Archive for May, 2008

The most important aspect to small youth group ministry (and perhaps any ministry) is building relationships. In a large church, a youth minister may need excellent management skills. The focus of the ministry is usually organization, training, and vision-casting. The character of the ministry is different in a small church. This takes on many different dimensions, but I have been thinking of three keys lately. This is my relationship triangle.

1. At the risk of being trite, I believe the most important relationship in youth ministry is your relationship with Christ.

We may be able to bluff our way through ministry by talking about principles and themes, but we will never make a lasting impact on anyone if we are not first growing, learning, confessing, renewing, and loving God. There is no replacement for time committed to Christ. I know, small youth group leaders are almost always volunteers. You are working, investing in family, trying to keep a home running, dealing with crises, and investing in your church. In fact, most of us have more than one job at church. In addition to being the volunteer youth minister, you are also on the finance committee, sing in the choir, or arrange for flowers on Sunday. Still, none of that is more important than walking with Christ.

How do you maintain a relationship with Christ? Grace has been the most important concept for me lately. Every time I hear someone talk about how important a relationship with Christ is, I feel guilty. I never spend ENOUGH time with Him. What is enough? I keep wondering if you found a monk who did nothing but pray all day and you asked him, do you feel like you get enough time with Christ what he would say. I would guess he would say something like, “If I could just stay awake a little later at night or get up just a little earlier . . .”

A relationship with God is not about doing. It is more about being. It is falling in love with Him. It is discipling yourself to get into His Word because you know you need His presence. But it is also letting His word fill you like a sponge . . . rather than checking off the chapter for the day. It is turning your thoughts quickly to Him when you think of a friend or are frustrated by a co-worker or fear you won’t be able to pay your bills at the end of the month. It is worshiping Him in gatherings and in the privacy of your heart.

2. Build relationships with parents.

I was at church the other day and couldn’t come up with the name of one of the students’ parent. I said, “You know, Katie’s mom.” The person I was talking to said, “You really only care about teenagers, don’t you?” She laughed when she said it, but it stung. In a big church, caring for parents might be someone else’s job, but in a small church we cannot hope to make a difference in students’ lives if we don’t seek to build relationships with parents.

• Know their names.
• Brag on their kids to them . . . preferable in front of the kids.
• Listen to them and use encouraging words.
• Never judge them or their skills at caring for their kids, but encourage them to stay invested in their kids’ lives.

In small churches, we are really one big family. Your role with the students is more like the cool uncle or aunt than it is like the school teacher or  coach. That means investing in families, not just kids.

3. Invest in your relationship with students.

This is pretty clear. And yet, it is easier for us to get focused on teaching a lesson or organizing an event and lose focus. Time that you spend cutting up with kids, telling them stories, laughing with them, and expressing interest in their lives is real ministry. It models discipleship in a way that is different than teaching a Bible study does. And it is just about as important.

That’s the relationship triangle of small youth group ministry. What do you think? What relationships would you add?

Way too often, those of us leading small youth groups feel like we are not doing things that are valuable in the lives of our students because we don’t have the resources of a big church. In some cases, it may be just the opposite. While big churches have a lot of things that attract students, small churches have a family atmosphere that may make more difference in the lives of a teenager in the long-run.

The problem with most small youth groups is that we try to do youth ministry the same way a big church does it: primarily by running programs to meet the needs of students. For small churches, ministry is not about programs; it’s about family. The approach to ministry needs to be about building relationships with students, not primarily about providing them something to attend.

That said, small youth groups do need to have some organized activities. First, develop a teaching time. It is easy for leaders of small groups to go crazy and try to offer three or four teaching times each week. Focus on doing one teaching time well. Help students learn the Bible, discover who they are in Christ, and learn to do things that will help them as they grow and minister.

Second, provide some fun. These activities are important in youth ministry. They provide a way for teenagers to express themselves in safe environments. They give students minimally structures ways to see how faith works in real life. They help to create connection between students. Most of all, they give you another way to build relationships with students and model your faith. Try doing a fun activity about once every other month.

Third, plan missions/ministry projects. Students need to have places where they are getting their hands dirty in the lives of other people. Without ministry, all of your teaching has limited objective. I heard my friend Kieth Lumas recently talk about the need for youth groups to have a “game day.” Why bother to practice if you are never going to play a game? In a sense, our Bible studies are practice for the game. Ministry is the game. Again, try doing a ministry project about once every other month.

A Bible study each week and one activity each month, alternating between fun and ministry–that really is enough program. If we don’t use too much time planning lots of activities, we are freer to meet our kids on Facebook, or shoot them a text message asking about a test they were worried about, or show up at a basketball game. Touching the lives of students for the sake of Christ: that is real youth ministry.