and quickly say, “Raise your hand if you’re not listening” when the group got out of control. Students would usually laugh and refocus on what he was saying.

6. Sometimes students disrupt because they don’t really see the value in what you are doing. Try sharing with them why you are doing what you are doing and how valuable you think it is.

7. Older teenagers are more likely to disrupt when they feel like they are being treated like children. I think it is okay to do something silly with older youth as long as you admit you are asking them to do something childish. Say something like, “I know this is stupid, but just go with me. I’m trying to make a point.”

Occasionally, you have no choice but to address behavior sternly. A fight breaks out in class. A kid is being victimized or intimidated by other students. Students are being destructive. A student is intentionally sabotaging the lesson. Stop the class. Isolate the student or students involved. Address the behavior directly and insist that you will not allow it. Involve the parents if they are available.

Last night, I happened to catch Mike Huckabee’s interview of Bill Maher. Apparently, Maher is releasing a new documentary movie “taking on” religion called, “Religulous.” Maher identified himself as agnostic. He said he has no understanding of why people would want to live their lives according to ancient myth and went as far as to say that all religious people have some kind of psychological problem. Maher cited all of the wars fought in the name of religion as a real problem with enlightened people accepting these “mythical beliefs.” He asked how a loving God could allow so much suffering to exist in the world.

I don’t mention all of this so you and I can get mad at Bill Maher together. Rather, it is important to keep in mind that our students will face opposition in their faith.

For me, the best thing about the interview was that Huckabee, in his home-spun, corn-fed way, was able to give a reason for his Christian faith. True religion, the faith Jesus died for, does not inspire people to violence, but to love, forgiveness, and reconciliation. People don’t need religion to be bad. We live in a broken world. God didn’t make it that way; we did. And God allows us the freedom to love him . . . or to reject him.

I don’t really care whether you like or dislike Huckabee as a politician. My point is I want students to leave my youth group with enough understanding of their faith that they, too, can give a reasonable defense for the faith they have in Christ.

How does the Bible answer hard questions like those Bill Maher was asking? Even if our students are content with simplistic answers, I don’t think we can be. There is no reason to fear hard questions from your students. In fact, if they aren’t raising hard questions in your youth Bible study, perhaps you should.